TFR Season 8 Episode 11

From The Final Rumble Wiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search

2 part episode due to reasons

Opening Match[edit | edit source]

  1. Apollo Justice
  2. Vorgin
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Singles

Vorgin Winner

Tough Enough STAGE 8: Face your Mentor[edit | edit source]

Kyle Hyde
So that was it, huh...
Putting those kids in the ring with Potemkin might've been just way too unfair.
Just a while ago he was holding the world title. The sumo contest was nothing but a warmup for him.
And now Chai's fate is sealed. Damn those bullshit rules Mod came up with... I can't let them ruin people's careers like that!
They all still have so much untapped potential. The least I can do is look out for them, even after they're eliminated.
That's right. I never got to say goodbye to Reize, either... And it's almost time for the show to start.
I should give him a call while I still have a chance.
Reize Seatlan
Kyle! Great to see you! It already feels like forever!
Kyle Hyde
Hey. Yeah, things have been pretty busy, right?
So, I just wanted to check on you, considering you were let go before I could even do anything about it...
I'm sorry about that. It was the General Manager's call to start with the eliminations, and they never consulted me about it.
Reize Seatlan
Don't worry about that! It's been a dream come true to experience wrestling for a promotion like AEW!
And I can't wait to tour indies all over the world in the near future, too.
Kyle Hyde
Well, uh, I don't really keep up with AEW, but congratulations on your debut.
They sure were fast to grab you as soon as you were let go.
Reize Seatlan
My daddy has attended some of the owners's parties, so he knows them pretty well... Things went really fast from there.
Kyle Hyde
You telling me you call your old man "Daddy"?
...Uh, regardless, I just wanted to-
Reize Seatlan
Hold on, Kyle! Little surprise for you!
Seems like your friend really wants to talk to you!
Nero
...You again.
Kyle Hyde
Yeah. What about it?
Nero
Just can't keep your nose out of our business, hm?
Not only do you scout young, promising talent like Reize, only to do your best to shatter their dreams as soon as they sign...
But now that we're making him a star, you've already started with your old contract tampering shit!
Kyle Hyde
Contract tampering? I was just having a sincere talk with him.
Nero
Like I don't know you tyrants.
Stay away. You're not welcome here.
You had a chance to be. We sincerely wanted to create a good environment for everyone, including you.
But as always, you went there and blew it.
Kyle Hyde
Your cheap attempts at pissing me off are getting tiresome.
If you want to settle this, just be straight about it!
Nero
AEW has bigger things to worry about. I just want to make sure our guys are safe and protected from people like you.
Don't go calling Reize ever again. You've been warned.
Kyle Hyde
...Insufferable little prick.
I've still got a lot to take care of. But don't think that's the last you've seen of me.
Ricky Cumshotta
Kyle, amigo... You been talking to yourself, perchance?
Kyle Hyde
Huh? Ricky? What are you doing here?
Actually, nevermind that! I was about to give you a call. We never got to have a proper chat after you were eliminated, either.
Ricky Cumshotta
Oh, we'll have plenty of time to do that. I'll be sticking around.
Kyle Hyde
Hm? Did you convince them to give you another chance?
Ricky Cumshotta
I meant as a spectator. I gotta root for mi familia, right?
Kyle Hyde
Right, Boogie is still in the running. He's doing well, too.
Didn't anyone try to throw you out, though?
Ricky Cumshotta
Nah, I just walked right in. Was pretty easy to get access to backstage.
Kyle Hyde
That... Speaks volumes about our security staff.
But anyway, if anyone tries to do such a thing, they'll have to get through me first.
If you wanna stick around, there's no harm in that and I won't hear otherwise.
Ricky Cumshotta
Heh, it's reassuring to know you've got my back. Sometimes even the biggest stars need a fluffer to help them out.
Kyle Hyde
I don't really know what you mean by that, but... Sure, yeah, if anything is bothering you I'll lend a hand anytime.
Phi
Kyle, what's taking you so long? Commercials are gonna be over soon. Let's get out there!
Kyle Hyde
That's my cue. I'll be seeing you around.
Also, it's better if you watch from here. The crowd would be confused if they saw you.
Ricky Cumshotta
Next time I'll bring an extra pair of sunglasses. No one will know I'm here!

Roger Retinz
Tonight is a very special night for Tough Enough!
Our mentors have been hard at work privately coaching those promising up-and-comers, and we'll finally get to see the results!
Better yet, our TFR Professionals will witness them first-hand, in a one-on-one match!
If the most likely outcome happens, and the mentor wins, the rookie will earn no points at all. Chin up, and better luck next time!
However, if the rookie can pull out an upset, they'll earn themselves two points on our scoreboard!
No matter how the match ends, though, if the audience enjoys the show that was put on, they can award the participants with one extra point.
So, strive not only to win, but also to put on the best performance possible!
Suou Tatsuya
Hmmm... Just a straightforward one-on-one, no gimmicks. I'm surprised.
I was starting to think we'd be preparing for a Reverse Royal Rumble or a First Man Laying match...
Sareth
Falls Count Somewhere... Last Blood... Mountain Dew Pitch Black Match...
Suou Tatsuya
Okay, don't give them any ideas.
Sareth
Fair enough. Looking forward to seeing how strong your kicks are.
Suou Tatsuya
I could barely walk for a few days with how much you made me repeat those drills...
Kido Reiji
Mechazawa... If they're gonna hit hard, you can bet I will, too.
Don't treat this like a sparring session. I want to see how smooth you've become.
None of those robotic-looking strikes from before.
Mechazawa Shinichi
Smooth as whiskey, Reiji. No clunkiness here. Just pure, deadly strikes.
Kido Reiji
That's right. Remember the form, the stance, everything you saw in that Undertaker tape.
Samurai Flamenco
You don't think anyone would lay down to get their rookie an easy win, do you?
George Jackman
PREPOSTEROUS! If they were to desecrate puroresu like that, I would personally bring them to JUSTICE!
Donte
Shit, they're on to me...
Boogie Woogie Wu
Sorry, did you say anything?
Donte
N-Nah, I was just thinking about how Vorgin is an eliminated small-dick bitch.
Also that I can't wait to ching chong chang with you so I can show off my "Kung-Fuck".
Boogie Woogie Wu
Oh, okay... Just know I don't plan on losing my undefeated streak anytime soon!
Wayne
The quantum foam parts to reveal the hidden staircase leading to the realm of the Unblinking Ones.
Shall we ascend, my friend, and take part in the cosmic ballet that unfolds beyond the veil of perception?
Gregson
Ascending... Staircase...
I understand. You want us to have a high-flying classic!
And the Unblinking Ones, of course, refers to the crowd. Enthralled by the spectacle they're witnessing, they don't want to close their eyes for even a second.
Then... It might be time to whip out my deadliest maneuver yet... The Moonsault Headbutt. Now that's disco!
Narushima Koga
Sheeeeeesh, I gotta say I'm still hurting from getting tossed outside like that.
But if I can't do this, then can I even call myself the fist-eye?
The certified rizzler? The skibidi shizzler? El duro? El puño? El Kengan?
Nah, fam, I gotta ride with this shit to the end!
Hisoka
Hmmmmmm... That's what I like to hear...
I wonder, though, are you really ripe just yet? ♣
It almost feels like it's too soon. ♠
I wanted to have more fun with you.
I'll figure it out, so... For the time being, entertain me.
Chai
Haaaahh...
Everyone's all pumped up, and I'm just here feeling sorry for myself...
What's the point anyways? It's already over for me! Can't I just go home?!
Kyle Hyde
Chai.
Chai
...?
Kyle Hyde
There IS a point. Even if you don't know it yet.
I want to see the best you've got. And as your mentor, I'd selfishly be happy to see what you learned.
Could you... Do me this favor? Face me, with everything you have!
Chai
Favor?
W-Well, if it's like that... Yeah, sure! I'd hate to let any more people down at this point!
Kyle Hyde
Then you better not. Let's see what you've got!
Roger Retinz
That's the spirit!
Because NEXT UP, we're kicking things off!

Facing Your Mentor: Vs. KIDO REIJI[edit | edit source]

  1. Kido Reiji
  2. Mechazawa Shinichi
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Singles

Kido Reiji Winner

BONUS POINT?

  1. NO
  2. YES

Facing Your Mentor: Vs. DONTE[edit | edit source]

  1. Donte
  2. Boogie Woogie Wu
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Singles

Boogie Woogie Wu Winner

Vorgin invaded the match to distract Boogie

BONUS POINT?

  1. YES
  2. NO

Young Lion in the Tiger's Cage[edit | edit source]

  1. Ushiromiya Battler
  2. Johnny Cage
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: Small G1 Arena, Japan
  • Singles

Johnny Cage Winner

Learning in Club UK: From Past's Enemies[edit | edit source]

Ryuki Kuruto
So, uh, Mr. Pegasus... Sorry to ask, but why did you bring me to a British pub?
I mean, I'm sure you don't wanna see me when I'm drunk.
Maximillion Pegasus
Isn't it obvious, Ryuki-boy? You need to educate yourself in our sacred art.
I figured Erwin didn't have the time to teach you about how unique wrestling culture is all around the world.
You were still learning the fundamentals, after all.
Now, something extremely valuable in British wrestling is technique.
That, of course, refers not only to perfect and smooth execution of grapples and holds in general, but also ring psychology.
There's no better place in the world to learn about match pacing, limb targeting, and, of course, some good old mat work.
You can't consider yourself a proper wrestler if you don't know how to apply a proper headcrank.
Ryuki Kuruto
A headcrank? Isn't that gonna put the audience to sleep?
I saw plenty of people online complaining about it.
Maximillion Pegasus
...
You see... I understand your generation of "talent" might just not understand the sport. They just don't have "it". But don't let that get to you.
See, back in the day, I worked with some of the greatest to ever do it, and none of them would say something this absurd.
Names like Tom Brady, Kuzunoha Raidou, Hagakure Yasuhiro... Even Todoroki...
...Huh, Todoroki...?
Ryuki Kuruto
What's up?
Todoroki Shoto
...
Maximillion Pegasus
That- That's him right there, by the pool table!
You should consider yourself lucky. It's exactly what we needed at such a time.
I still remember it like yesterday... When I got that contract...
Of course, he was there, too... Erwin...

Erwin Smith
I'd like to thank you for doing us this favor.
I've been looking forward to the opportunity of having him join us for a while now.
Todoroki Shoto
Hey, I should be the one thanking you guys.
I've got a lot to look forward to in NXT UK. Feels like I can fit right in there.
Besides, I'll get to work the local indies, which I couldn't if I stayed here.
How can I say no to such an opportunity?
Maximillion Pegasus
That UK deal wouldn't be possible without Erwin, so we both have a lot to thank him for.
Erwin Smith
No need to flatter me. It's what I'm here for.
But now... I think I just thought of a way to get some heat on you to kickstart your career here, Pegasus.
Todoroki, would you be willing to help us out?
Todoroki Shoto
Of course. Let's hear it.

Maximillion Pegasus
Always a mastermind, weren't you?
Listen, Ryuki-boy, I have an idea. Come with me, let us greet him.
...Good evening, old friend!
Todoroki Shoto
Pegasus? Didn't expect to see you here!
Maximillion Pegasus
It's been a while, has it not?
Todoroki Shoto
Yeah. Last time we saw each other was backstage at the show where I broke the ring with Shrek.
That was quite the match.
Maximillion Pegasus
It was truly splendid, indeed.
(That's right, he doesn't have any memories from when he sold us his contract. That was back in the old world.)
(Sometimes it's hard to keep track of such things.)
Todoroki Shoto
I guess we never got to talk much. How is it going? I see you're still carrying that title.
Planning to come back any time soon?
Maximillion Pegasus
Well, eventually. But first, I have a mission to accomplish.
You see this young man over here? He's a newcomer to the business.
Ryuki Kuruto
Greetings! My name is Ryuki.
Maximillion Pegasus
...As you would expect of a rookie... He's just awful.
Ryuki Kuruto
M-Mr. Pegasus...
Maximillion Pegasus
Pardon. What I mean to say is that I've been working on his development.
I want to make sure he doesn't turn out like others from this current generation of wrestlers... My old friend's legacy depends on it.
So, when I saw you, I knew you could be of help. As a fellow veteran of mine, Ryuki could learn a lot from you.
It'd be great for him to incorporate some classic British wrestling into his arsenal.
Todoroki Shoto
Hmmmm... I mean, why not? I'm used to working with inexperienced people in the indies. This could be fun.
You might be new, but I'm sure you've got some skills.
Maximillion Pegasus
Excellent. Who better to teach this young 29-year old rookie than an experienced 16-year old with hundreds of matches under his belt?
Ryuki Kuruto
I-I'll try my best! Let's go!

  1. Todoroki Shoto
  2. Ryuki Kuruto
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: Club UK
  • Singles

📷Gallery
Ryuki Kuruto Winner

Fray galore


Maximillion Pegasus
That's not it, Ryuki!
He's running circles around you!
Ryuki Kuruto
I-I don't think I did that bad, did I?
Come on, I even got the win!
Maximillion Pegasus
It's not about winning or losing. Sure, that's important, but not what you should worry about now!
Where were the athletic reversals? The chinlocks? The armbars? Limb work and psychology?
What story were you trying to tell in that match?
It doesn't seem like you stopped to think about it for even a second. You just wanted to get your moves in and show your athleticism.
And as far as that goes, you did execute it pretty well. But you need to slow down! You need to soak it all in, and let the crowd do the same too!
Besides... What did you even learn about British wrestling just now?
Ryuki Kuruto
Well, ummm... Todoroki is a pretty cool guy, I guess.
I should've given him a handshake after the match, right? To show my appreciation.
Maximillion Pegasus
That's not the point, either!
What have they been teaching young wrestlers nowadays? Back in my day... It was nothing like that.
Ryuki Kuruto
You see, when I was in AEW-
Maximillion Pegasus
Forget about AEW! What about what Erwin taught you? Remember that, and that only.
Todoroki Shoto
That's enough, Pegasus. I think he gets the message. Don't be too harsh on the kid.
Maximillion Pegasus
Fine...
Todoroki Shoto
Also, let me drop my two cents for a second here...
Really cool flips and stuff. You did a nice move and then I replied with a great move and then we did moves and moves and then you moved.
Certified banger if you ask me. I hope the Observer rates it.
Maximillion Pegasus
...
Let us head to our next destination.
Ryuki Kuruto
Alright. After you.

???
Staying committed to it, aren't you?
It's alright. We have friends all over the world. No matter where you go, we'll be watching.

Facing Your Mentor: Vs. GEORGE JACKMAN[edit | edit source]

  1. Samurai Flamenco
  2. George Jackman
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Referee: Refxtra
  • Singles

George Jackman Winner

BONUS POINT?

  1. YES
  2. NO

World Title Championship: Facing Your Mentor: Vs. WAYNE[edit | edit source]

  1. Gregson
  2. Wayne(Champion)
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Referee: Refxtra
  • Championship: world title
  • Singles

Wayne Winner

Wayne told the staff backstage to make it a championship match without higher-ups approval.

BONUS POINT?

  1. NO
  2. YES

Mystery at Club Vesuvio: The Case of the Redeemed Google Play Cards[edit | edit source]

Ushiromiya Battler
...Vesuvio? What is this, an Italian restaurant or something?
Tohno Shiki
It used to be. I heard the Soprano Family used to use it as a meeting place when they were still around. But when they left, the owner had to reopen the place. Now it's a host club.
Ushiromiya Battler
A... host club?
Tohno Shiki
Yeah, you never heard of them?
Ushiromiya Battler
No, I know what it is. I just don't get why you insisted this needed to be kept secret. Will the older guys bust our balls if they find out we're working here or something?
Tohno Shiki
What? No. They couldn't care less. You already had a run-in with Sensei and the others on your first day, right?
Ushiromiya Battler
O-Oh. I think I see what you're getting at. Are they really that dangerous?
Tohno Shiki
No. Not at all. In fact, they're harmless. They might put up a front, but it's just an act. The truth is, they're hopelessly awkward when it comes to things like romance. Well... except for D.Va. If you value your extremities remaining attached to your body rather than rotting off, don't let yourself be alone with her.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, right. Thanks for the heads up.
Tohno Shiki
But the others... They're too proud to ever come to a host club of their own accord. But if they found out we were working here, that pride would instantly crumble. It'd be too much stimulation for them, and something inside them would doubtless awaken. I shudder to think what would happen after that...
Ushiromiya Battler
Okay, okay I get it. You've painted a vivid enough picture of the premenopause apocalypse. I won't tell anyone. My lips are sealed.
Tohno Shiki
Loose lips sink ships. Don't forget that.

Emiya Shirou
Yo, Shiki. Oh, is that the new guy you mentioned?
Tohno Shiki
Yeah. This is Battl- Woah, hold up. Why do you look like you just killed somebody?
Emiya Shirou
Oh, that. Artie and I made a display cake earlier. Since it's not like anybody'd be eating it, he had us use some industrial strength food coloring in the frosting. Figured that'd help it keep longer. Anywho, we get it all set up only for someone to go and knock it over within the hour. Stuff stains real nice, me, Yukari and the Bartender spent the better part of the afternoon cleanin' the mess. Guess Artie helped a little too in between having a meltdown over it.
Tohno Shiki
Were you able to clean it up? I can only imagine the mood Artie's gonna be in if there's bright red stains all over the foyer.
Emiya Shirou
Yeah. Had to use bleach to get it out though, so there's a wonderful smell inside.
Tohno Shiki
Wait, forget Artie. If Yukari had to help clean, and her clothes got ruined by this stuff, we're in for a bad time.
Emiya Shirou
Ah, don't worry. We had enough spare aprons lying around that no one's clothes got ruined. She's probably still in a rotten mood though, just not at nuclear holocaust levels. We didn't have any spare gloves, so everyone's hands look like mine. Doubt she's all too happy about that. Only thing that gets this stuff out is bleach, and you can't exactly go washing your hands with that. I reckon some rubbing alcohol'd do the trick, but we don't have any of that lying around. Was gonna see if I could run by the convenience store and grab some, but we're about to open for the night.
Tohno Shiki
Thanks for the advance warning, I guess.
Emiya Shirou
Don't mention it. Oh, and where are my manners? I went rambling on and didn't properly introduce myself. I'm Emiya Shirou.
Ushiromiya Battler
Ushiromiya Battler. You one of the hosts here?
Emiya Shirou
Me? No way. I don't have the balls to do what you guys do. If I had to doll myself up and start sweet-talking older women, then someone I knew like Fuji-nee walked in, I'd just about die on the spot. I'm just a cook. Been working here since before Artie turned it into a host club, back when it was just an honest restaurant. Well, as honest as a mafia hangout gets I guess.
Tohno Shiki
We better stop delaying the inevitable. Let's go in.

Takeba Yukari
Welcome to Club Vesu-! Oh, it's just you Tohno. Who's your fruity friend? You start taking male clients?
Tohno Shiki
Nice to see you too, Yukari. I was gonna talk with Artie and the Bartender and see about getting him a job.
Takeba Yukari
Ohhh? Well he's got the metrosexual look down pat. And he's even got the fairy saunter like he's walking around with a buttplug shoved up his ass. He'll be a surefire hit with those dried up battle-axes.
Ushiromiya Battler
H-Hey, we haven't even been introduced properly. Is that any way to talk to someone you don't even know?
Takeba Yukari
You walked in here with your Queer Eye ensemble already on, usually the boys have to go through the bartender for that. That tells me everything I need to know, namely that you could suck a golfball through a garden hose. But if you insist... My name is Takeba Yukari. I'm the receptionist here at Club Vesuvio. It's my job to stand out front and look pretty so that the desperate hags that frequent here feel extra insecure when they spend the evening with one of our many fine, talented, handsome hosts.
Ushiromiya Battler
Right. Well my name is-
Takeba Yukari
Didn't ask. Don't care.
Tohno Shiki
Well, Shirou warned us. Come on, let's go find Artie.

Artie Bucco
Where the hell have you been? You're the one who does the interviews!
The Bartender
I was washing my hands, sue me. So, you think this guy will work out?
Artie Bucco
I don't know, I don't know, what do you think? This isn't my thing.
The Bartender
Well he's tall, at least compared to Tohno and Matou, so that's a definite plus. Not dressed too shabby either. I think he'll be fine.
Artie Bucco
All right, great. Get him set up then.
The Bartender
Your outfit's good enough as is, don't think we need to worry about getting you dressed up. You get points for making my job easier.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, thanks I guess.
The Bartender
You all right talking to older women, kid?
Ushiromiya Battler
Yes? I mean I'm talking to you, right?
The Bartender
And there goes your points. Well whatever, with the way you look it doesn't matter if you have the personality of a wet towel. All our clients tend to be push-overs, so I'm sure you'll be fine. You can go hangout in the locker room until you've been requested. Freshen up, bleed your lizard, do whatever you need to do.
Ushiromiya Battler
Bleed my... lizard? Uh, right.

(Chapter END)


Part 2[edit | edit source]

Ushiromiya Battler
I wasn't feeling nervous before, but now that I'm just waiting, this is kinda nerve-wracking. Honestly, part of me hopes I won't get requested at all.
Matou Shinji
So you're the newbie everyone's been talking about. Hmph. I don't see what the big deal is.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah. I'm Ushiromiya Battler. Nice to meet you.
Matou Shinji
U-Ushiromiya? Like those Ushiromiyas? The Ushiromiya Group Ushiromiyas who have a mountain of gold!?
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, yeah I guess. My grandfather's supposed to have a mountain of gold hidden somewhere. At least that's what everyone says. I've never seen it myself.
Matou Shinji
Tch. H-Hmph! Well, I'm Matou Shinji. As in those Matous, you know, the Matou! The Matou who struck fear across Japan and even Coolsville! So don't think you're special just because you're from some rich, famous family!
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, I don't.
Matou Shinji
And I'm the number one host here at Club Vesuvio, you hear me? NUMBER 1! So just fall in line, do as I say and stay out of my way!
Ushiromiya Battler
Sure, whatever you say, man.
Tohno Shiki
Yo, Battler. You ready for this?
Ushiromiya Battler
Oh, Shiki. Damn, you clean up pretty nice.
Tohno Shiki
Heh. Isn't that just a roundabout way of saying I normally look like a geek?
Ushiromiya Battler
Hey, you said it, not me.
Tohno Shiki
Haha.
Matou Shinji
Hey. Tohno! You need to teach your little friend here some respect!
Tohno Shiki
Oh, you already figured out Shinji here was full of shit without me telling you? Good on you.
Matou Shinji
What did you say!? Why you...
Tohno Shiki
He's kind of a dick, but he's not that bad once you get used to him.
Ushiromiya Battler
If you say so.
Matou Shinji
Hey! Don't talk shit about me like I'm not standing right here!
Tohno Shiki
You got any idea what you're gonna say once you're out there?
Ushiromiya Battler
Hmm... Well, I was thinking to start I'd hit 'em with something like <Good evening, madam.> 'The night's beauty is only eclipsed by you.' And then, to finish, something along the lines of <See you again. Have a nice day!>
Tohno Shiki
E-English, huh?
Matou Shinji
AHAHAHAHA! Hey, Tohno. Where'd you find this guy? Is he a comedian or something? No, no... He's a clown! Ahahahaha!
Ushiromiya Battler
H-Hey. It'll work! You'll see!
Tohno Shiki
If you're confident enough, I guess you can pull anything off.
Artie Bucco
Nanaya! You're up.
Ushiromiya Battler
Nanaya...?
Tohno Shiki
My stage name. Good luck tonight.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah, you too.
Tohno Shiki
Heh. Don't need it.
Matou Shinji
Hey, what the hell is this? Why is Tohno getting requested before me!?
The Bartender
New guy!
Ushiromiya Battler
Y-Yes!
The Bartender
Hope you're ready. You're up!
Ushiromiya Battler
Right!
Matou Shinji
HUH!? T-THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!

The Bartender
All right, kid. Your customer is a first-timer, just like you. Normally we'd pair someone like that up with someone who's got experience and tenure, but she seemed pretty nervous. I brought up putting her with a new guy, and she was receptive to that.
Ushiromiya Battler
All right! Uh, you have any advice?
The Bartender
The women that come here just want to feel young again. Just treat 'em like you'd treat a pretty girl your age, and they'll go head over heels for you.
Ushiromiya Battler
Right. Got it.

Ushiromiya Battler
<G-Good evening, madam.> M-May I say, the beauty of this night is only eclipsed by your own radiance.
Ushiromiya Rosa
G-G-Good evening! Um, I'm kind of new to this so I'll be in your care, and- ...Ah.
Ushiromiya Battler
...Ah.
Ushiromiya Rosa
.....
Ushiromiya Battler
.....
Ushiromiya Rosa
B-B-B-B-B-B...
Ushiromiya Battler
A-Aunt Rosa!?!?
Ushiromiya Rosa
B-B-BATTLER!?!?!?!!??!?!?!
Ushiromiya Battler
Wh-Wh-What are you doing here!?
Ushiromiya Rosa
Th-That's, um, well... I mean what are YOU doing here?!
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, I'm working here.
Ushiromiya Rosa
I-I can see that, but!
Ushiromiya Battler
S-Sorry. Ugh, this is really embarrassing. Look, Aunt Rosa, I'll uh... I'll go talk to the Bartender, and we'll get you set up with a different host.
Ushiromiya Rosa
N-NO!!!
Ushiromiya Battler
H-Huh!?!?
Ushiromiya Rosa
Uh, well, um... I mean, tonight is your first time right? A-A-And it's my first time too, I wouldn't want to cause you or the club any trouble as a first time customer.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, if you say so. But are you really okay with this?
Ushiromiya Rosa
I-I'm okay with it!!!
Ushiromiya Battler
R-Right. G-Great.
(Ugh. Somebody just kill me right now. This is a complete a total nightmare. Why did I think this was a good idea? I'm gonna kill Shiki for this.)
(This must be exactly what Shiki was talking about with the female wrestlers earlier. The scenario he feared...)
Ushiromiya Rosa
S-S-So Battler, how'd you wind up working in a host club anyway?
Ushiromiya Battler
Well I've been wrestling but it doesn't pay a whole lot. So one of my friends at the wrestling promotion clued me in to this place.
Ushiromiya Rosa
I see. You've been wrestling. Hmm. I think Rudolph mentioned something like that the last time I spoke with him. I always thought pro-wrestlers were just middled-aged muscle bound ogres but I guess young men like you can do it too. H-Hey. If you're wrestling does that mean you're grappling with other boys your age with your shirts off and stuff!?
Ushiromiya Battler
Well I usually just wear a pair of my usual clothes when I wrestle, but uh, I guess some of the guys don't wear shirts.
Ushiromiya Rosa
But even still you get all sweaty and stuff, right!? And then after you've wrestled you go in the back and take your shirt off and have a shower together!?!?
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh... I guess?
Ushiromiya Rosa
Haa... Haa... Haa... I always yelled at Maria for watching that stupid crap, but maybe it's not so bad after all...
Ushiromiya Battler
H-How has Maria been doing anyhow?
Ushiromiya Rosa
Huh? Who cares about her.

Ushiromiya Battler
(Somehow I survived and didn't die from embarrassment.)
<See you again. Have a nice day!>
Ushiromiya Rosa
Hahaha! What the heck was that? There's no way you'd get away with that one if you weren't as handsome as you are, Battler.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, r-right.
Ushiromiya Rosa
<See you again.> I'll be coming back for sure!
Ushiromiya Battler
I, uh, l-look forward to it...
The Bartender
Damn, that seemed like it went really well. What the hell did you say to her?
Ushiromiya Battler
I'd... rather not talk about it.
The Bartender
???

(Chapter END)


Part 3[edit | edit source]

Artie Bucco
You're the police, can't you just track them down electronically?
Togusa
Well we did, sir. Someone has been buying Google Play cards using your customer's credit cards. We traced the transaction to the computers here.
Artie Bucco
So then, just- Just trace the Google Play cards or something!
Togusa
I'm afraid we can't do that, sir. Those things are utterly untraceable.
Artie Bucco
I'm not shutting down my business so you can conduct your little investigation! You don't even have a warrant!
Togusa
Well that's why I'm here. We'd like to give you a chance to solve this in-house before we get involved. And, need I remind you, it's your business being defrauded here. The way the culprit has it set up, they're splitting the customer's transactions between your club and these Google Play cards. So technically, they're not really stealing from the customers at all, they're skimming your profits. We only even found out about this because one of your customers actually looked at her credit card statement and noticed something was strange.
Artie Bucco
.........Yukari! Get everyone together, we need to have a meeting!
Takeba Yukari
Huh? But it's closing time I was about to leave-
Artie Bucco
GO! NOW!
Takeba Yukari
Tch. Fine.

Ushiromiya Battler
(What a first day... First, my first customer was Aunt Rosa. Now we're getting our asses reamed because someone's been defrauding the club.)
Artie Bucco
I don't know which one of you pieces of shit did this, but I've been good to you! AND YOU PAY ME BACK, WITH NONSTOP ASSRAPE!?!?!? WELL FUCK ALL OF YOU!
Emiya Shirou
Hey, Artie, come on. I get that you're upset but there's need for this. This has all gotta be some kinda misunderstanding, right?
Togusa
I'm afraid not, kid. We traced the Google Play card purchases to this club's network, and it's been ongoing for the past few weeks. I think that narrows it down to one of the employees here.
Artie Bucco
So? Anyone got anything to say?
Everyone
...
Togusa
I don't think you're going to get anywhere like this. I think your best course of action would be to figure which one of you has the strongest alibi and have them lead the investigation.
Artie Bucco
That's gotta be me right? I'm the owner, I'm the one getting' bent over a barrel here!
Togusa
Mmm... Not necessarily. Especially with that outburst earlier, you're plenty suspicious. It's entirely possible that you've set things up so that it looks like you're being defrauded, but it's just a mask to hide that you're embezzling your club's profits.
Artie Bucco
Wh-What!? Do you have any evidence, huh?! What are you basing that kind of baseless, th-that kind of outrageous accusation on!?
SpeeTogusach
No one's accusing anyone of anything, yet. I'm just saying that you can't be ruled out as a suspect just because you own the club and you're the one being stolen from. We have no way of knowing where the funds of those Google Play cards are going, remember?
Ushiromiya Battler
Um...
Togusa
Hm? You got something to say, kid?
Artie Bucco
I knew it! It was you, wasn't it?! I should have never hired you!
Ushiromiya Battler
N-No, it's about what you said earlier. You said these transactions have been going on for weeks, so it's gotta be one of the employees here, right?
Togusa
Yeah, that's right.
Ushiromiya Battler
Well, today was my first day on the job. So that's a pretty strong alibi, right?
Togusa
That's probably as strong an alibi as we're gonna get. Are you volunteering to be the 'detective', so to speak?
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah. I'll do it.
Togusa
Do you have any experience with this kind of thing?
Ushiromiya Battler
Um, I've read a bunch of detective novels. And I was part of a group called the 'Elite Enigmas' at the wrestling company I used to work at!
Takeba Yukari
Oh my god... He read a bunch of shitty books and had a stupid wrestling gimmick, we're saved! Sherlock Holmes is here, everyone!
Togusa
That's as good as anything. What's important is that your alibi disqualifies you from being the culprit. If you get stumped, I'll be here. Good luck.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah! Just leave it to Battler Ushiromiya: Ace Detective!
Takeba Yukari
Pffft. 'Battler Ushiromiya: Ace Detective?' More like... Faggler Ushitromiya: Stupid Faggot Little Cocksucker!
Ushiromiya Battler
...Wow. Are you related to any bald guys, by any chance?
Takeba Yukari
Uh, no? Yuck!
Togusa
All right kid, the floor is all yours. Way I see it the two things you should do are interview everyone and investigate the club itself. Everyone's already gathered here, so you may as well get that out of the way. Just my two cents.

Take testimonies
Investigate
Present evidence

Testimonies[edit | edit source]

Ushiromiya Battler
Did you have any idea something like this was going on?
Tohno Shiki
No, not a clue. It's as new and shocking to me as it is to you.
Ushiromiya Battler
Have you noticed anything weird lately?
Tohno Shiki
Other than Shirou walking around like he just murdered someone, not really. Can't imagine that has anything to do with this though. Though come to think of it... There was something weird in the trash in the locker room. Didn't bother to check what it was, but what caught my eye is that it was covered in that red dye. Don't really see how that's relevant either though...
Ushiromiya Battler
Well, you never know. Thanks.
Tohno Shiki
Good luck.
Emiya Shirou
I haven't seen Artie this livid since... Well, come to think of it, he goes ballistic at the drop of a hat.
Ushiromiya Battler
All that red...
Emiya Shirou
It's not blood if that's what you're askin'. I think I explained it to Shiki earlier, it was a red food coloring for a display cake. Got knocked down and we had to clean it up.
Ushiromiya Battler
Could you explain it again, just to refresh my memory?
Emiya Shirou
Huh? You thinkin' that damned cake has something to do with all this defrauding hullabaloo? Well, no harm in it I suppose. Artie and I made this big stupid cake to be used as part of a display out front. It was just for display, so we used this industrial strength red dye that stains like a... Well it stains real bad. We had it all set up and everything, then someone went and knocked it down. The bartender, Yukari and I spent the better part of the afternoon cleanin' the mess up. Artie helped a little bit too I guess. Spent about two whole hours cleanin'. We'd just finished right when you and Shiki showed up. We had spare aprons, so none of our clothes got ruined. Got the stuff all over our hands though, and it's not wont to come off any time soon. We used bleach to get the stuff off the floor.
Emiya Shirou
I reckon rubbing alcohol might do the trick of getting it off our hands, but I haven't had time to test that theory.
Ushiromiya Battler
I see. Any thoughts on the theft?
Emiya Shirou
Not a clue. I just stick to the back and what I'm good at, cooking. Anything involving computers or customers is a no-go for me.
Ushiromiya Battler
All right. Thank you.
Matou Shinji
This is preposterous! I don't care what all you peons entertain yourselves with, but I'm obviously innocent, so I should be allowed to leave! This is a complete waste of my time!
Ushiromiya Battler
Hold on. Weren't you bragging earlier about your family? The Matou, right? I'm not an expert on these kinds of things, but that's a crime family, isn't it? I mean, you admitted to as much. 'Feared across Japan and even in Coolsville' or something, right?
Matou Shinji
That's... What are you saying?!
Ushiromiya Battler
Well, this whole scheme sounds like something a yakuza would come up with, doesn't it?
Matou Shinji
I-I'm not a yakuza! You can't just fling out wild accusations based on nothing but my surname! That's... What is it called?! Profiling, right, that's profiling! You don't have any evidence to implicate me!
Ushiromiya Battler
Maybe not. But as things stand, you're certainly one of the most suspicious.
Matou Shinji
Hey! Use all three of your brain cells for just a second! If I really wanted to fleece the old hags that come here, do you really think I'd need to concoct some harebrained plot like this to do it!? I'm number one, remember? Number 1! I'm robbing them hand-over-fist as is, both here and on the side!
Ushiromiya Battler
Hmm... That's actually a fair point. Sometimes the most obviously guilty is the most innocent. Still, I don't think that's enough to exonerate you. Maybe you don't need the money personally, but are doing something like this to get back into the good graces of the Matou family.
Matou Shinji
Huh?! Just what are you suggesting? Wh-Why would I need to get back into the good graces of MY family?
Ushiromiya Battler
I can't pretend to know your exact circumstances. But from our conversations today, I can gather that you're not on good terms with them. Maybe you were disgraced, disowned, exiled, something along those lines. After all, why would a direct member of a powerful yakuza family be working as a host, yet still be bragging about being part of the family? And what you said just a minute ago was the most telling: 'I'm not a yakuza.' Whatever the case, however you may see yourself, it's clear that the Matou don't really give a damn about you. You may very well be doing this in an attempt to impress them.
Matou Shinji
Tch. Th-That's...!
Ushiromiya Battler
But I guess that's all just speculation for now. Where were you earlier today?
Matou Shinji
Hmph. Unlike you and Tohno, I have better things to do with my time than play grabass with a bunch of sweaty half-naked men! I was out on a date with one of my customers!
Ushiromiya Battler
I guess we could verify that if it came down to it. But you were here before Shiki and I got here. How long had you been here?
Matou Shinji
I don't know! An hour or two before opening, I guess. I wasn't keeping track of time.
Ushiromiya Battler
I guess that's about as much as I'm gonna get out of you.
Matou Shinji
You're damn right! Go pester someone else!
Ushiromiya Battler
Hey, uh, look, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I don't really care about mending fences with Shinji, seeing as how he's a dude, but it's gonna tear me apart knowing that a pretty girl like you just hates my guts for no reason.
Takeba Yukari
Ugh. If you're looking for a beard, why don't you try growing a pair and then look in the mirror?
Ushiromiya Battler
You know, I thought I was used to these kinds of insults, but it stings a lot more when it's coming from a cute girl.
Takeba Yukari
Look, I don't really have anything against you. You just caught me at a bad time is all.
Ushiromiya Battler
Oh, right. That thing with the cake. I remember Shiki warning me that you'd probably be pissed because of that.
Takeba Yukari
Well, yeah, I mean that's part of it, sure. But... Let's just say my hands aren't the only thing stained red, okay?
Ushiromiya Battler
Huh? Did you stain your clothes or something? I thought I remembered Emiya saying something about having enough aprons so that no one's clothes got stained.
Takeba Yukari
What? No! Ugh, are you retarded or something? If you make me say it out loud, I'm gonna fucking scream.
Ushiromiya Battler
Then... Did it get in your hair?
Takeba Yukari
I'M ON MY FUCKING PERIOD, OKAY?!
Ushiromiya Battler
O-Oh. I see. That's what you meant. Right, that... That would explain some things.
Takeba Yukari
Fucking retard. Now you don't have a right to complain about getting bullied without cause.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah. I guess now I deserve it, haha. A-Anyway... So you work as the receptionist, right?
Takeba Yukari
Yes.
Ushiromiya Battler
So that means you're one of the people who regularly use the computer.
Takeba Yukari
Are you implying something?
Ushiromiya Battler
N-No. I just mean you've probably got information about that kind of stuff.
Takeba Yukari
Well first of all, it's 'computers'. There's two that get used for card transactions, one out front where I work and one behind the bar. Other than that, I don't have any special 'information'.
Ushiromiya Battler
You walk the front reception, so if anyone tried to use it, you'd have a good idea wouldn't you?
Takeba Yukari
Uh, no? It's not like I'm standing there 24/7.
Ushiromiya Battler
Isn't that your job?
Takeba Yukari
Yeah, so?
Ushiromiya Battler
Well what are you doing when you're not where you're supposed to be?
Takeba Yukari
I don't know? Outside talking on the phone? Using the bathroom? I don't keep track of that shit.
Ushiromiya Battler
Right. I don't know a ton about periods, but I guess if you're dealing with that you'd have a reason to be going to the bathroom a lot.
Takeba Yukari
Say that out loud again and you'll be the one bleeding from your crotch.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, y-yeah. I'll just move along then. Thanks for your time.
The Bartender
Heh. I bet this isn't how you were expecting your first day on the job to go.
Ushiromiya Battler
Honestly, after what happened earlier, this is therapeutic. I actually really enjoy this kind of thing!
The Bartender
Earlier...? You mean your customer? Did something happen? It looked like the two of you really hit it off.
Ushiromiya Battler
I'd... rather not think about it.
The Bartender
Well, if you say so.
Ushiromiya Battler
By the way, it feels like we never got properly introduced. Everyone's just been calling you 'Bartender' or something along those lines.
The Bartender
Names are for friends, kid. You can call me 'Bartender', 'Barkeep' or 'Mama' just like everyone else. I don't think my name has anything to do with your investigation.
Ushiromiya Battler
Well, you never know.
The Bartender
Sorry, kid. No dice.
Ushiromiya Battler
All right then. From your name, I think it's a safe assumption that you're in charge of the bar.
The Bartender
Wow. You really are a detective.
Ushiromiya Battler
...but it's clear that your responsibilities don't stop and end there. So what exactly do you do here?
The Bartender
Heh. You mean what don't I do? Artie's not really good at anything besides cooking, and it's not like that matters in a club like this. Most of the business end of things winds up falling on my shoulders.
Ushiromiya Battler
Hmm. Could you explain every employee's role here to me?
The Bartender
Sure, if you think that will help. Let's see... Emiya's job is in the kitchen, but he also takes care of most of the cleaning and a ton of other stuff. Odd jobs and fixing things. Sometimes he'll have already taken care of something before anyone even realizes it needs to be fixed. Don't think we've ever had to call in a repairman or electrician or anything like that with him around. Yukari works out front as the receptionist. She's great. Real polite and cordial.
Ushiromiya Battler
R-Really?
The Bartender
Yeah. To the customers. She doesn't take any shit though, so she's great at dealing with any kind of drama. Customers that get too attached to the guys, angry husbands, jealous little sisters and what not.
Ushiromiya Battler
(I'm really glad Ange is too young to have any idea what a host club is. I hope Aunt Rosa never says anything.)
The Bartender
She'll sometimes help Artie or I bring out drink and food to our customers. And lately I've been teaching her some of the book keeping and accounting stuff, to help take some of the load off my shoulders. Oh, and of course, she'll process some of the payments. Tohno and Matou, along with you obviously, are our hosts. We've got a couple more, but they've been on vacation. Obviously their jobs are to interact with and entertain the customers. When we're closing up or when things or slow I'll have them help out Emiya with the cleaning or whatever odd jobs. Tohno's always pretty amenable, but Matou always throws a hissyfit about it. He's all bark and no bite though. You just gotta whip him a bit, and he'll fall in line.
Ushiromiya Battler
(I can't tell if she means that literally or not.)
The Bartender
Artie's the owner, and what that means is that he's a layabout. He used to try to chat up the customers, but I got him to quit since it was running them off. Most of them are here to escape middle-aged men after all, not get hit on by one. So now just about all he ever wants to do is cook in the kitchen with Emiya. And then there's me. On paper, I run the bar, but in practice I essentially run the club. Well I've got nothing to do with the kitchen I guess, but aside from that. I'm generally the one that scouts and interviews talent, though I guess Tohno helped me out with you today. Sometimes Artie will pretend to be involved with that, but he's got no idea what a woman wants to see in a guy.
Ushiromiya Battler
I see. I guess that's everyone then?
The Bartender
Unless someone even I don't know about suddenly crawls out of one of the vents, then yeah, that's everybody.
Ushiromiya Battler
You mentioned you were more or less in charge of the business end of things. Wouldn't you be the first to notice any kind of discrepancy in the profits?
The Bartender
I'm in charge of the business end of things, but only on a day-to-day basis. Things like budget and net-profit is something only Artie's gonna be privy too. Believe me, this Club wouldn't be in the state it's in if I had complete control.
Ushiromiya Battler
All right. Thanks for explaining all that to me.
The Bartender
Yeah, sure thing kid.
Artie Bucco
This is an outrage! Someone stealing from me? From me! This shit woulda never happened a few years ago, and now these cocksuckin' pricks think that just because Tony Soprano ain't around they can just walk all over me!? Tell ya what kid, you figure this shit out and catch this cocksuckin' money-grubbin' thief and I-I'll give you a bonus! I'll give a raise!
Ushiromiya Battler
Are you really gonna be able to afford that? I mean, even if I find out who's behind this, there's no guarantee you're gonna get your money back.
Artie Bucco
Wh- That's... FUCK!
Ushiromiya Battler
And what if you're the one who's behind it?
Artie Bucco
Wh-What!? Don't tell me you're buyin' that bullshit that fuckin' dick was sellin'!
Ushiromiya Battler
Well, it's a pretty good point. You're probably one of the more likely suspects right now.
Artie Bucco
I take you in off the streets, I give you a job and this is how you repay me!? You know that cop's just getting' you to do his job for him!
Ushiromiya Battler
Hey, relax. I'm not accusing anyone of anything yet, I'm just trying to get information.
Artie Bucco
Fine. Fine! Whaddya wanna know then?
Ushiromiya Battler
You're the owner. Wouldn't you have noticed some kind of financial discrepancy like someone skimming off 50%% of your profits?
Artie Bucco
N-No! Look, I don't deal with any of that shit, I just let Julianne handle it!
Ushiromiya Battler
Julianne?
Artie Bucco
All I ever wanted, was to run a restaurant all right? But when the Soprano Family left town, so did all my business! No one was gonna come eat at a place that had a reputation for being a hangout for mobsters! So we reopened as a host club, except I don't know the first fuckin' thing about runnin' a fuckin' host club!
Ushiromiya Battler
Okay then. I heard there was some kind of incident earlier, with a cake.
Artie Bucco
Yeah. Me and the kid, Shirou, we went and made a cake, you know a display kinda thing. We used a real strong red coloring, since it's not like anyone was gonna be eating it. Figured it'd help it keep better, ya know? We get it all setup, it looks incredible. Then, within mere minutes, some cocksucker goes and knocks the whole thing over. Took us two goddamned hours to clean the mess up.
Ushiromiya Battler
All right. Thanks, that should be enough.

Investigate

Investigation[edit | edit source]

Locker Room
Ushiromiya Battler
Here's the locker room. In theory, me, Shiki and Matou should be the only three coming in here, but I guess Artie, Emiya and even the Bartender might come in here some times. Artie and the Bartender both came in here earlier. Yukari's probably the only one that never comes in here. Now, what should I look at...

Ushiromiya Battler
Huh?! These are-! The Google Play cards! What are they doing here? The envelopes have been torn open, and there's red stains all over both the envelopes and the cards themselves. It must be that dye from the cake I've heard so much about. Hm... This is definitely an important find.
Ushiromiya Battler
These are everyone's lockers. I didn't need to change, so they didn't bother giving me one yet. It'd be helpful if I could look inside, but I guess I can't do that without probable cause. Huh? What's that? One of the lockers has that red dye on it. 'Matou Shinji'. Well that's definitely suspicious. Wait a minute, was he even involved with that whole incident?
Ushiromiya Battler
Oh look, a cat. Wait a minute, what the heck is it doing in here?

Leave
Ushiromiya Battler
All right, I think I've seen enough here.

Bar
Ushiromiya Battler
Here's the bar. I'd expect this to be the Bartender's domain, but I guess there's probably a lot of traffic. Now, what should I look at...

Ushiromiya Battler
There's nothing there. Hm? Wait a second. This is the plastic seal to one of the bottles. Some brand of moonshine.
Ushiromiya Battler
Seems pretty standard fare to me, but I'm not old enough to drink (legally), so it's not like I'm an expert. Most of these are pretty full. What I gathered from today is that the way these kinds of clubs operate is selling drinks by the bottle. There were a few mixed drinks on the menu, but they were pretty overpriced. Most of the menu was different types of wine, sold by the bottle. If a customer doesn't finish their bottle in a single session, I'd assume the club will keep it for them. But those probably wouldn't be kept out here on the shelf. Huh? This one's only half full. That's weird.
Moonshine, 150 proof. Uhh... Doesn't that mean this is like 75%% alcohol? There's no way that's getting used for the mixed drinks, right? Who the hell is drinking this? I can't imagine an older woman drinking something like this. Maybe someone like Aunt Eva... Ahh! After today I shouldn't even imagine that, it might come to pass! Well, this is definitely strange. I don't see how it'd be involved with anything, but I should keep it in the back of my mind. Maybe I'll be able to make sense of it later.
Ushiromiya Battler
Here's one of the computers. Maybe this is where the Google Play cards were redeemed. Nothing looks too out of the ordinary. Huh? What's this? A list of the drinks that were ordered today... Chardonnay, champagne, pinot noir. As expected, it's all wine.
Ushiromiya Battler
Hey, look, a cat. ...What's a cat doing in the bar?

Leave
Ushiromiya Battler
Okay, I've seen enough here.

Reception
Ushiromiya Battler
This is the reception area. Yukari greets the customers here, and I guess some of them pay up front here or when they leave. This is where that demonic display cake was supposed to be, but I don't see any evidence of the disaster that took place. They must have done a real good job cleaning things up. Now, what should I look at...

Ushiromiya Battler
Just a few tissues and wrappers, nothing out of the ordinary. You'd expect more after hearing about that cake debacle. I guess the trash got taken out sometime after.
Ushiromiya Battler
Here's the computer for the front reception. Probably used to manage reservations and things like that, but some of the payments probably get processed here. Huh? Wait a minute, the keyboard... A keyboard covered with red stains... It's like something straight out of a yakuza movie. This seems pretty important.
Ushiromiya Battler
Oh, a cat. It must have snuck in through the front door.

Leave
Ushiromiya Battler
All right, think I've seen everything I'm gonna see here.

The Dumpster
Ushiromiya Battler
The dumpster out back... This is where all the club's trash winds up. Not sure I'll find much out here, but it can't hurt to look.

Ushiromiya Battler
So this must be the infamous cake I've heard so much about. Or what's left of it at least. A bunch of stained mop heads too. All that red makes it look like a body was dumped back here. I don't see anything else of note.
Ushiromiya Battler
(There's a woman just standing out here. Is she one of the customers or something?)
Excuse me, miss. Uh, would you happen to be one of the club's customers?
Trish
Oh no, not me.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, then would you mind if I asked what you're doing out here?
Trish
Oh, I live here.
Ushiromiya Battler
Here? As in, this trash?
Trish
That's right. I'm a trash demon. A demon who lives in trash.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uhhh... Okay...
(I'd better just ignore that for the sake of my sanity. Maybe I can ask her something?)
Uh, well, if you live here... Then would you happen to know when the club typically brings out its trash?
Trish
Oh of course. They always bring it out right before they open for the night and right after they close.
Ushiromiya Battler
I see... And was there anything unusual about today?
Trish
No, the orange-haired kid brought it out right before the club opened, same as usual.
Ushiromiya Battler
(Shiki and I must have run into Emiya right after he had dumped the trash when we got here.)
Trish
Oh, well there was this delicious cake this time.
Ushiromiya Battler
R-Right.
(Wonder if I should tell her about the industrial strength coloring.)
Ushiromiya Battler
Oh look, it's a cat. Wait... is that a cat?
Neko-Arc
Hey there, cherry boy~. Looking is free, but anything else and you gotta pony up~.
Ushiromiya Battler
(I didn't see that. I didn't hear that. Just walk away, and pretend nothing happened.)

Leave
Ushiromiya Battler
I've seen everything I need to here. And maybe some things I didn't need to see.

Present evidence
Togusa
Hey kid. You done investigating yet?

I've seen enough

Evidence Present[edit | edit source]

Ushiromiya Battler
I think I've turned up everything I'm going to.
Togusa
Oh? Are you ready to draw up your conclusion?
Ushiromiya Battler
Not just yet. There's one last thing I want to check. Something I need to examine for each person here. I need to look at everyone's...

FEET!
Hands

Togusa
Not bad, kid. Seems like you're on the right track.

Ushiromiya Battler
(Bony, with long fingers. Not the manliest hands I've ever seen, but they're definitely not dainty. Nothing on them. Makes sense, he was with me when the cake incident went down.)
Ushiromiya Battler
(Callused and rough, caked with flour and grease. I guess he was in the middle of something when this meeting got called. You can see the red stains all over beneath that.)
Ushiromiya Battler
(Huh? He's wearing gloves? Has he always been wearing those?)
Hey, uh... What are you wearing gloves for?
Matou Shinji
Because I feel like it. Is that some kind of problem?
Ushiromiya Battler
No, but it is a little odd.
Matou Shinji
What's odd? I'm a host. They're fashionable. I look good in them! I guess I shouldn't expect a philistine like you to understand.
Ushiromiya Battler
All right, well... Have you been wearing those all day?
Matou Shinji
What the hell kind of question is that?!
Tohno Shiki
He was wearing them the first time I saw him today.
Matou Shinji
See? Is that good enough for you?
Ushiromiya Battler
I guess. Would you mind taking them off for a second?
Matou Shinji
Wh-What!? What the hell kind of request is that? What are you, some kind of hand fetishist?
Ushiromiya Battler
No not really. And even if I was, I wouldn't be interested in ogling a man's hands.
Matou Shinji
Hmph. Get lost!
Ushiromiya Battler
(Neither too bony nor too pudgy; elegant, graceful and perfectly balanced. The fingers are long and slender, but not too much so. You can tell how soft the skin is just by looking at it; there's nary a hint of callusing or dry skin. The only thing marring this exquisite, immaculate beauty are the stained blotches of red food coloring.)
Takeba Yukari
...Hey. What the hell are you staring at?
Ushiromiya Battler
Oh, uh... Nothing!
Ushiromiya Battler
(A slight chubbiness, what you'd expect from a girl's hands. Dainty and feminine. They're a good deal cuter than you'd expect from her demeanor. Nothing mind blowing though. They're perfectly clean. Guess you'd expect that from a bartender.)
Ushiromiya Battler
(Nothing stands out, kind of like the rest of Artie. There's some scattered red stains, but if you didn't look for them, you wouldn't see them. I guess he only helped clean a little, so they're only a little stained. There's an indentation where a wedding band would normally be. Kind of weird, but I don't think it has anything to do with this.)
Ushiromiya Battler
(Not the most rugged I've ever seen, but these are definitely a man's hands. Firm and powerful, with a decent amount of callusing. You can tell he doesn't spend all day sitting behind a desk. ...Wait a minute. Why the hell am I looking at a man's hands when it has nothing to do with the investigation?)
Ushiromiya Battler
(...Why the hell am I looking at my hands?)

Stop looking at hands
Ushiromiya Battler
Okay, I think I've seen enough.
Togusa
Are you ready to present your conclusion?

Yes
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah, I think I'm ready.
Togusa
The floor is yours, kid.

Ushiromiya Battler
Right. I guess first I'll start by presenting the evidence I found.
(All right. Now what would my most crucial piece of evidence be? I'd better think carefully from now on. I don't think I'll get a second chance at this.)

Trash Woman's Testimony
Google Play Cards
Yukari's Hands
Cat

Ushiromiya Battler
I found these in the trash in the men's locker room.
Artie Bucco
Those are... The Google Play Cards!
Emiya Shirou
And they got the red coloring stains all over 'em. Damn, guess that means it really is one of us...
Tohno Shiki
Hey were you hoping it'd be me or something?
Emiya Shirou
Nah, it's not that. I was hoping it wouldn't be any of us. I don't really like the idea that one of us has been stealing from the club.
Takeba Yukari
Hey, but you know what this means, right? Tohno and me are officially innocent! Tohno got here after that cake was all cleaned up, and I NEVER go in that smelly boy's locker room! So I think that means we're safe!
Tohno Shiki
How do you know it smells if you never go in there?
Takeba Yukari
Uh, because the stench cascades out the damn door every time it opens. I just pointed out your innocence you four-eyed dipshit, is that how you show your gratitude?
Ushiromiya Battler
I don't mean to interrupt the banter, but I actually don't think that's enough to completely exonerate either of you.
Takeba Yukari
H-Huh!?
Ushiromiya Battler
I mean, it's definitely a strong argument in each of your respective favors. But as things stand so far, I can think of some scenarios that would still allow for either of you to be the culprit. Shiki could have taken the Google Play cards out to the dumpster, then smeared the icing on them there. Yukari's a lot simpler, she just could have had an accomplice dump them in the locker room for her.
Takeba Yukari
That's ridiculous. Wouldn't the accomplice have ratted me out by now?
Ushiromiya Battler
Not necessarily. If they admitted that much, they'd be worried about casting suspicion on themselves.
The Bartender
All right, we get it. So in all likelihood it was someone who was here before the cake had been cleaned up and thrown away. And in all likelihood, it's someone who's been in the men's locker room today. What's next, Battler?
Ushiromiya Battler
(Okay, so far so good. I think I've got one more good piece of general evidence to present before I go and accuse anybody. I'd better think carefully. I don't think I'll get a second chance at this.)

Stained Keyboard in Reception
My hands
List of drinks bought today
Trash can in reception

Ushiromiya Battler
Look at this. It's the keyboard from the computer at the front reception desk.
Artie Bucco
Woah, hey! That's dangerous! Careful with that thing!
Ushiromiya Battler
It is, isn't it? And look, it's even caked in 'blood'.
The Bartender
And? What exactly does that prove?
Emiya Shirou
Yeah, I'm not sure I get it either. Isn't it like that because Yukari here was using it?
Takeba Yukari
No. I cleaned my hands and dried them before I used it. I noticed that shit on there after we were done cleaning. It had dried up, so I just wiped it off with some tissues.
Tohno Shiki
And you just now decided to share that?
Takeba Yukari
Why would I have brought it up? It probably just landed there somehow when the cake fell or something.
The Bartender
I think I already know what you're going to suggest, Battler. You think that because the cards were stained, they must have been redeemed on the computer with the stained keyboard. But that's a leap of logic, isn't it? Just because the person got the cards stained doesn't mean the keyboard would necessarily also be stained. They could have touched the cards on accident, staining them, and then used the computer to redeem them later.
Ushiromiya Battler
Heh. That's pretty logical. But you're making a critical mistake. You're only entertaining the 'how' and ignoring the 'why'. First, I think the scenario Yukari suggested is pretty infeasible. Even if the absurd happened and some of the icing landed all the way on the keyboard, you guys were insanely thorough. You wouldn't have missed a spot. Yet that keyboard was the only evidence in that room that the cake catastrophe had even happened. Second, why would someone decide to use the computer even with that wet frosting on their hands in the first place? Wouldn't you want to wash your hands first, like Yukari did?
Takeba Yukari
Hold on a second. There's no way we wouldn't have noticed if someone had........
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, were you about to say something?
Takeba Yukari
It's uh... A cramp! A really bad one! Owowow...
Ushiromiya Battler
O-Oh...
Takeba Yukari
...A leg one!
Ushiromiya Battler
R-Right... Anyway.
Ushiromiya Battler
(I didn't get to make all the points I wanted to there, but whatever. I'll get the chance to bring them back up eventually, I'm sure. I think it's time to point out the culprit. I've got a pretty good idea-)
Takeba Yukari
Sorry to steal your thunder, cumbreath, but I'm sick of you beating off around the bush. I'm just gonna come out and say it. It's Shinji.
Matou Shinji
Wh-What!? You have no proof!
Takeba Yukari
While Sherlock Homo was out prancing around, we had nothing to do but stare at the walls or each other. And I'm afraid your gay little accessory sticks out like a sore thumb. Nice gloves, faggot!
Matou Shinji
H-Hey! Let go of me!
Emiya Shirou
Well, would you look at that. He's all red-handed.
Tohno Shiki
Can't say I'm surprised.
Artie Bucco
You... YOU LITTLE PRICK! I TOOK YOU IN, EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE OF THEM! LIL FUCKIN'... COCKSUCKER!
Matou Shinji
It-It wasn't me! That bitch Yukari is setting me up! She must be the one who did it!
Togusa
Well kid, looks like some new evidence has presented itself. Hate to put you on the spot like this, but you've gotta make a decision here before things spiral out of control.
Ushiromiya Battler
(Yukari has accused Shinji of being the culprit. Is he innocent? Or is he really guilty?)

Shinji is guilty.
Shinji is innocent.

Ushiromiya Battler
Hold up. Shinji is innocent.
Takeba Yukari
Are you fucking kidding? He's obviously guilty! Look at his hands!
Ushiromiya Battler
I already knew about his hands. The gloves were obviously suspicious, but the stains on his locker really spelled it out.
Takeba Yukari
So if you figured it out from the start, why waste all our time, genius?
Ushiromiya Battler
Because, like I said, he's innocent. Well, maybe I shouldn't say 'innocent'. But he's not guilty of what he's being accused of right now.
(That's right, everyone has forgotten that there are actually two culprits. Two culprits, for two separate crimes. You can't blame them for forgetting about something so petty when there's real money being stolen. I've only got one chance, so I better get this right. Now, what's the crime that Shinji is actually guilty of...)

Cake in the Dumpster
Funny Meme Cat
Half Empty Moonshine
Trash Woman

Ushiromiya Battler
What he is guilty of is knocking over the display cake. I don't know how he managed it, but I'm guessing it wasn't just his hands that got stained, it probably got all over his clothes too. So the first thing he did was rush to the locker room to get rid of the stained clothes. He took his stained clothes off and shoved them into his locker, getting some of the dye on the locker in the process. Then he tried to scrub his hands clean to no avail. Seeing no other way to conceal his stained hands, he donned a pair of gloves, hoping he could pass it off as a fashion choice.
Takeba Yukari
Wait a minute. So he's the one who ruined the cake and got this shitty red dye all over my hands. So what? How's that change anything? In fact, doesn't that make MY argument even stronger? Maybe he's not just a bumbling idiot, maybe he actually did it on purpose! He got the shitty icing on the cards, but then he put on a pair of gloves, and while everyone was distracted he redeemed the cards on the computer in the bar!
Ushiromiya Battler
The only function of the gloves is to hide the fact that his skin is stained. At that point, he could have washed his hands. And there's two important points I didn't get to explain earlier, that prove it can't be Shinji.
The first point is about the Google Play cards. They're basically composed of two parts. The plastic card itself, and the cardboard envelope surrounding it. But look at the stains. They're everywhere. On the inside and outside of the envelope, and all over the card. If this had only been handled with icing covered hands before it was opened, the inside of the envelope and most of the card should be spotless. The way these stains are, it's obvious that it was opened by someone whose hands were covered with the icing.
I can't imagine a reason someone would have to open the envelope ahead of time, but still keep it around. They'd throw it away at the first opportunity. From the fact that the envelopes and cards were together, we can assume that the envelopes were being opened up as the cards were being redeemed. And since this person had icing on their hand at the time they were opening the envelopes, naturally they'd be getting icing on the keyboard as well.
That means the only keyboard that could have been used to redeem the cards was the stained one at the reception desk. Which brings me to my other point... There were three of you cleaning up the cake. Emiya, Yukari and the Bartender. ...Did any of you see Shinji come into the room? In order to be the culprit, Shinji must fulfill two conditions: having wet icing on his hands, and using the computer in the reception with said hands. I suppose it's possible he could have done all this before anyone stumbled upon the scene, but I find it highly unlikely he'd stick around literally red-handed. No, Shinji clearly must have fled the scene as quickly as possible, fearing getting yelled at over the cake and completely ignorant of the greater goings-on. He'd take refuge in the locker room where he'd sequester himself until the night began and the cake was mostly forgotten about.
Matou Shinji
Hey. I appreciate you exonerating me and all, but do you have to make me sound so pathetic?
Artie Bucco
Zip it you little prick. You may be off the hook for this defrauding Google Play bullshit, but I'm not gonna forget that your scrawny ass owes me a goddamn cake!
Ushiromiya Battler
Whoever the real culprit is had to have redeemed the cards in plain sight, right in front of the rest of you. I'm sure even if you were focused on cleaning, you'd notice if someone started using the computer. So, tell me, those of you that were cleaning... Did you see anyone using the computer during that time frame?
The Bartender
...
Emiya Shirou
Hrm...
Takeba Yukari
Tch...

Ushiromiya Battler
(I think now's the time. It goes without saying that I only have one chance here. Just as Shinji's hands are stained, so too are the true culprit's. Stained with guilt. And hands stained by guilt must needs be cleansed. The true culprit is...)


Ushiromiya Battler
The true culprit... Is the bartender.
The Bartender
...
Takeba Yukari
Wait just a second! You just glossed over that Shinji shit! You can't just wave it off because you think it's unlikely! That doesn't mean it's impossible! It's plenty possible! You haven't proven anything!
Ushiromiya Battler
The burden of proof is on you to prove that it happened.
Takeba Yukari
That's... I don't have to explain anything!
Ushiromiya Battler
Did you see any icing on the keyboard when you started cleaning? I'm sure you guys must have looked over the entire room pretty thoroughly to make sure you didn't miss anything.
Takeba Yukari
That's...!
Ushiromiya Battler
You yourself already said the first time you saw the icing and stains on the keyboard was when the club was about to open.
Takeba Yukari
ARGGGHHH!!! DAMMIT!!!
The Bartender
Take it easy, Yukari. I appreciate you sticking up for me, but I'm pretty sure I can take it from here. Okay then, Battler. I assume you're not accusing me of being this thief without some kind of evidence, right?
Ushiromiya Battler
(There's something that's totally at odds with everything else in this case. Something completely incongruous with everyone's testimony. Something that is quite clearly not as it should be. If there's one piece of evidence that points to the Bartender being the culprit behind this theft, it's...)

Trash can in the reception
Shinji's testimony
Cat in the bar
Bartender's hands
List of drinks bought today
Bartender's sunglasses
Cake in the dumpster

Ushiromiya Battler
...Your hands. They're completely spotless.
The Bartender
And? What's that got to do with anything?
Ushiromiya Battler
You were one of the three who cleaned up the cake, along with Yukari and Emiya. Your hands should be just as stained as theirs. But they're perfectly clean.
The Bartender
Are you really faulting me for being the only one to wash my hands? I'm a bartender you know. I can't be serving drinks with dirtied hands. I'd never hear the end of it from the chatty Cathys and Karens that frequent this place.
Ushiromiya Battler
That's definitely not the case. Maybe Yukari wouldn't wash her hands...
Takeba Yukari
Excuse me!?
Ushiromiya Battler
...but Emiya has been in the kitchen washing his hands, cleaning food and doing the dishes all night. And yet his hands are still covered in those stains.
Emiya Shirou
Yeah, he's right. If soap and water were enough to get this off, my hands'd be clean as a whistle.
The Bartender
Who said I only used soap and water? Maybe I found something else that was able to get it off.
Ushiromiya Battler
I'm sure you did. But the real question is why you didn't tell Emiya and Yukari.
Takeba Yukari
Hey, wait a minute. If having clean hands is what you think makes the Bartender suspicious, then why aren't we talking about Artie?
Artie Bucco
Yeah! I mean, hold on! What!?
Takeba Yukari
His hands are more or less clean too, so if that's your only criteria, he's gotta be just as suspicious!
Artie Bucco
Hey, wait! My hands aren't clean! Look, I've got some spots! I've got some stains! Why are those there if I washed 'em, huh?!
Emiya Shirou
Artie... I don't think you should be so loud about not washin' your hands.
Takeba Yukari
That's easy, it's because everything you do is half-assed! And Artie could have totally used the computer out front while we were cleaning up the cake! And this doesn't even make any sense! A minute ago, you were going on about how the culprit's hands had icing on them when they redeemed the cards. Now suddenly they have to be clean? You can't even keep your arguments straight!
Ushiromiya Battler
(There are two things I should probably address here.)
(First, regarding Artie. There's a reason his hands are almost spotless. That's because...)

He washed his hands
He's lazy
He wore gloves
He's the actual culprit
He ate the icing
List of drinks bought today

Ushiromiya Battler
I only met him a few hours ago... So this isn't an assessment I'm making personally. Yukari, you said it yourself just a moment ago. Everything he does is 'half-assed'. After talking to everyone, you all seem to agree on one thing when it comes to Artie. When it comes to everything apart from cooking... he's lazy.
Artie Bucco
Yeah, that's right! I'm fuckin' lazy! I mean, wait a minute, who the hell do you think you are, sayin' that about me!? Shit I, uh... I'm not sure if it's better to agree or disagree here! All right, so maybe I'm lazy, but I'm not no fuckin' thief!
Ushiromiya Battler
The reason for Artie's hands being more or less spotless is because he barely helped clean up the cake. But he did help out a little. And thus his hands are a little dirty.
(Now it's time for the final piece of evidence. The thing that shows that the culprit couldn't have been Artie, that it had to be the Bartender. The most damning piece of evidence of all...)

Trash can in the reception
Half-empty bottle of Moonshine
Yukari's testimony
Yukari's hands
Funny meme cat
Artie's hands
Bartender's hands
List of drinks bought today

Ushiromiya Battler
There's a half empty bottle of moonshine in the bar. It's 150 proof. That means it's 75%% alcohol.
Takeba Yukari
Everyone here already knows what 'proof' means you retard.
Ushiromiya Battler
I'm not an expert on alcohol, but I can't imagine moonshine is used in too many mixed drinks. And my understanding is that when a customer orders drinks by the bottle, they're not kept on display in the bar. They're kept in reserve somewhere else if they don't finish it in a single night. Not that I can imagine any of the customers here drinking straight moonshine. I also saw a list in the bar of all the drinks that were ordered tonight, and that moonshine was conspicuously absent. Which doesn't make sense, because I also found the plastic seal for the bottle in the trash. Someone had to have opened it today, after Emiya took out the trash right before the club opened. Now, why would they have gone and done that? Was someone drinking on the job?
Takeba Yukari
Wouldn't put it past Artie.
Ushiromiya Battler
Emiya's been saying it since before I walked in the front door: that rubbing alcohol might be able to get rid of the stains on everyone's hands. I've heard him say it multiple times, so doubtless everyone else here has heard him say as much too. Someone obviously decided to test that theory. Most rubbing alcohol contains 70%% alcohol, so this moonshine actually has a higher alcohol content. Of course, most rubbing alcohol is actually isopropyl alcohol, which isn't the same as the ethanol found in alcoholic drinks, however for our purposes...
Takeba Yukari
Ugh! We don't need the high school chem lesson you fucking nerd!
Tohno Shiki
I think we get the gist of things. Someone used the moonshine, which is pretty close to rubbing alcohol, to get rid of the stains on their hands, like Shirou's been saying.
Emiya Shirou
Well it's good to know this stuff will come off easy... But I don't like the implications of all this.
Takeba Yukari
What does this even imply though? So what, maybe the bartender opened it up and used it to wash her hands. It's not like anyone was drinking that shit, except maybe, you know, Artie! Like I said, I wouldn't put it past him!
Artie Bucco
Hey, I resent that! Sure sometimes I might drink a little here or there at work, but I'm not so far gone I'm drinking, you know, moonshine! I'm not a goddamn hillbilly!
Ushiromiya Battler
That's actually a conveniently timed inappropriate outburst. When you do drink on the job, what are you drinking?
Artie Bucco
I-I don't know! Whiskey, scotch... Why's it matter?
Ushiromiya Battler
Okay, let me rephrase the question. Where are you getting the drink from?
Artie Bucco
I, uh, that's...
Emiya Shirou
I'll just answer that. He used to sneak stuff from the bar, but the Bartender put a kibosh to that real quick. Started chargin' him for the entire bottle whenever so much as a drop went missin'. Needless to say he learned his lesson real quick. Now if he wants something from the bar he's gotta pay for it like any other customer. So he's taken to just bringin' a flask from home.
Ushiromiya Battler
I see. I figured the situation was something like that. I've only been here a single night, but my impression was that the Bartender wouldn't overlook any kind of shenanigans, especially when it came to the bar itself. It seems that impression was spot on. Which begs the question...
Ushiromiya Battler
How did half a bottle of moonshine disappear under your watch?
The Bartender
...
Ushiromiya Battler
You'd be the first asking questions if it wasn't you that used it. And even if it's a drink that you think no one is ever going to order, you're not the kind of person who would waste half a bottle on something so trivial as just getting some stains off your hands. Not without some kind of reason.
But that logic doesn't stop at the bar. Just like your responsibilities don't. Everyone seems to agree that you're the one who really runs the club. Even you said as much, before you backpedaled and claimed that you only handled the daily flow of money, while Artie was the one who handled the club's finances. But when I talked to Artie, he directly contradicted that. It was obvious that one of you was lying, but I couldn't say for sure who it was. Now... I have one last question. Yukari already answered it for me, but I just need to verify it for everyone else. Emiya, when you all were cleaning up the cake... Someone got up to use the computer, didn't they?
Emiya Shirou
...Yeah. Now that you mention it, something like that did happen. I didn't pay it any mind, because it was nothing unusual. Just doing her job, I assumed, same as ever. The Bartender said she needed to take care of some reservations or some such before the club opened, said she'd be right back to helping us finish clean after she took care of it.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yukari cut me off earlier and steered the discussion in a different direction when I was about to ask. I'm guessing that's when she remembered and figured things out. You've been trying to cover for the Bartender since then, haven't you, Yukari?
Takeba Yukari
...Tch. Don't talk to me.
Ushiromiya Battler
Now, I think it's obvious to everyone. The culprit of this defrauding scheme... is you, the Bartender.

Case End[edit | edit source]

The Bartender
Haa... All right, all right. You win. I give up. Not like I was ever gonna get out of this. Not with Mr. Detective sitting back there all smug, like the cat that ate the canary. Even if you didn't figure things out, he's obviously had this figured out since he walked in the door.
Matou Shinji
So you knew you were fucked from the start, but you stringed us all along on this wild goose chase anyway! I always knew you were a rotten, miserable excuse for a woman!
Tohno Shiki
For once, I actually agree with Shinji. Uh, the first part at least. Why didn't you just give yourself up if you knew you were screwed?
The Bartender
Maybe I was hoping that Battler would screw up so gloriously that even the detective would get thrown for a loop, and I'd somehow get off the hook. Or who knows? Guess I'd rather be slowly ruined by a younger guy than unceremoniously destroyed by an older one.
Togusa
H-Hey, think we can cool it with the weird innuendo? I'm happily married, you know.
Ushiromiya Battler
The only thing I don't understand is 'Why?' I mean, obviously I don't know why you were defrauding the club. But what I don't get is today. You were doing this for weeks, and no one had caught on to you. Suddenly today, you leave behind a bevy of evidence that implicates you. There was no reason for you to redeem the cards when you did, you could have just waited until you had the opportunity to wash and dry your hands, and you'd have gotten away with it.
The Bartender
No, probably not. The reason I acted the way I did today... If I had to guess, it's also the reason that detective has known it was me all along. There's one piece of evidence that you wouldn't have found, Battler. The customer who called the police to report the defrauding. She called the club first. Obviously it was me that spoke with her. I'm guessing when she called the police later, she would have mentioned that she called the club, and that she spoke to me.
Togusa
That's right. Of course, I didn't bring that little tidbit up when I got here. I couldn't be sure if you were working alone. You might have just been an accomplice, or you might have had accomplices yourself.
The Bartender
I was trying to convince that woman not to go to the police when the cake incident went down. ...You really have always been a pain in my ass, Shinji.
Matou Shinji
Hmph. The feeling's mutual.
The Bartender
I knew the cops would be coming, but I had no idea when. I panicked. I knew I was running out of time. It would have been smarter to just dump the cards and not bother redeeming them... But... But I couldn't just throw that money away. You see, the truth is...
The Bartender
...I ...I have a son. A lot of things happened, a long time ago, and... Let's just say I don't have the privilege of calling myself his mother anymore. I lost that right. Shinji's right about me. I'm a rotten, miserable excuse for a woman. The person taking care of my son now... is a man. A real man. Probably the only real man I've ever known. That man... He started an orphanage, and I thought... I thought even if I don't have a right to be a part of their lives any more... I could still support them, from afar. So I'd regularly donate what I could... anonymously, of course. But a couple of weeks ago, something terrible happened. Jackson, he... I saw it on the news. My son, he... He got in some trouble. And... And he needed my help more than ever, so I... I...
Togusa
I think we get the picture. You don't owe it to us to say anything more.
Emiya Shirou
Guess we don't know the specifics of the situation, but it sounds like you've been in a rough spot. You know, you could have just asked us for help, I'm sure we'd have all pitched in, even Shinji.
Matou Shinji
Huh?! Emiya, don't go putting wor-
Tohno Shiki
Yeah, what you're going through sounds awful. I can understand why you'd resort to stealing, but we could have helped. Our money problems are all insignificant compared to that.
Takeba Yukari
For once I actually agree with these bozos. We'd totally be able to help you out! We still can!
The Bartender
That's very kind of you all. Thank you. But I couldn't put that onus on any of you. I'm the one who has to live with my sins. Only I can shoulder my own burdens.
Ushiromiya Battler
Maybe... But that doesn't mean we can't lend you a shoulder every now and then. Nihihi, and maybe we won't leave it up to you. If you're too proud to lean, we'll just pick you up instead! Hey, Mr. Detective, since this a criminal case, you're gonna find out exactly where the Bartender here has been sending the funds from those Google Play cards, right?
Togusa
Heh. Normally that kind of information isn't made public. But I guess every now and then, something slips through the cracks.
The Bartender
You guys...
Togusa
I hate to say it after all that, but I'm gonna have to take you down to the station, Ms. Stingray. A crime's a crime. I can't see this club doing gangbusters, so if you were raking the profits, I'd guess it wasn't enough for you to do any real hard time.
Takeba Yukari
H-Hey! Did you not just hear all that? So what she was stealing, it was just from the club! And she had a good reason!
Togusa
Sorry kiddo. But rules are rules for a reason. Don't worry. We'll make sure the judge and prosecutor take all this into consideration.
The Bartender
Yukari... I'm sorry. Take care of this place, you hear? Keep the boys in line, don't let it go down the shitter.
Takeba Yukari
Y-Yeah. I'll do my best.
Togusa
Hey, kid. Battler, wasn't it?
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, yes sir.
Togusa
Great work today. Have you ever thought about joining the force?
Ushiromiya Battler
Huh? Me? A real detective? Like a police detective?
Togusa
Yeah. You wouldn't be a plain clothes detective right off the bat, and you wouldn't make near as much money as you do working as a host. Even working at a rinky-dink club like this one. But I think you should consider it. You've got a real talent for this.
Ushiromiya Battler
R-Really? You think so?
Togusa
Yeah. I didn't have everything figured out from the start, you know. Obviously I had more information to begin with, so I had a good idea. But you did the legwork and filled in the blanks for me. I'd even say you figured out some things I probably never would have.
Ushiromiya Battler
W-Wow. You mean it? Th-Thanks.
Togusa
No. Thank you. You made my job a whole lot easier. If you're ever down at HQ, kid, just ask for Togusa.
Ushiromiya Battler
Uh, yeah! I will!
Togusa
All right Ms. Stingray, let's get going.
The Bartender
Yeah...
Artie Bucco
You... You...! How could you do this to me? I took you in when no one else would! I- I loved you...!
The Bartender
You'd fall in love with anyone, Artie. So long as she had two legs and a hole between them that was fresher than your wife's. ...That's why it was so easy to steal from you.
Artie Bucco
You... YOU CUNT! YOU EVIL BITCH! YOU ROTTEN FUCKIN' WHORE! DON'T LET ME EVER SEE YOUR FACE AROUND HERE! AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYIN' SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN! WE'LL FIND OUT, WE ALWAYS DO! WE LEAD THE WORLD IN COMPUTERIZED DATA COLLECTION!
Togusa
All right, that's enough. Come on, let's go.
Takeba Yukari
...
Ushiromiya Battler
Yukari, I... I can tell you really looked up to her... I'm sorry...
Takeba Yukari
...Just shut the hell up. Don't talk to me.
Tohno Shiki
Battler! Hey man, that was amazing! That detective even put you over and everything.
Ushiromiya Battler
Nihihihi, I guess he did, huh? Still, I feel kind of bad. Today was my first day, and it's like I just ripped the heart out of this place.
Tohno Shiki
Hey, don't be so melodramatic. Yeah, everyone liked her. Even Shinji, though he'd never admit it. But what happened wasn't your fault. She would have faced the consequences of her actions one way or the other.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah, I know. I know. I just can't get over the fact that Yukari hated me for no reason, and now I've gone and given her an actual reason to hate me.
Tohno Shiki
Oh come on dude, really? I get that she's super hot, but... How can I say this? I'm gonna try to phrase this in the nicest way possible.
She's kind of a cunt.
Ushiromiya Battler
Yeah... she really is, isn't she...
Tohno Shiki
W-Wait a minute, don't tell me... You don't actually have a thing for girls like that, do you?
Ushiromiya Battler
Wait... That's right, isn't it? ...No?
Togusa
Can't fault you for trying kid. I'll take over from here.
The Bartender
Sorry, kid. Better luck next time.
Takeba Yukari
Hahaha, I just knew this would happen! Great going you fucking faggot!
Matou Shinji
Heh! Looks like the Ushiromiya aren't all they're cracked up to be! Guess not even a mountain of gold can't buy you a brain! Keheheh!
Artie Bucco
You piece of shit! I thought you said you could solve this!
Emiya Shirou
Well you did better than I could ever hope to. Just leave things to the professional, I'm sure he'll take it from here.
Tohno Shiki
Don't worry about it man. A lot of people embarrass themselves the first day at a new job. It's like a kind of humiliation ritual people get subjected to.
Ushiromiya Battler
(Dammit... I should have thought things through! I should have been better than this, compared to all the detective novels I've read, this should have been a walk in the park! People already think I'm gay... Now they're gonna think I'm a retard too? Is this what I have to look forward to? Is this my lot in life? When people pass me on the street, is that what they're gonna point and say? Am I gonna spend the rest of my life... known as a gay retard?!)

OP died because brazil flooded and stream was unable to continue until next day


Facing Your Mentor: Vs. SARETH[edit | edit source]

  1. Sareth
  2. Suou Tatsuya
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Referee: Refxtra
  • Singles

Sareth Winner

BONUS POINT?

  1. YES
  2. NO

The Plight of the Dragon[edit | edit source]

Date Kaname
...Kiryu... Dammit, he never changes...
Always risking his own safety for others so recklessly.
And now, my higher ups won't even allow me to keep tabs on him. What's with the secrecy?
Sonozaki Akane
Well, if you stop and think about it with a cool head, it makes sense, right?
The way the media has been treating him...
It's only natural your superiors wouldn't want rumors of one of their detectives being close friends with such a "dangerous criminal".
You've been drinking buddies for how long, now? A lot of people in the force already know about it, for sure.
Kasai Tatsuyoshi
Tch... Maybe they've been keeping him somewhere extra secure, too.
Where he was being held before, someone like him could escape anytime he wanted.
Though we know Kiryu wouldn't do such a thing. He feels guilty, after all.
Date Kaname
Ugh! Why do I have to be so... Useless?
I promised him! I told Kiryu that I'd clear Jackson's name... And still, I have nothing to show for it!
Date Mizuki
...Are you done complaining yet, Date?
Date Kaname
Mizuki? I thought you were busy being a teenager with Shion and Mion...
Date Mizuki
The one acting like an angsty 14 year old is you, though.
Sonozaki Mion
"Date"... Why do you call uncle Date that? Aren't you "Date" yourself, Mizuki?
Sonozaki Shion
Oh, she definitely calls him "papa" when they're alone!
Date Mizuki
Grrrrr, don't go making things up!
Aiba
I mean... Where's the lie?
Date Mizuki
Maybe you should go back to Date's socket if you're gonna be like this, Aiba!
Aiba
Oh? But that wouldn't be any fun, right?
I could solve all his problems in a jiffy!
Sonozaki Akane
Hah... Kiryu isn't the only one who never changes...
Date Kaname
Tell me about it... Heh...
Sonozaki Akane
Date...
I must say, still, from the bottom of my heart, I'm thankful for what Kiryu has done for us.
Those past weeks have been a nightmare. But yet, once again, when we were in a pinch... He came in and saved us all, without any regard for himself.
To think he'd face the entire clan alone... What a man he is.
Date Kaname
...Yeah...
Sonozaki Akane
And now, you know what we must do.
It's time to pay him back. We're going to save Kiryu... From himself.
Date Kaname
But Kyrie and Rudolf are still out there, right?
Sonozaki Akane
Indeed, and I bet they're on the move themselves. Which is why we can't lag behind.
Thankfully, I got in touch with someone who's willing to help.
Yamai Yutaka
Brrrrr... So damn cold...
Didn't you have a better place in mind for this? Maybe a candlelight dinner?
Date Kaname
...Yamai?
Are you sure about this, Akane? He used to be on their side...
Yamai Yutaka
"Used to", yes. I didn't see the point in staying with those losers after a certain Dragon wiped the floor with everyone.
Besides, we were never subordinates to the Sumaderas. There was just a small business agreement in place. And that agreement fell apart.
Yeah, sure, back in Steven's days, the underworld was good and all...
But right now, there's so many lucrative deals for an independent family such as mine.
As far as Kyrie goes... Well, I had joined her because she'd let me have Akane if the coup was successful.
I know a loyal, devoted widow such as her would never be with scum like me otherwise.
Sonozaki Akane
That's disgusting, you know?
Yamai Yutaka
Like music to my ears.
Kasai Tatsuyoshi
I see you're a man of culture as well, Yamai.
Date Kaname
I mean, miss Akane is very attractive, yes... There's a reason a powerful man like Steven fell for her...
Sonozaki Akane
Is this really an appropriate topic at such a time?
Date Mizuki
Should I slap them?
Sonozaki Mion
Better yet. Shion, get your taser.
Sonozaki Shion
On it!
Date Kaname
H-Hey, no need for that!
Yamai Yutaka
Anyways... Kyrie herself... She isn't all that bad either. She's not quite ripe yet, but she's getting there. Maybe in five or ten more years.
And that pinch of malice. Heh, just makes it better.
Date Kaname
I can see the appeal. She has great bone structure, too!
Sonozaki Akane
Hmpf...
I've been thinking, what could've made Kyrie take such a risky move?
Not just the betrayal, but... Having no contingency plan is uncharacteristic of her.
She wouldn't do anything without having extreme confidence in its success. And there's no way she didn't take the Dragon of Kojima's return into account.
Kasai Tatsuyoshi
There's gotta be something up her sleeve. She'll be a problem for us until we deal with it.
Date Kaname
That's for sure... But enough about her.
What about the Matou family? Are they legit? And why are they after Kiryu?
Kasai Tatsuyoshi
It's a long story. Currently, they consist not only of old members and fanatics, but also remnants of other families and gangs.
The Shimano family, Evolution... Even those who worked under "Il Drago"...
Basically, if you have something against the Dragon of Kojima, they'll welcome you in their ranks.
A family that was once a cornerstone of the clan, reduced to a machine moved by pure hatred.
It is to be expected, considering Hayashi Hiroshi's prominence in their business nowadays...
The man who considers himself Kiryu's archenemy...
And he's the one mentoring Kieran, the man nurturing his hatred. Hayashi is the de-facto current leader of the Matou family.
He must hope that Kieran's hatred grows strong enough, that through hard work a foe worthy of ending the Dragon once and for all will be born from it.
Sonozaki Akane
Kieran apparently came to the Sumadera clan himself... I wonder why...
Kyrie is the one who's at fault for what happened to his mom in the first place.
Maybe his hatred for Kiryu is related to his mom's obsession over Kariya, who abandoned them because he only had eyes for Jill Stingray...
Kasai Tatsuyoshi
...Only to then have her "stolen" by Kiryu.
Date Kaname
That explains it... Kieran is suffering from some sort of intergenerational, father-to-son cuck rage...
...Wow, that's a great one, actually. I wonder if there's any videos of that online... Like, uh, the "husbandry" videos I keep at home...
Aiba, can you come back here for a second? We've got some important research to d-

(zap)

Sonozaki Shion
...I gave him one too many chances.
Date Mizuki
Hey, let me do it next time!
Sonozaki Mion
Gotta wait for him to wake up first.

Facing Your Mentor: Vs. HISOKA[edit | edit source]

  1. Narushima Koga
  2. Hisoka
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Referee: Refxtra
  • Singles

Narushima Koga Winner

BONUS POINT?

  1. YES
  2. NO

Facing Your Mentor: Vs. KYLE HYDE[edit | edit source]

  1. Kyle Hyde
  2. Chai
Iconic Match
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Referee: Refxtra
  • Singles

📷Gallery
Chai Winner

Much different than anyone was expecting, Kyle and Chai put an extraordinary match. Chai demonstrated things he had never been able to do before, and together put on a match brimming with chemistry and iconic moments.

BONUS POINT?

  1. YES
  2. NO

»"FACING YOUR MENTOR" RESULTS«[edit | edit source]

  1. BOOGIE [15+2+1 Pts]
  2. TATSUYA [14+1 Pts]
  3. SAMFLAM [14+1 Pts]
  4. KOGA [11+2+1 Pts]
  5. GREGSON [11 Pts]
  6. MECHAZAWA [11 Pts]
  7. CHAI [7+2+1 Pts]

The "truth" Behind the Sonozaki Incident[edit | edit source]

Maebara Keiichi
Huff... Huff... Dammit!
(I was so busy with the whole activism thing that I only learned about the attack now...)
(I really hope Mion and Shion are okay... I never stopped to think that they would be right in the middle of all these gang wars!)
(I tried to reach them by phone, but the lines got cut off... It only makes me worry more. I hope they merely disabled them as mere precaution to not get tracked...)
(Huh? There's a police car by the gate. Is the investigation still ongoing?)
(That doesn't look good... I need to know what's happening!)
(...Who's that guy standing guard? Never seen him before.)
Hey, I'm here to see Mion and Shion. Could you tell them that Maebara Keiichi came to meet them?
Sasame Ojiro
Huuh? Piss off, kid.
Maebara Keiichi
W-What? I'm their friend! This is important, I need to see them!
Sasame Ojiro
I don't care! Get the fuck out!

(punch)

Maebara Keiichi
Ugh... Shit!
Who the hell is that? Joe would usually let me in...
Ooishi Kuraudo
Nfufufu! What are you doing here, Maebara-san?
Maebara Keiichi
Ooishi! Long time no see!
Ooishi Kuraudo
Come on in, it's awfully hot outside, isn't it?

Maebara Keiichi
Um, so, what are you doing here, Ooishi?
Ooishi Kuraudo
Waiting for Date, of course. What else would I be doing at a place like this?
Maebara Keiichi
Date is here too? Is it related to the attack I've heard about?
Ooishi Kuraudo
As perceptive as ever, aren't you? He's been trying to get information out of these Sonozaki scumbags.
Maebara Keiichi
Hey, careful with your words! I told you to not talk about my friends like this!
Ooishi Kuraudo
Na-ha-ha-ha! You really care about them deeply, don't you?
So you think you know what the Sonozaki family is really like? The very same yakuza that terrorized this city for decades?
Maebara Keiichi
(Ruber said the same thing about them... Am I in the wrong here?)
Sure, I can't deny that... But it's all in the past! Mion and Shion are doing their best trying to create change, to leave that violent path behind!
Ooishi Kuraudo
Ah, so you're a starry-eyed brat, just like them. Trying to change things, you say? How ironic.
Maebara Keiichi
That's too far! We- They do their best! What they're doing is not u-useless...
Ooishi Kuraudo
The moment their patriarch died, the vultures started circling... Family members turned on each other, stabbing each other in the back for money and power.
Honor? Just a façade.
Maebara Keiichi
T-Turned on each other? Is that what happened at the estate?
Ooishi Kuraudo
Oh, so you don't know? The oh-so honorable "Dragon" pummeled through them.
And the scumbag didn't even last a week in jail, he was bailed out by higher ups.
Maebara Keiichi
Kiryu...? H-He betrayed the family?
Ooishi Kuraudo
Who knows. I don't really keep track of their melodrama.
Maebara Keiichi
(Then... They really were right about him. It's a good thing I wrote that script... That cold-blooded bastard...)
Ngh...
Ooishi Kuraudo
...
Sorry for being so grumpy. Haven't really had a chance to relax lately.
The damn Sonozakis always dampen my mood when I remember my history with them.
Maebara Keiichi
Y-Yeah, I shouldn't have asked in the first place, since I knew you don't really like them, sorry.
Ooishi Kuraudo
Nfu-fu-fu! Well, let me put on this banger we recorded to lighten up the mood.
Do you know Oyashiro-sama?
Maebara Keiichi
Um... T-This is kind of embarrassing...
It's been a while since I heard it...
Ooishi Kuraudo
Na-ha-ha-ha! Still not planning on restoring the Soul Brothers, K?
Maebara Keiichi
Ah... I don't think it's an appropriate time for that. Aren't we all too busy lately?
Ooishi Kuraudo
Maybe... But that's why it'd be something to look forward to.
What about AEW? I'm sure they'd welcome you with open arms.
Maebara Keiichi
No... Isn't that place a joke? I still don't get why Date has such high opinion of it.
Ooishi Kuraudo
Maybe... Does it matter though? At the end of the day, we all have fun and get paid, and viewers leave happy.
Besides... After I lost my pension, I need to work two jobs to save money for my retirement.
I'm more than glad to just be earning this much. And Amakusa doesn't mind me appearing only occasionally because of my detective work.
Maebara Keiichi
Oh...
Ooishi Kuraudo
Well, don't sweat it.
It's depressing how much of a shithole Coolsville became, though.
More and more normal, civilized people turning into gangsters...
Maebara Keiichi
I mean, I've certainly noticed. Crime wasn't as big of a deal just a while ago.
It was there, of course, but you wouldn't hear about serial killings or full-blown gang wars like now.
Ooishi Kuraudo
You know... I don't wanna sour the mood again, but...
Back in the days, when the Sonozakis ruled the city almost uncontested, something very similar happened.
And all of that could be traced back to a surge of illegal gamepads in the black market.
Maebara Keiichi
Illegal gamepads?
Ooishi Kuraudo
Such instruments could transform even the most harmless of men into a real yakuza.
What a headache that was...
Maebara Keiichi
I never even knew such things existed...
Ooishi Kuraudo
Na-ha-ha-ha! It's better to keep it that way.
Anyhow, I think Date is done. Are you gonna ride with us?
Maebara Keiichi
(I don't really feel like talking to Date after the last time...)
I... I think I'll take my leave. Thanks, Ooishi. You've been very helpful.
Ooishi Kuraudo
Nfu-fu-fu-fu! Don't mention it.

Maebara Keiichi
(I knew Kiryu was bad news...)
(Illegal gamepads... Maybe I should look further into it.)
(Was this all happening in the old world as well?)
(I don't know... I never paid attention, I was just having fun...)
(But I swear that this time, I'll be the first to notice the issues and squash them.)
(I have to.)

Building New Legacies[edit | edit source]

  1. Mario & Peppino are #AllElite
  2. The Elite EnigmasTim & Reize Seatlan are #AllElite
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Tag-Team

📷Gallery
Elimination By
Peppino Tim
The Elite Enigmas Winner

Reize debuted as new Elite Enigma

AEW All-Arctic Circle Championship: Gathering of the Workhorses[edit | edit source]

  1. John Witcher is #AllElite
  2. ZOOM is #AllElite
  3. Rance is #AllElite
  4. Kris is #AllElite
  5. Krillin(Champion) is #AllElite
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Championship: AEW All-Arctic Circle
  • Fatal-5-Way
  • TLC

Rance Winner

You mean MY WIFE who is a forgotten member of G1's women's division is currently in JAPAN and spending ALL OF MY MONEY at CLUB VESUVIO and single handedly creating THE LIST OF DRINKS ORDERED TODAY and she's currently getting her hand-crafted pussy STUFFED TO THE BRIM by HOT YOUNG STUDS working at the host club??? Battler and Shiki and Shinji are pumping her pussy full of so much cum that she's gotten a YEAST INFECTION and it's FERMENTING and turning into MOONSHINE!?!?! RANCE-SAMA... YOU MEAN YOU'RE GONNA TAKE MY TITLE... AND MY WIFE TOO? YABBA DABBA DOO!!!

Secrets of Dreams — Vs. Nakamura Shinsuke[edit | edit source]

Ushiromiya Battler
Nihihi, I did it! I’ve always been a fan of mystery novels, but that was the first time I got to really flex my chops as a detective!
Hey, that police officer even offered me a job! I didn’t misinterpret that, right?
Ah... I’d feel kinda bad leaving the club high and dry after tonight though.
I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but it feels like I kind of screwed the bartender over. She did what she did to help her family.
I’d like to think my parents would do the same. I know I’d do it for Ange!
Wait a minute... Oh shit! I totally forgot to tell Ange I’d be coming home late today!
Ah, dammit, I don’t think she’ll burn the house down or anything, but she’ll be in a pissy mood for sure!
I’d better get a move on, I- Huh?
???
Ushiromiya... Ushiromiya Battora.
Ushiromiya Battler
...Who the hell are you? Why do you know my name?
???
So many question. Prease... be patient.
Ushiromiya Battora. I know more zan justo you name.
Nakamura Shinsuke
I know about you dream.
Ushiromiya Battler
My... dream...?
Nakamura Shinsuke
I know... you have skereton in croseto. I know about you famiry. I know about you parentsu... Even darring ritteru sisteru.
I even know... About rist of drinks bought today...
Ushiromiya Battler
Who the hell are you!?
Nakamura Shinsuke
My name... Nakamura. Nakamura Shinsuke. Ushiromiya Battora... You, and you dream... Have no prace in mine.
Ushiromiya Battler
Shit! What the hell is with this guy?!
Nakamura Shinsuke
My dream... Wirr be you nightmare!

  1. Ushiromiya Battler
  2. Nakamura Shinsuke

Nakamura Shinsuke Winner

Nakamura Shinsuke
Hmph.
Ushiromiya Battler
Hah... Hah... Are you gonna tell me... What the hell this is all about?
Nakamura Shinsuke
I arready say. I know about you dream.
Ushiromiya Battler
My... dream? What the hell are you talking about!?
Nakamura Shinsuke
So... you don't know? Fufufu. 実に面白い。 Even if you haven't figure it out yet... I can see it in you eye.
You dream は... dangerous. Dangerous to プロレス. You dream and mine... cannot coexist.
Ushiromiya Battler
What? What the hell are you talking about?
Nakamura Shinsuke
We finish this some other time.
Ushiromiya Battler
Who the hell was that? Whoever he was... His English sucked.

Training for the King Showdown[edit | edit source]

  1. Arisato Minato is #AllElite
  2. Ky Kiske
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Singles

Arisato Minato Winner

???
Hey bro! Hey Makoto!

(Stheno appears in the titantron)

Stheno
Yeah, up here genius. Look familiar bro?
Seein' as how you're such a tough guy, takin' on Bimmy and Jimmy all on your own, I decided it was time to take mattas into my own hands bro!

(Takeba Yukari enters dorm)

I'm here at Iwatodai bro! This is where you live, isn't it bro?
Well forgive me if I didn't wipe my feet at the fuckin' door bro, but I figured if a piece a shit like you was walkin' in here every day, it wouldn't make a goddamn difference!

(Yukari approaches Stheno)

You're out of control bro! Just rememba, you made me do this bro!
I'm gonna have a nice, long talk with Yukari and Mitsuru, see how they feel about what a piece of fuckin' garbage you've become!

(Yukari is right behind Stheno with an annoyed grin on her face and close eyes)

Stabbin' your friends in the back! You probably stabbed them in the back too! I-

(video cuts)


(Stheno is all beat-up)

Stheno
S-So yeah... Anyway, you betta watch your ass, Makoto! This isn't ova you sonnuva bitch!

Iconic Challengers to the Revived S, Putting on a BANGER[edit | edit source]

  1. Teddy Maxis is #AllElite
  2. Terry Hintz is #AllElite
  3. Vergil is #AllElite
  4. Zagreus is #AllElite
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Contendership: AEW World #1 Contender
  • Extreme Rules
  • Fatal-4-Way

Elimination By
Zagreus Terry Hintz
Terry Hintz Winner

AEW Singles Championship: Belt-collecting Classic[edit | edit source]

  1. HUNK is #AllElite
  2. "Alucard"(Champion) is #AllElite
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Championship: AEW Singles
  • Singles

HUNK Winner

Putting Gramps Back in the Wheelchair[edit | edit source]

  1. Perc Jones is #AllElite
  2. Wheelchair Guy is #AllElite
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Singles

Perc Jones Winner

Visit to Revolve Bar[edit | edit source]

Yakou Furio
Yo, everyone! I'm home!
Sorry it took me a while to make this store run. I just met a former client on the way and-
Ichiban?
Kasuga Ichiban
W-Waaahhhhhhhhh... Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
Kamikura Waka
You gotta calm down, Kasuga! No need to get all riled up, okay?!
Yakou Furio
Are you crying? Oh no...
(What could've happened while I was away?)
(Don't tell me something happened to Harry.)
Kasuga Ichiban
Uwaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Kamikura Waka
Chief, Kasuga's lost it!
Yakou Furio
W-What happened? Let's calm down...
Kamikura Waka
M-Maybe I shouldn't have showed him how to work that YouTube app on his phone...
Kasuga Ichiban
Dark Speakerman... And Plungerman... They're both gone! And it's all because of that damn Chief Scientist!
Kamikura Waka
He's been like a chicken with its head cut off all mornin'...
Yakou Furio
Oh, wow, you two had me worried for a second.
So I assume Harry is okay. Well, as okay as he can be at this time.
Let me fix him up a bit. Bought some medicine that might help, too.
Kasuga Ichiban
Thanks, Yakou. I think he's doing a little bit better now.
Yakou Furio
I guess? But hey, we're trying our best for him, and that's what matters.
So, I've actually been thinking. Regarding Waka's situation.

Kamikura Waka
So, lemme tell ya 'bout this friend o' mine, she was really fun to be around. Really smart, too.
We were like peanut butter and jelly, she was the brains and I was the brawn.
Everything we did together was guaranteed to be a good time. But then, her granddaddy passed away...
Ever since then, she ain't been herself, ya know?
'Round me, she'd put on a brave face, but I could feel somethin' was off.
I thought I knew her inside and out. Guess I was wrong.
'Fore I could even blink, she just up and vanished.
Said somethin' 'bout "findin' the answer", then poof! Like smoke in the wind.
Kasuga Ichiban
I... I'm so sorry to hear that.
Hey, Yakou... Help me out here!
I don't really know how to console today's kids.
Yakou Furio
Don't worry, I've got this. I'm quite hip with the youngins!
Listen, Waka, I know you might feel lost right now.
It's only natural, with your friend being gone all of a sudden. I've had to deal with my fair share of situations like that before.
But hey, think about it this way:
If only you skibidi the gyatt ohio fanum tax like a rizzler you finna be a sigma when the backroom griddy is uncanny!
Kamikura Waka
Uhh... Huh?

Kasuga Ichiban
Oh yeah, I wanted to know what "skibidi" meant afterwards... But I wasn't prepared for that wild ride...
Yakou Furio
I have a friend who might be able to help us out. He's usually got some good information when it comes to missing people.
A certain bartender...
Kasuga Ichiban
Oh? A bartender who can help us out? Heh, back home I knew one like that too!
Kamikura Waka
That sounds like fun. Mind if I tag along?
Yakou Furio
Well-
Kasuga Ichiban
Of course! The more the merrier, right?
Kamikura Waka
Yay! What're you waitin' for, then? Let's go!
Yakou Furio
Alright, I guess...

Yakou Furio
Hey, buddy. Haven't stopped by for a drink in a while, hah. Working really hard, you know?
The Bartender
Really? Could swear you came by just a few days ago.
Either way, good to see you again, Yakou. And I see you brought company.
Yakou Furio
Yeah! This right here is Kasuga Ichiban. And the lady is Kamikura Waka. They're both clients of mine, kind of?
Kasuga Ichiban
Nice to meet you!
Kamikura Waka
I like yer choice in shades!
The Bartender
Well, if you're a friend of his, you're always welcome around these parts.
So, what are you looking for today?
Yakou Furio
Well, I didn't really bring money for any drinks. I actually came to ask for information!
The Bartender
You did bring in two new customers, so it's alright. Ask away.
Yakou Furio
You see, we're actually looking for Waka's friend.
She mysteriously vanished a few days ago.
Apparently, the last time she was seen was wandering into a restricted area here in Sindria.
I figured you probably know something about it. You know this city so well after all, hahah!
The Bartender
...
Sorry, but I'm afraid I can't help you with that. I'm just a humble bartender.
Yakou Furio
What?
Kamikura Waka
Wha'? Ya can't do that! I'm beggin' ya, I gotta know it!
Yakou Furio
Waka, could you leave the negotiation to me? I'm sure we could talk it out.
Kamikura Waka
Okay...
Yakou Furio
Come on now, we've talked about this kind of stuff a lot in the past. Is it because I'm not drinking?
The Bartender
You have my trust, Yakou. I've taken a liking to you from the moment you first stopped by.
But anyways, right now, things are just too dangerous. And I don't even know if I can trust your new friends.
I've already gotten burned once in the past. I don't want that to happen again.
Kasuga Ichiban
Danger? Nah, don't worry about that, we're good! I mean, I'm a wanted man and all, but since I got this haircut there's no way anyone is gonna-
Mike Pun Master
Kasuga Ichiban! You thought you could run away from us? Well, it looks like you're in a bit of a pickle now!
You're a dead man. And the boss wants a front row seat. I guess you could say you're about to get "axed" from the game!
Escharum
Ichiban... Oh my, you're even uglier than before!
That haircut is just awful. This must be yet another crime added to your sentence!
Yakou Furio
Hey, I think it's stylish!
Kasuga Ichiban
Damn, I was starting to hope I wouldn't have to deal with you again!
Escharum
Well, you should not worry. This might be the last time we talk, after all.
Once my men are done with you, you'll wish you had just given up sooner!
Because as the new ruler of Sindria, I-

(BANG!)

Mike Pun Master
H-Hey! That's my phone you just shot! I'm having a "dis-connect" with this situation!
Do you know how many months I had to work to buy it? It was really "charge-ing" a lot of money and-
O-Okay, stop aiming at me! I get the message! I don't want to be "hung up" on this conversation anymore!
This is not the last you hear of us, Kasuga Ichiban! We'll be "ringing" you up again soon!
The Bartender
If you want to do something like that, you better do it outside.
Could've broken a good bottle or two otherwise.
Yakou Furio
Man, that was slick!
Kamikura Waka
Shoot, that was something' else...
Kasuga Ichiban
Wow! Are you a New Game+ secret boss or something?!
The Bartender
Nothing like that. You just gotta learn how to protect your business once you run one.
Well, with that out of the way, why don't you have a seat? Let us know each other better.
Judging from that exchange just now, it appears you're a very peculiar character... I'm interested.
Kasuga Ichiban
Hey, I'm always up for strenghtening my drink links!
Kamikura Waka
What're ya orderin'? I could go for a sip myself. Never been to a bar like this before. Nor had a drop to drink, to tell the truth!
Kasuga Ichiban
Wait a minute... You can't be drinking. You're under 21!
Kamikura Waka
H-How do ya know? I never even told ya my age.
Kasuga Ichiban
How else? You know how to use your phone!
Yakou Furio
Sorry, but there'll be no underage drinking on my watch.
Get her a glass of water.
Kamikura Waka
Couldn't you at least ask for a soda? Some apple juice, maybe?
Kasuga Ichiban
...By the way, Yakou! That guy I fought when we went to look for the cat.
Freddy... Fazbear?
Yakou Furio
Francesco.
Kasuga Ichiban
Right, Francesco. So, uh, yeah.
I could swear for a moment that something was holding on to me, and that's why I couldn't get back in... It was really strange.
Yakou Furio
Ichi, come on now. No need to come up with excuses. I'm not gonna think less of you for losing that match!
Kasuga Ichiban
I-It's not an excuse! I swear! There was something odd there for real!
Kamikura Waka
What's that about losing? Someone beat up Kasuga?
Hey, if you need help with bullies or whatever, gimme a call. I'll take care of it!
Kasuga Ichiban
R-Really? You'd do that? Does that mean I can register you as a poundmate?
I wonder what's the fee for this one...
Wait, I gotta register Harry too! Can't forget it!
The Bartender
...Harry, huh? Got yourself plenty of new friends, Yakou.
Why don't you bring him along next time?
Kasuga Ichiban
Ah, haha! Harry hasn't been feeling well lately, so we let him rest at Yakou's house.
Probably better if he doesn't drink for a while.
Harry's been through a lot. And I have no idea how to contact his family... Things have been rough for him.
The Bartender
Maybe I could help, then.
Consider it a reimbursement for not being able to help with Ms. Kamikura's issue.
Yakou Furio
Ah! That would be cool and all, but... Now that I remember, you actually had a different request, right, Ichi?
Kasuga Ichiban
Right! It'd be great if you could help us with Harry, but I want to ask for something else first.
You totally know about it by now, but King Sinbad has disappeared. Considering he's not only my boss, but also an old friend of mine... I need to find him!
Kamikura Waka
King Sinbad? Ya know him? Like, in person?
That's cool! I saw him on TV pretty often. My parents are big fans!
The Bartender
The King? I see. The Sindria Trading Company announced recently that he was not feeling well and was going to be taking an extended medical leave.
They would thus be operating under interim leadership until his return. So that's what it was about, huh?
Now it makes sense, the face in that phone earlier... When you said you were being hunted, you were referring to the peacekeepers.
The man that was after you is their new director. The old one retired a few months back, due to unknown circumstances.
Kasuga Ichiban
Oh, so that's why he was at HQ when I arrived here! He's my coworker!
Weird, though. I still don't know what's his beef with me.
Kamikura Waka
Bald asshole's probably jealous of your hair, I'd bet.
The Bartender
His name is Escharum. He wasn't really anything special. Just another regular, respectful subordinate of the King.
I'm not sure if the urge for money and power got to his head, or what exactly happened, but...
Something must have emboldened Escharum, if he dared to defy King Sinbad.
While I'm not a local, I learned a lot about the King from customers and people in general. I also eventually read his books.
Everyone seems to respect him, but it's basically an open secret that his practices aren't as squeaky clean as you'd like to think.
There's no way someone would've been able to reform this godforsaken place in just a few years otherwise.
He's specially known for his miraculous business acumen.
It's like he knows just what the market wants, and thanks to that, the Sindria Trading Company has grown in abumdance.
Some might see him as a pioneer, but his aggressive approach also earned him many enemies.
Sinbad would take over any rival company that had products he was interested in, and would attempt to monopolize whatever he could.
Kasuga Ichiban
Geez. Capitalism sure is serious business.
You're saying these rival companies might be the ones behind his disappearance?
You're giving me a whole new perspective here. Thanks a lot!
The Bartender
That's not all... He's done many more questionable things.
The Peacekeepers themselves, for example, were initially a security company whose role was to protect the interests of the Sindria Trading Company.
However, they quickly grew in number and became what you could call a blatant paramilitary group.
Kasuga Ichiban
I see! Warden Osborne actually told me a bit about it. They're the local cops, right?
I heard Harry was one of them, too...
The Bartender
They aren't exactly what you would call cops. The Peacekeepers are still very much a private entity, not a governmental one.
Yakou Furio
Wait, wait, Ichiban. You're saying Harry is a peacekeeper?
Kasuga Ichiban
Hmmm, something like that? He was better known as Harrier du Bois around these parts, I guess. That's his real name.
I can imagine him being the friendly neighborhood cop, haha! Did he ever help you find a lost cat or something?
Yakou Furio
A-Are you kidding me...?
The Bartender
Du Bois... This isn't good...
Kasuga Ichiban
C'mon guys, you don't have to act like that. I know Harry might look a bit weird and he vomited on me and all but...
Yakou Furio
I thought you'd know better... Aren't you one of Sinbad's subordinates as well?!
Kasuga Ichiban
Yeah! What about it?
The Bartender
Harrier du Bois. A man with quite the infamous reputation around these parts.
While most of what the Sindria Trading Company did was recognized as an "ends justify the means" kind of deal...
Harrier was... Never the most pleasant guy to be around, even before his drinking problems surfaced.
In order to clean this place up, King Sinbad had to make use of some pretty drastic measures...
And "Harry" was one of his most feared, highest-ranked enforcers.
Yakou Furio
As you might know, my detective agency isn't exactly much of an "official" business.
I operate in the slums and I might take an odd request or two once in a while.
That's how most businesses used to be in Sindria back in the day.
They were quite informal and didn't abide by rigid regulations, operating pretty much outside of the law.
Harry was the one responsible for almost singlehandedly cracking all of those small commerces open, brutally making an example out of them.
Kasuga Ichiban
T-That sounds pretty hardcore. I never would've guessed considering all he does is sleep and mumble!
Kamikura Waka
And vomit. Don't forget vomit.
Kasuga Ichiban
Still, there's nothing to worry about, right?
I'm sure we can reason with him once he's... Capable of reasoning. Just gotta explain it nicely! I'll even level my Charisma up beforehand!
Yakou Furio
Mmmmm... I guess? Even if the Peacekeepers are after our asses, it's not like Harry is still with them.
Kasuga Ichiban
Right? Osborne believes in him, so I do too!
The Bartender
Heh, Osborne... Sounds like you trust him a lot...
Still, tread carefully. You never know who you're dealing with around these parts.
And don't ever wander into any restricted areas, no matter what!
Yakou Furio
Guh...
If even YOU out of all people think that's dangerous, we're definitely not going to.

Harrier Du Bois
Mmmmgmmgghahhh...
Mmaahaagahhh... Mahhh... Miss- Mission...
Kudan
...
Still no signs of sapience?
He's clearly awake, but he doesn't even react to me being here. His mind has been completely shattered... It's safe to say that the experiment has failed.
Agnus is going to be disappointed.
If our top officer is out of commission... We need another team to dispatch Kasuga Ichiban.
And most importantly, to retrieve that ledger he was supposed to get.
Harrier Du Bois
L-Ledger...
If I bring the ledger... S-She'll come... Back to me...
Kudan
Oh? Are you perhaps reacting?
And what's that you've got...
Huh, through it all, you managed to grab a hold of the objective?
Interesting! It seems that even this broken shell of a man you've become can still be useful to us.
Let's get you back on track, then. After all, "Once you're at rock bottom, the only way forward is up."
But as far as that document goes... Maybe you should keep it for now.
It'll make things a lot more fun.

Twitch.tv Championship: The Devil's Servants[edit | edit source]

  1. Kaidou Shun is #AllElite
  2. Vacant & Vacant are #AllElite
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Championship: AEW Twitch.tv
  • Handicap

TEAM Vacant Winner by Sub

Kaidou challenged the Devil who attacked him, but his minions came out instead.

The Professional Boxer[edit | edit source]

Agent 47
I can't believe they really went and replaced me...
All because I couldn't make it one week. So what?
You know my bald head is as resistant as a rock. It's obvious I'd be back in no time!
Maybe I wouldn't be this angry if that Hisoka guy wasn't a fruity flamboyant faggot.
Well, whatever, more time for me to check this thing out.
The "Kamogawa Boxing Gym". Let's see if this old man can teach anything useful.
I don't want to risk failing a cash-in ever again in my life.

Agent 47
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! IS ANYONE THERE?
This place looks abandoned... I should've known.
Why would you bother teaching boxing when legendary arts such as Aikido and Death Jitsu exist to compliment wrestling?
Maybe I should look for a dojo elsewhere.
Susuhara Suzumu
Oh, hey! A new customer? That's rare.
Agent 47
Huh? Are you the owner? You look nothing like the guy on the flyer I saw.
Susuhara Suzumu
Oh, no, the old man's settling some business elsewhere.
Hold on, I'll give him a call.
Damn, he's not picking up...
Regardless, he'd kill me if I dropped the ball with this opportunity, so...
How about I give you a sparring section for free, kind of like a test run?
Agent 47
You? You want to step in the ring against The Professional?
Well... Better than nothing, I guess.
Susuhara Suzumu
Excellent. Let me make a proposition, then.
To make things easier for you, I'll fight with the full armor on.
Kamogawa would be angry if he saw this, but he isn't here anyways.
Agent 47
Easier? Shouldn't that make you a harder target?
Well, whatever! Armor, no armor, I'll backstab your ass either way!

  1. Agent 47
  2. Fight Knight

Fight Knight Winner

Agent 47
T-This isn't fair! You have that full layer of metal covering you!
How are my fists supposed to do any damage?
Fight Knight
...
Agent 47
Hey, are you listening? Come on, let me take that thing off!
Susuhara Suzumu
Oh... Hello...
Uhm, the armor, right? You think it's an advantage?
The opposite is true, actually. You see, in order to be a proper boxer you're supposed to block hits with your head.
And you can't really do that the right way if you're wearing a helmet.
Though the biggest downside is that it could make you too strong to win...
But at the same time, whenever I put on this armor... It's like I become a completely different person or something.
I don't really get the chance to don it often nowadays, so I wanted to take this opportunity.
If I didn't know any better I'd think it's haunted. There were some rumors about it, I guess... Hahahah!
Agent 47
Haunted? As if that could be true...
Susuhara Suzumu
Well, I'll tell you, it does make for some great training gear. You know, it's pretty much a limiter, so it makes things harder when you wear it.
If you train with a handicap on, once you get to a real fight everything is gonna feel much easier.
Hey... How about you give it a try next time around?
Agent 47
Me? Are you sure?
Susuhara Suzumu
I think you'd improve faster that way. Won't hurt to give it a try.
Agent 47
Well... It's not really fashionable. I'm not sure a renowed assassin should be wearing something like this as anything but a disguise.
But if it helps me in traning, I'll do it. I'll even look like a faggot if need be!
Susuhara Suzumu
Can't wait to see what you've got!
Hm? He's calling back!
Kamogawa Genji
Susuhara! I already told you I don't like being interrupted when I'm out running my errands.
Those damn cellular phones nowadays... Kids just want everyone to stay connected 24/7.
Anyway, what ya calling me for?!
Susuhara Suzumu
You wouldn't guess it. We have a new customer!
He's eager to sign the contract for some training. Can you get here soon?
Kamogawa Genji
A new customer? I'll be there in a second!
As soon as I arrive, don't waste any time, go buy some drinks! We gotta welcome him the right way!
Susuhara Suzumu
Alright, I'll be doing that. See you soon.
Kamogawa Genji
See ya!
Susuhara Suzumu
He'll be here any seco-
Kamogawa Genji
Heeeey, a new customer! We've got a lot to teach you about, boy!
Susuhara, where are the drinks? You're taking too long! Don't forget the basics of customer service!
Susuhara Suzumu
...I'll be on my way.

Celebration & Drinks[edit | edit source]

Francis York Morgan
I wasn't aware Tony had set up shop in front of Kamogawa's gym, Zach.
But it sure does come in handy now that we got our rewards for taking care of all those killer bees...
Are we only taking the cigarettes or does anything else catch your eye?
Francis Zach Morgan
...That'll be it. Thank you.
Tony
Thank you, customer. Come again, customer.
Manny Pardo
We done yet? I need some rest myself.
Francis Zach Morgan
Now we are. Let's go in.

Kamogawa Genji
Well, I'll be damned! Look who we have here!
Faced the mafia all by yourselves, rescued your friend and got back safely, all in a day's work!
Manny Pardo
Didn't expect to see us so soon, old man? Did you forget what we're made of?
Kamogawa Genji
Not at all... But you did save Richter, right? Where is he?
Francis Zach Morgan
Charles told us to leave it to him, and that it'd be safer that way, so we split up for the time being.
Kamogawa Genji
I see. Let's hope that's the wise thing to do.
Francis York Morgan
Charles is a man of great conviction, and he certainly feels responsible for what happened to Richter, as well.
There's no one more trustworthy than him at such a time. He'll protect his friend no matter what.
You think so too, right, Zach?
Kamogawa Genji
Now, we've got plenty to celebrate, don't we?
You saved Richter, and I got myself a new student! Susuhara, get the drinks!
Susuhara Suzumu
On it!
Francis Zach Morgan
...New student?
Kamogawa Genji
That's right. He's signing the contract right over there.
Manny Pardo
The bald guy in a suit? Looks pretty suspicious if you ask me. Why would you come to such a place dressed like that?
Susuhara Suzumu
Don't worry, I got to assess him first-hand. Bit of a loudmouth, but seems like a nice guy.
Now, why don't you take a seat? Let's cool off for a moment.
Kamogawa Genji
...By the way, have you seen the shop up front?
I met that Tony fellow earlier when I went out for an errand.
I wonder if that's gonna attract more customers. There hasn't been a lot of business around this area.
You know, with the whole protection money thing... You gotta be a brave one to risk having the mafia at your doorstep.
Francis Zach Morgan
Let's hope Tony plays it smart and finds a way to avoid them.
Kamogawa Genji
And hope we will.
...Hey, Susuhara! What about the new kid? Is he one of those quiet types?
Why doesn't he come and join us already?
...Oi! Boy! Come over, grab a drink! Think of it as your welcoming party!
Agent 47
...Boy? ...Sorry, old man, but The Professional only drinks the finest wine. None of that cheap stuff.
Manny Pardo
Come on, enjoy yourself a bit. Stop acting like a spoiled sissy.
Agent 47
S-Sissy?! D-Do you know who you're talking to?
F-Fine! I'll have a sip, if it helps prove how much of a manly man I am!
Kamogawa Genji
That's the spirit! Hahahahahaha!
Francis York Morgan
You know, Zach, times like these are what gives us the energy to keep going.
A light-hearted talk over a drink or two helps you stay away from that looming darkness.
Francis Zach Morgan
It's a shame that Charles and Richter aren't here for this. We should buy them a drink later to make up for it.
Kamogawa Genji
I think so, too! ...That means you're paying, right?
Francis Zach Morgan
Me? Well, I may need to kill some more alligators to be able to afford it...
Manny Pardo
Looks like you just dug your own grave there, Zach.
Kamogawa Genji
It's not as if I could afford it myself! Hah, already went over the budget for tonight.
But business will be booming soon. Things are looking up!
Susuhara Suzumu
Yeah. With 47 around, it's bound to get more lively than when it was just me!
Agent 47
"Lively"? Don't go implicating me in your homosexual schemes!
Manny Pardo
...
Alright, that's enough for tonight. I'll be going now. Don't wanna get too tipsy.
I need to take care of some very important... business...
Francis Zach Morgan
Business? I didn't take you as the entrepreur type.
Agent 47
Whatever you do, do NOT invest in the stock market! Worst mistake of my life!
...Well, actually it was more like the third worst of this past month, but things just haven't been good overall lately so...
Francis York Morgan
Zach, I believe he means something else with "business".
Now, what exactly could that be? Honestly, I have no idea.
It's dangerous to go out in the night like this, but I doubt Mafia City would strike back this soon, and officer Pardo can handle himself.
So, why don't we go get some sleep? It's our chance to rest up for the night.
Francis Zach Morgan
That's right... I haven't been able to get proper sleep in a while.
I'll take the opportunity to head to bed. Thank you for the drinks tonight. They were an acquired taste.
Kamogawa Genji
Rest well, boy. Tomorrow, I want to see you all training hard again!
Susuhara Suzumu
Maybe we could have a rematch then, Zach?
Francis York Morgan
It seems we have things to look forward to.
Tomorrow is sure to be a good day...

Dante's Ante II[edit | edit source]

  1. Dante is #AllElite
  2. BELTWAY is #AllElite
Iconic Match
  • Game: WWE 2K23
  • Stage: AEW Arena
  • Falls Count Anywhere

Dante Winner

reality literally broke down, it all went haywire, critical sanity reached

logic will never be able to explain what happened here

The End of the Tough Road[edit | edit source]

Chai
...That's it, then... That's the end of the road for me.
Everything started in a flash, and it's gone just as quick.
I guess I have a few things to be thankful for. I had a good time.
But... Agh, Man! This just sucks!
It feels like there's so much more I could've done!
Or... Was there?
Kyle Hyde
No, you're right about that. There was. In fact, there IS.
Chai
Mr. Hyde...
Kyle Hyde
Thought you could sneak out without saying goodbye?
After a match like that, there's no way I wouldn't wanna talk to you.
Chai
Listen, I know it sucked. You don't need to tell me.
Not like it matters anyway. This was my shot at stardom and I blew it.
Once a loser, always a loser, I guess.
Kyle Hyde
That's not like you at all. What happened to the "Rockstar of Wrestling"?
Chai
Hahahah, what a load of crap that was.
Truth is, I don't even know what being a "rockstar" entails at all!
I mean, I guess you'd expect them to at least know how to play a guitar or something... I've never even done that!
I was just trying to hype myself up on empty promises.
Kyle Hyde
That's... Unexpectedly mature of you.
When did you learn how to recognize and admit your own flaws?
Chai
Tough Enough was quite the humbling experience. Can't say it didn't teach me a thing or two.
And getting to fight you, too... Shame it's all going to waste.
Kyle Hyde
...

Kyle Hyde
You know... I never got to ask, but it's been bugging me. Why are you still dressed like that?
I mean, I'm sure you've been getting paid handsomely since coming back. Or at least well enough to make ends meet.
Phoenix Wright
Hah, I wish. But yeah, you're right, it has nothing to do with money.
It sure beats wrestling in a suit, though. Don't know why some people still insist on that.
I guess they think it's a good look and that it'll get them noticed. To be fair, I once thought the same.
But anyways, the whole hobo gimmick... I've kept it as a request of the boss.
Kyle Hyde
The boss? You mean Sminem?
Phoenix Wright
Yeah. It also helps remind me of when I lost everything. Not only my career, but the chance to be part of what I'm the most passionate about.
And of the man who extended his hand to me when that happened...
You know, Kyle, sometimes all you need is someone to look out for you.
I had nothing. I was done. I had wasted my only shot at stardom.
But... Thanks to him, I didn't spend the rest of my days in the ditches.
That's when I learned... As long as someone is willing to catch you when you fall, things are gonna be fine.
Kyle Hyde
I wonder about that...

Kyle Hyde
Nothing's going to waste!
Chai... Once that bell rang, I could already see the difference.
The naive, cocky kid I interviewed a few months ago had changed.
And as far as that match goes?
It didn't suck. In fact, it was one of the best matches I've ever had!
Hell, you even got me down for the 3 count. Heh, hope we can run it back sometime.
Chai
It... Didn't suck?
Come on, you had pity on me. No need to lie.
Kyle Hyde
It's the truth. And you beat me fair and square.
I'll be damned if I let someone like you throw their career away because of one setback!
Chai
Mr. Hyde...
Kyle Hyde
I'll help you establish yourself. I can't let that talent be squandered.
We might've gotten paired together quite unexpectedly, but one way or the other, you're part of my legacy now.
Chai
So... You wanna be my agent or something?
Kyle Hyde
Nothing too formal. But I'll make sure you have a path to follow.
You do have the makings of a future rockstar after all.
Chai
Mr... Kyle...
I never thought I'd hear you say that...
Kyle Hyde
What about it?
Life is full of surprises, after all.