TFR
G1/SSS

Ushiromiya Kinzo

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"OH DESIRE" ― Kinzo
A character from Umineko no Naku Koro ni.

Patriarch of the Ushiromiya Family[edit | edit source]

"OOOOOOOH BEATORICHE, IF ONLY I COULD LICK YOUR SWEATY FEET AGAIN!" ― Ushiromiya Kinzo
The aged head of the Ushiromiya family and all it's riches.

Even though his health is supposed to be critical, he is brimming with energy. although he amassed a vast fortune in the past, he never made any announcements regarding the inheritance, which worries his children.

He is strongly influenced by the West, and is a rabid fan of the occult. His study is packed with of mysterious grimoires.

Legend says he has several tons of gold fried chicken hidden.

TFR/Season 1[edit | edit source]

Kinzo was not only a powerful magician but also a great wrestler back in the day under his alter-ego, Goldsmith, and was a legend in the ring known for his powerful and flashy moves. To keep the legacy of his name going, he trained Battler to be his successor in the secret Rokkenjima Ring, but given Battler's affinity with the family, it wasn't the most dedicated training, yet nevertheless Battler took a few things from him like the family's signature Shining Wizard.

Episode 8

The grandfather of Battler, having enough of his grandson's jobbing the family name down, came in and gave him an ultimatum:

Either win against him in a match and become the Lord of Rokkenjima, proving to Kinzo that he has the power to keep wrestling, or lose and to go back to The Golden Land.

With all odds against him, Battler realized the Golden Truth, that Kinzo was already dead (inside), and proceeded to beat the seven shades of shit out of his grandfather, earning the love of the audience and the title of Golden Sorcerer (and a cool cape).

TFR/Season 2[edit | edit source]

On Season 2, he returned in the King of Jobbers Title Championship.

It is unknown if this is the real Kinzo, it may be, in fact, Colonel Sanders. The truth remains unknown.

TFR/Season 3[edit | edit source]

"Dammit... It's useless... It's all useless..." ― Kinzo Ushiromiya, reflecting in his inability to save Battler.

Episode 6[edit | edit source]

When he was called to see what the hell was wrong with Battler, he tried and tried to draw him out, but ultimately having failed, he began to blame himself and all the wrongs that he had done to his family. When deciding to leave behind was drawn into the now open room and a gun sound was heard. Kinzo Ushiromiya was found dead the next morning.

This character is Dead

Episode 10[edit | edit source]

In reality, Agent 47 had prepared a piece of lasagna with small bombs and detonated it when he got inside the room, with nobody inside. The reason was to make people believe that Black Battler was inside and make people believe it was him, so the lie would become truth.

TFR/Season 0[edit | edit source]

"The Ushiromiya family wrestling legacy will live on!" ― Kinzo Ushiromiya, beginning Battler's triaining
Ushiromiya Kinzo is the head of the Ushiromiya Family, and an old but very experienced wrestler known as Goldsmith in the past.

Seeing his grandson try to take the mantle on the Ushiromiya's wrestling legacy has filled him with joy, and he will work hard to train him into becoming a great wrestler some day. Although for the time being...

Episode 1

Battler is all ready for his match, but Kinzo tells him to calm down, despite being overjoyed in the Ushiromiya's wrestling legacy living on. Battler instead has other ideas of how it should go, with him fondling the breasts of female fans every show... Kinzo shuts him up asking if he's really doing it for Ange after all...
Although...

I would certainly give it my all in wrestling again if I got to touch Beatoriche's soft tummy one more time!

OOOOOOOOH BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I WOULD GIVE UP ALL MY CAREER ACCOLADES IF IT MEANT I COULD SMELL YOU AGAIN!!!
Anyways, Genji got a real, top of the card wrestler for Battler to fight as his first real opponent, for the mere price of 500 balloons. Battler is overwhelmed and can't do even a single signature move against him.

Episode 2

Somewhat disappointed, Kinzo gets someone a bit more midcard for Battler to fight with. Battler hopes he can make Kinzo happy now...
You won't.

The only thing that can make me happy...

Is Beatoriche's soft armpits! OOOOOOOOOOOH BEATOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

IF ONLY I COULD MASSAGE YOUR SHOULDERS AGAIN! I WOULD CURSE ALL MY FUTURE GENERATIONS FOR YOU!
However, not a single finisher is landed on his part and the guy proves to be somewhat too mid.

Episode 3

Disappointment settling in, Kinzo looks for the lowest carder, midgetest, twinkiest person he can find before concluding Battler as too incompetent to wrestle.
He's small, physically frail and skinny.

...Much unlike Beatoriche's meaty thighs!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IF ONLY I COULD LICK YOUR SWEAT AGAIN!

I WOULD SACRIFICE SHEEP TO GOD FOR THIS DESIRE!
It's not an easy fight, but Battler manages to land his first finisher, and land his first win.

Episode 4[edit | edit source]

After a hard earned victory, Battler thinks it's finally time to go out to the ring for real, but Kinzo reminds him he only beat a lowcarder half his size, so for tonight he'll go into the ring... alone.
You'll be as lonely as I am on every night since Beatoriche left me...

OOOOOOOOOH BEATOOOOOOORIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEE, IF I COULD HAVE YOU BACK BY MY SIDE...

PAYING ANY PRICE FOR IT WOULD BE TOO CHEAP! I WOULD BARK FOR YOU, BEATORIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEE!
That's right, not to cut a promo, he'll have to entertain the crowd all by himself. "Know yourself before you know your enemy". Kinzo hopes it's imposible for him to lose this one, but Battler might not be as alone as he might think...

Episode 5

Selling that good, Battler is content with putting a great show that Ange must've loved, and the ladies gotta love his athleticism. Even Kinzo is stunned and can't say a thing... because he got somehow pinned by goddamn thin air. If he weren't his grandson, he would've already given up...
But I learned not to give up on things just like that... AND THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON SEEING BEATORICHE AGAIN! OOOOOOOOOOO BEATORIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
He needs to train even harder, and has used his connections to make a perfect opponent for Battler.

Episode 6

Battler is excited about finally being able to make an opponent tap, but Kinzo on the other hand reminds him that his opponent was a ROBOT, in other words, they can't tap and was programmed to do so.

Kinzo decides to take a break from regular training. Battler is finally going to the ring for his debut, but Kinzo tells him they are only looking into outside opportunities, and so used his connections to get him on the tournament an old friend of his' is running. Battler wonders just how many connections does he have, but Kinzo tells him to hurry up before the already null audience becomes even less.

One last question is asked by Battler before he leaves, and that is where his robotic version ended up.
Him? Of course... He became a sacrifice for Beatoriche!

OOOOOOOOOOOH BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEEEE, HOW MUCH WILL I NEED TO SACRIFICE FOR YOUR FEET PICTURES TO BE UPLOADED ONLINE?!!

A ROBOT VERSION OF YOU JUST ISN'T THE SAME, BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Episode 7

After an embarrassing loss due to not paying attention to the rules. Kinzo complains that kids these days have no self-control or discipline, and for today's lesson, Battler will not be punished, tortured, nor whipped, something even worse... he'll have to stay still for 15 minutes.

Just when Kinzo returns, he's able to observe Battler failing his tasks once again, so he shouts at him that he will have to try and try again until he gets it right.

Kinzo is so disappointed he doesn't even mention Beatoriche!

Episode 8[edit | edit source]

Battler keeps failing at being still for 15 minutes.

Episode 9[edit | edit source]

Kinzo suddenly creeps out from behind him and calls his name to inform him that he's honestly surprised he managed to finally stand still for 15 minutes... surprised of failing in so many creatively different ways at staying still for 15 goddamn minutes, that is.

Either way, Battler will now have to learn from the ages of yonder. Despite Kinzo's allegedly great wrestling popularity, his matches are't easy to find. That is, save for one that Kinzo keeps dearly: a legendary bout against the Sonozaki Patriarch himself, the King of Aikido Steven Sonozaki. Battler might not be ready, but Kinzo will have to entrust the tape to him and he better take notes. Despite Battler's eagerness to carry his legacy, his efforts would be better put in not ruining it instead...

As for what Kinzo will do meanwhile...
...Staring at my painting of Beatoriche and hoping she suddenly starts moving, of course.

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, BEATORIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

IF ONLY I HAD A VHS TAPE OF YOU IN THE SHOWER, I WOULD WATCH NOTHING ELSE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

Episode 11[edit | edit source]

Kinzo checks on Battler, who was too focused on the tapes to notice him; he's astonished at his legacy and more importantly the man he fought, who was using such otherworldly moves it seemed like magic was real, and asks Kinzo if he could teach him some Aikido, but not even Kinzo got to fully learn it, since only only those trained by Steven could become masters. But taking his good idea, Kinzo sings Battler to a MMA competition, but when Battler asks for a few moves to use...
Hmmm, a few submission holds, maybe? Like the ones I wish Beatoriche used on me... OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, BEATORIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I WOULD NEVER TAP OUT IF YOU'D JUST PUT ME IN THE TRIANGLE CHOKE AGAIN!
But no, he'll have to go and learn the full experience himself. Hopefully Ange won't be watching if it gets too bad.

Episode 14[edit | edit source]

After Battler defeats that pitiful and weird cartwheeling man, Kinzo returns and clarifies that he did not call him there, but he came of his own volition to "create magic", although all he did was put a terrible match...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, BEATORIIIIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IF I COULD RUB YOUR EARLOBES AGAIN, I WOULD CARTWHEEL THROUGH THE ENTIRE COAST OF ROKKENJIMA!
Either way, Gohda took care of him, and Battler must now move to his final challenge (which he eagerly awaits for all the big-breasted aunties in the front row of his upcoming profesional matches) to prove his worth: Kinzo himself.

Abjected and defeated, Battler asks Kinzo why he spent so much money and effort training him, because he was his grandchild? Just because he needs his legacy to be carried?

But before that can be answered, Kinzo is knocked out by... Kinzo, who reveals the man before him just now was mythical Korean assassin Mee Ror-fes, who had distracted him with news about the intruder. He dreads to think what he could've done to Battler had he not shown up, or worse...
He could've stolen my Beatoriche photo books! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH, BEATOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Either way, the faker imitated what he would say, and to answer Battler's question: both of those factors were considered, but what really made him do it, was that he felt like he belongs in the business, and that talent couldn't go to waste. Battler thought he was just beating his ass because he kept fucking up, but Kinzo tells Battler that in his golden days he was in a stable so powerful it might as well have ruled wrestling; yet it has fallen from grace, been forgotten, and needs to be rebuilt, and Battler is the only one that can do it. So, he wants Battler to become strong, strong enough to lead men and bring back its lost glory.

With such words, Battler is inspired to not disappoint and tries to run to his TFR debut, but Kinzo reminds him he needs to pay his dues: bumping for a dollar and a handshake. On the meantime... back to the tapes.

The Darkweb Rumble[edit | edit source]

Kinzo continues trying to get Battler to be a decent wrestler, but decides to take the dust out of his bones and get back into the professional ring, as professional as an outlaw mudshow can be.

TFR/Season 7[edit | edit source]

After TDKR being acquired and turned into BCW, Kinzo and Battler are thrown out, and while in TFR only the value of Kinzo is seen, Sminem decides to buy their contracts together.

Episode 3[edit | edit source]

Waking up in the vents, Leon S. Kennedy continues moving forwards and decides to take a different route. He awakens in a version of Rokkenjima and meets a strangely christmas-dressed Kinzo. He states he is gonna delivers presents, but after Leon runs away with a box of apple juice, he calls "Rudolph" to stop him, which he fails, and now Kinzomas is ruined.

Episode 8[edit | edit source]

Kinzo challenges his grandson to a final match to win the title of "Master of Rokkenjima", and Battler gives his all, but he still can't win against his grandpa.

The Extinct Light[edit | edit source]

Remains in TFR telling Battler to not be a dumbass and go to Amakusa Elite Wrestling but he didn't listen.

TFR/Off-Season 9[edit | edit source]

Episode 4: Rokkenjimania V[edit | edit source]

Non-Canon
...they really did it, huh? As Battler says, Coolsville is theirs once more, and it's great to see all his friends partying! Even Kinzo shows up to congratulate his grandson on how proud he made him. Bevi wonders who is the guy wasting food, as Date is pained at potatoes and meat always being in parties. Saihara Shuichi is glad to be back, what with being turned into an evil animatronic and everything. Power just wants to take a nap for a bit... nappiiiiiiiii... but if everyone is having fun, so can she! Clip2 figured he'd show up too, heh, since it took plenty effort on his end aswell, also teleported Steve along to get some loot. Hostage1 is glad to drink something that isn't amogus liquid for once. Ryan Rave arrives in great spirits to congratulate Battler too! Battler thanks everyone for being there for him, and allowing him to become the best version of himself... and now, he's ready to become King of Coolsville! Because when the clock strikes twelve... it'll be midnight... and he'll still be a faggot then, adds 47. A Noble Voice announces, as the tale concludes, of how this was the story of how a group of "ordinary" men and women took down one of the most powerful beings in all of history:
"This is the story... of when Coolsville rumbled."
Episode 5: Christmas Miracle Special
Non-Canon
Santa Kinzo arrives to deliver gifts to everyone! But most importantly, his grandson Battler. In fact, Battler received a gift from Agent 47! A strange and extremely big phallic object comes out of the box, and it reads:
GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
DIIIIIIIEEE BATTLER DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Battler wonders what he could have done to deserve such a gift, and wonders if he's in the naughty list. Worriedly, Battler proclaims he'll send an apology letter, making Kinzo wonder why he would need to when Santa is in front of him, but there's no tricking Battler now that he's all grownup—he knows Kinzo only DELIVERS the presents in Santa's name, and Kinzo awkwardly accepts to deliver the letter.

Taking a better look into his beautiful present, Battler begins giggling, then laughing at it, as Kinzo stands confused. Why, it's got a funny shape, it has "GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" written in big flashy letters, and it's got to have been awkward to acquire it! Kinzo notes his grandson actually looks quite happy, and gives him a second present: a mysterious envelope with no name nor address. It reads...

At the turn of the year, once the clock hits midnight... We will return.

Written in a strange riddling way... is it a joke? Another prank? Kinzo has no idea, nor does Battler; maybe someone prepared a party for him? Or a friend decided to visit?

Well, gotta wait and see.

Feats[edit | edit source]

  • Likes to rape. BUT IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL BEATORICHEEEEE.
  • Gave the chucklefucks at KFC marketing the ok to make a KFC VN.
  • Was killed by Agent 47. KIG.
  • Will have Beatoriche sit on him.
    • WILL have Beato enjoy the colonel's seven secret spices before she sits on him.
  • Made magic real by making Phoenix Wright float in the air.

Match History[edit | edit source]

Date Type Vs Result Records Singles Details
S1E6
Falls Count Anywhere
Fatal-4-Way
Elimination
Kinzo Ushiromiya, Mastema, Marvin Branagh, Nagito Komaeda Lose
W0 L1 -1
0 1 P
S1E8
Ushiromiya Battler (The Mystery Masters) Lose
W0 L2 -2
0 2 P
W0 L1 -1
0 1 P
Iconic Match
Battler Can Win
S2E4
Fatal-4-Way Big Smoke, Kinzo Ushiromiya, Rando, Phoenix Wright Lose
W0 L3 -3
0 3 P
For Title: King of Jobbers #1 Contender
S2E11
Raiden Lose
W0 L4 -4
0 4 P
W0 L2 -2
0 2 P
Note: Kinzo did a rope break, but White Ref somehow didn't notice, and the replay was mysteriously erased.
OS3E6
NON-CANON Agent 47 Lose Note: The last goodbye match for Kinzo.
S6E14.6
Steve Win
S6E15.5
NON-CANON
Elimination Chamber
  1. #5 Ushiromiya Kinzo
  2. #3 Bane
  3. #6 Emperor
  4. #4 Our Black Friend
  5. #1 Chad
  6. #2 Mastema
Lose Rokkenjimania II
NON-CANON Kotomine Kirei Lose
S6E17
Royal Rumble
20
  1. Bane
  2. Albert Wesker
  3. HUNK
  4. Agent 47
  5. Zoomer
  6. Ricardo Milos
  7. Ushiromiya Kinzo
  8. Mr. X
  9. Kotomine Kirei
  10. Kyle Hyde
  11. Leon Kennedy
  12. Dutch van der Linde
  13. Chris Redfield
  14. Boomer
  15. Saihara Shuichi
  16. Mastema
  17. Spider-Man
  18. Phoenix Wright
  19. Steve
  20. Extra
Lose
W0 L5 -5
0 4 P
For Title: /v/ #1 Contender

Elimination №8

OS6E1
Tag-Team The Ushiromiyas
Feed & Seed
Win
W1 L5 -4
0 4 P
OS6E2
Royal Rumble
30
  1. Sneed
  2. Kaidou Shun
  3. Delta
  4. Ushiromiya Battler
  5. Jayden
  6. Jevil
  7. Eren Yeager
  8. Gregory Edgeworth
  9. Gokuhara Gonta
  10. Jacopo Bearzatti
  11. Morgana
  12. Emperor
  13. Rakesh Kumar Orton
  14. Zeussu
  15. Extra
  16. Apollo Justice
  17. YandereDev
  18. Fatlus
  19. Our Black Friend
  20. Narihisago Akihito
  21. Deid Mann
  22. Store Manager
  23. Shinguji Korekiyo
  24. Hagakure Yasuhiro
  25. Mishina Eikichi
  26. Nanjo Kei
  27. Saihara Shuichi
  28. Manuel
  29. Ushiromiya Kinzo
  30. Bevi
Lose
W1 L6 -5
0 4 P
Elimination №25
OS6E3
Susuhara Suzumu Lose
W1 L7 -6
0 4 P
W0 L3 -3
0 2 P
OS6E7
Royal Rumble
30
  1. J.J. Racaza
  2. Burgerberg Q-taro
  3. Apollo Justice
  4. Yanagishita Junichi
  5. Satou Gashu
  6. Okonogi Tetsurou
  7. Okonogi Tetsurou
  8. Wang Yuanhong
  9. Agent 17
  10. Laius Thorden
  11. Hagakure Yasuhiro
  12. Deid Mann
  13. Vinegar Doppio
  14. Shoji Shingo
  15. Parco Folgore
  16. Lucid
  17. Okonogi Tetsurou
  18. Store Manager
  19. Gokuhara Gonta
  20. Mishina Eikichi
  21. Our Black Friend
  22. Shinguji Korekiyo
  23. Ushiromiya Kinzo
  24. Takahashi Ryosuke
  25. Ushiromiya Battler
  26. Fatlus
  27. Nanjo Kei
  28. Draco Malfoy
  29. Kaidou Shun
  30. Sam Stone
Lose
W1 L8 -7
0 4 P
Elimination №22
S7E2
Tables

2/3 Falls

Mario (2) Lose
(1)
W1 L9 -8
1 4 P
W0 L4 -4
1 4 P
S7E5
Agent 47 Win
W2 L9 -7
2 4 P
W1 L4 -3
2 4 P
S7E6
Royal Rumble
20
  1. Chad
  2. V
  3. Nakamura Shinsuke
  4. Ilya Kuvshinov
  5. Russell Adler
  6. John Bradford
  7. Kong Wenge
  8. Senator Armstrong
  9. Brendan Fraser
  10. Chris Redfield
  11. Agent 47
  12. Kotomine Kirei
  13. Robert
  14. Spazz Maticus
  15. Ushiromiya Kinzo
  16. Third Carlos
  17. Akasaka Mamoru
  18. Dr. Piccolo
  19. Maximillion Pegasus
  20. Rean Schwarzer
Lose
W2 L10 -8
2 4 P
For: TFR General Manager Position

Elimination №14

S7E8
Ushiromiya Battler Win
W3 L10 -7
3 4 P
W2 L4 -2
3 4 P
「Tournament Qualifiers」
→Qualifiers Phase 2

Support: Beatrice

S7E9
Tag-Team Elimination Roman Reigns & Arikado Genya & Ushiromiya Kinzo & Akasaka Mamoru
Gale & Gregory Edgeworth & The Circus
Win
W4 L10 -6
4 4 P
TFR vs. BCW Tournament」
OS7E5
NON-CANON
Hell in a Cell
???
Gale NC Note: Experimental Match Type
OS7E7
NON-CANON Ooishi Kuraudo Win
OS7E14
Old Man Who Cried Wolf Win
S0E1
Royal Rumble Full List Lose
W4 L11 -7
4 4 P
For Title: TFR
S0E5.1
NON-CANON
Royal Rumble
Full List Lose
S0E9
2/3 Falls Steven Sonozaki (0-2) Win
W5 L11 -6
6 4 P
W3 L4 -1
5 4 P
"The Greatest Goldsmith VHS Tape"
As: Young Kinzo (no es peleador viejo)

Note: Steven let the young talent go over...

S0E14
Ironman 30' Ushiromiya Battler (4-4) Draw
W5 L11 -5
10 8 P
W3 L4 0
9 8 P
As: Ushiromiya Kinzo?
Extreme Rules
Sudden Death
Ushiromiya Battler Win
W6 L11 -4
11 8 P
W4 L4 1
10 8 P
OS8E2
NON-CANON
Triple-Threat
Old Man Who Cried Wolf, Ooishi Kuraudo, Ushiromiya Kinzo, Win Rokkenjimania III』– Opening Arc
OS8E9
Handicap Saihara Shuichi
Ushiromiya Kinzo, Mario (2022), Kasai Tatsuyoshi
Win
W7 L11 -3
11 8 P
For Title: Literal Jobber #1 Contender (to fall scorer). Note: Prattio scored the fall.
📷Gallery

Match History/AA Rumble[edit | edit source]

AA Rumble
Date Type Vs Result Records Singles Details
S0E9
Ladder Datz Are'bal, Kristoph Gavin, Godot, Saihara Shuichi, Tyrell Badd, Polly, Sebastian Debeste, Ushiromiya Kinzo Lose
W0 L1 -1
0 0 P

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • May also be the owner of KFC.
    • KFC is real
    • KFC is not real
    • When he died all KFC chicken vanished with him. This has caused crime rates in Detroit, Hell to skyrocket.
      • Now that he's back, reported KWAB estimate had decreased considerably.

Gallery[edit | edit source]

📷Gallery