S0E2

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Hoy There & Leon's Crashu Imitation[edit | edit source]

Extra
Dammit, dammit, dammit! How could they just get away like this?!
Security
It's your fault and you know it.
How could you just turn your back on them like that?
Besides, if you needed to call anyone... I was around the entire time!
You know Guillermo and Joe are busy around this hour.
They, uh, have their appointments with Kevin...
Extra
I know! But I was just so excited that everything went right and-
Security
No excuses. Next time I'll tell the boss about it!
Extra
NOT JUZO!
Red
Hmmmm, it seems like he's feeling down, huh?
Might be the perfect time to cheer him up!
Hey Treeeeeeeeee~~
Extra
Wassup?
Red
Haha, nothing much, y'know~?
Extra
Why are you talking like a teen? Don't you realize you're-
Red
Why don't you shut the hell up?
Extra
Well, that was a hell of an 180.
Either way, I'm pretty bummed. I thought I was about to get a promotion, too.
Red
Well, hmmm, if you're sad, I think I know exactly what we could do!
You see, my schedule is free tonight, and I'm off work!
I was thinking that maybe we could-
Walter
HOY!
It has come to my ears that you might enjoy the ancient arts known as Gachimuchi, am I wrong?
Extra
Oh? Yeah! In fact, I love it!
Red
Are you kidding me?
Extra
I've dreamed of visiting Van's dungeon for years!
Walter
Well, lucky stars may just be smiling upon you!
There's an audition going on at a big club nearby!
Red
I have plans with Tre!
Walter
If you would accompany me, there's a chance you'll end up as the next Gachimuchi star!
Extra
Man, whoever you are... I'm not even gonna think twice about it! I'm in!
Red
SERIOUSLY?!!
Extra
Starring in one of those movies... That's a lifelong dream!
Walter
We shall get going posthaste, then.
Extra
Of course!
Red
...
WHY WERE THEY IGNORING ME?!
W-Who was that guy, even? Why did he have to show up NOW?
Gachimuchi? A club nearby? Come on!

Fred
Leon! You can slow down now! We already lost them!
Leon
YOU CAN NEVER BE SO SURE, OKAY?
B-BESIDES, I CAN DRIVE JUST FINE! WE DON'T HAVE ANY TIME TO LOSE!
Fred
Let me take over! I'm telling you! I'm fine now!
You're drunk. If you keep going...
We'll either crash or the cops will get to us!
Leon
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, FRED!
Cop
Sir? May I know what happened there?
Leon
I-UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S... UH...
Cop
Nevermind, sir. Please close your mouth.
...And come with me.
Fred
GOD DAMMIT LEON!

Midcarder's Last Push[edit | edit source]

Wright
My first big opportunity, and I screw it up.
How great...
What is there for me now? Where does my career go from here?
Vitalik
Nowhere, Wright. Nowhere.
You had your chance, and you sure gave your best out there, but...
Seems like the only thing you proved is that you're a B+ player.
I simply don't think you have what it takes to make it in this business.
Wright
...
Vitalik
So you'll be going back to the midcard for a long, long time.
Hell, you might never leave it for all we know.
Such a shame... And I thought you had potential, too!
Wright
...Can you stop rubbing it in?
Vitalik
Maybe if you stop choking at the big stage.
Wright
You...
Drake
EY, EY! AMIGOS!
DID YOU SEE WHAT THAT GUY WITH THE BIG NOSE DID TO ME?
HE CLEARLY CHEATED TO WIN THE MATCH! NO ES JUSTO!
COME ON, MR. GENERAL MANAGER! I DESERVE ANOTHER CHANCE, DON'T I?
Vitalik
Ahhhh, that's all you midcarders can do, huh?
Beg for chance after chance, and then deliver blunder after blunder.
You never change...
But you know what? I'm feeling charitable today.
And as the good general manager I am, I'm here to give a fair shot for everyone.
Drake, you would do anything to make it in this industry, wouldn't you?
Drake
S-SI! SI SEÑOR!
Vitalik
And Wright here just wants another shot...
Alright, I got it! Next week, you two are gonna face each other.
The stakes are huge here, so make sure to come prepared!
You wouldn't wanna miss it no matter what!
Drake
V-Voy a ganar! Tengo que ganar!
Wright
...My last shot...
I'm sorry for the other guy, but I'm not gonna screw this one up.

Opening Match (For A Title)[edit | edit source]

  1. Dante
  2. Kotomine Kirei
  3. Tazuna Joe
  4. Max Payne
  • For KoJ #1 Contender
  • Fatal-4-Way

Wrestler Elimination Details
Max Payne Kotomine Kirei
Winner Max Payne

A Comrade's Dispute To Settle[edit | edit source]

[LORE]


  1. Arikado Genya
  2. Mario
  • Singles

Winner Arikado Genya

A Therapy Session[edit | edit source]

Therapist
So, you have constant violent outbursts.
You're a big rebel.
And you have problems with your family.
Overall, seems like a recipe for disaster, really.
Haze
I didn't come here to have you talk shit to me all day, doc.
Although, well, I can't say you're wrong.
But is it really my fault that I'm an asshole?!
...
Yeah, actually, it is. But have you seen the kind of shit I have to deal with?
Therapist
Trust me, Haze. I know you better than anyone else.
But... All that... All that energy! You gotta convert it into something good.
And that's why I'm gonna suggest you this next treatment.
I'm gonna prescribe you...
Wrestling! That's how you can let your rage out in a healthy way!
Haze
Falling on my neck 20 times a week doesn't seem that healthy to me...
Therapist
Listen, you're perfect for the sport! Trust me, I've felt it!
Well, you might need to learn a thing or two about being a safe worker first, though.
Haze
You still didn't get that fucking window fixed?
Therapist
Rough times, Haze. Rough times.
Either way, you're not backing out of this one. I already got a match scheduled for you.
I have my contacts in the industry, you know?
Haze
...And just who am I up against?
Better be some fucking pedo so I can have his brains spray all over the floor!
Therapist
Haze, calm down. It's nothing like that.
Your opponent simply told me "I want to be a stepping stone for his hope!", and I thought he was perfect for the job!
Haze
Stepping stone... More like stepping on shit. He looks like a twig!
Therapist
Not like you're in great shape, either.
Haze
Next time, I'm throwing you head first.
Therapist
...Sorry.

  1. Haze Stratos
  2. Komaeda Nagito
  • Singles

Winner Komaeda Nagito

Ushiromiya's Second Training[edit | edit source]

Kinzo
It seems like you weren't ready yet, were you?
Battler
Aaaah, it's useless! It's all useless!
My Shining Wizard barely fazed him!
A-And... I couldn't even hit my special move!!!
UUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Kinzo
And that's why you need to take a step back now.
A massive one, to boot.
In fact, I'm not even sure you're ready to wrestle...
But I'm gonna give you another chance.
Battler
I-I'm ready, grandfather! I swear it!
I'll make you happy this time around!
Kinzo
You won't.
Battler
Huh?
Kinzo
The only thing that can make me happy...
Is Beatoriche's soft armpits! OOOOOOOOOOOH BEATOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
IF ONLY I COULD MASSAGE YOUR SHOULDERS AGAIN! I WOULD CURSE ALL MY FUTURE GENERATIONS FOR YOU!
...Anyway.
You're not gonna be facing a main eventer this time around.
In fact, we're going way, way down the card.
I'm talking... Midcard at best.
Battler
Going easy on me, huh?
No problem, then. This will be a squash!

  1. Ushiromiya Battler
  2. Mid Show
  • Singles

Winner Mid Show

The Shimano Family[edit | edit source]

Majima
Boss! Look at what I brought home tonight!
I told you I wouldn't have any problem out there.
I didn't manage to win the King of Jobbers title for us, but I got something even better!
The TFR Championship itself! First of its kind!
Shimano
...Majima.
Majima
What is it, boss?
Shimano
You disappoint me.
Majima, orders are absolute in the yakuza.
It seems like you have not learned a thing though.
Majima
S-Shimano... Boss...
Shimano
Hmmmm...
You should have learned from Saejima.
When I tell you to do something, you do it.
But you forgot your real mission this time around.
There is only one requirement for those who are in the Shimano family...
And you're not fulfilling it.
Majima
Boss... Please...
Shimano
You lost your way, Majima.
But don't worry. Those two will help you find what exactly you are missing.
Majima
No... Boss... Don't...
Shimano
I'll see you later, Majima.
And you two, there's a job for you once you're done with him.
Majima
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

A Brand New Tag Championship Match[edit | edit source]

  1. The J.O.B Squad (Gene & Rance)
  2. The Circus (Joker & Hisoka)
  • For TFR Tag-Team Title
  • Tag-Team

Wrestler Elimination Details
Joker Gene Count-Out
Winner The Circus
Notes The previous teams who drawed out were discarded
The titles weren't exchanged

Wright's Last Chance...?[edit | edit source]

Wright did not show up to his entrance and was disqualified by count-out.

  1. Drake Bell
  2. Nobody (Phoenix Wright)
  • Singles

Elimination Details
Phoenix Wright Count-Out
Winner Drake Bell

Eden of Coolsville[edit | edit source]

Extra
...Wow. Look at this! It's amazing!
...
Wait, where did that guy go?
Vergil
Welcome, welcome! To the club known as the Eden of Coolsville!
This is the only place where your desires can be liberated. And I am its manager.
This... Is where true power blooms.
Only the full... exposition of our deepest fantasies can make us achieve our full potential.
Here, we break all barriers.
Here, we give our customers freedom.
All of it, so we can witness full power.
And that's how we have established a partnership with the biggest Gachimuchi producers out there.
It's also why we're holding the recordings and the audition process here!
Extra
Uh, the audiction is in the back, right?
Vergil
Of course not!
Extra
Ah, haha... Couldn't we maybe, like... Rearrange things a bit? I think it would make the performers feel more at ease.
Vergil
Where is your motivation? Afraid of doing it in front of a live crowd?
You're never gonna make it if you're like that.
Extra
I-It's not that! Fine! What's my test, then?
Vergil
You appear to be quite the interesting specimen.
I want to take a look at your power up close...
So, you'll have to prove you're not shcum. Prove you're worthy as my opponent!
Extra
Y-You? Wait a second, I'm not rea-
Vergil
BLAST!

  1. Extra
  2. Vergil
  • Extreme Rules

Elimination Details
Phoenix Wright Count-Out
Winner Extra

Shimano Interception[edit | edit source]

Piers
So, you haven't found him either?
Enrico
Yeah.
Piers
I can't believe our comms just stop working like that...
Do you think it could be sabotage?
Enrico
Yeah.
Piers
That sucks. I came here to grant the Captain's safety!
But I can't do that if I don't even know where he is...
Why... Why does he keep leaving us behind like this?
Enrico
Yeah.
Piers
I know! I know the legend behind him. I know what he's capable of, but still...
Enrico
Yeah.
Piers
Still, I wish I could be useful to him.
...Wait... I think someone is coming our way...
They're not alone, either! What do we do?
Enrico
Yeah.
Piers
Sure! We won't hide, then!
Heavyweight
Now, now, could you be the ones trying to stick their nose where it doesn't belong?
We came here to tell you to drop the matter right now.
Charles
You either do that, or we'll have to teach you how mafia works.
Piers
You! Who are you working for?
The mafia, you say?
Heavyweight
Such a thing shouldn't matter to you.
Charles
What matters is your answer. Are you willing to retreat?
Piers
You two... Are you responsible for this?
Did you sabotage our radio? And where is the Captain? What did you do to him?!
Heavyweight
It seems like you haven't learned your lesson.
Now, what will it be? Should I snatch you away and use you as bait? Hmmmm...
Charles
No matter what we do, we gotta shut them up right now!
Enrico
Yeah.
Piers
Good to know you got my back, Enrico. Let's do this!

  1. The Shimano Family (Heavyweight & Charles)
  2. Piers Nivans & Enrico Marini
  • Tornado-Tag
  • Extreme Rules

Wrestler Elimination Details
Enrico Marino Charles
Winner Team Enrico

Leon & Fred's Hardtime[edit | edit source]

Fred
...This place SUCKS!
Leon
I know, I know. Can you believe they don't allow alcohol in here?
I don't think I can make it through another day.
Fred
Really? THAT'S all you can think about?
Leon
You mean there's something more important than that?
Oh, right... Ada... No...
Fred...
Fred
What's up?
Leon
WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!
Fred
Wow, wow, calm down! And how do you expect us to do that?
Leon
WE JUST NEED TO, OKAY?! AND FAST!
???
Ahhhh... I see what you're talking about here!
Osama
You want to escape this place?
Inshallah, brother!
Fred
The hell was that noise?
Osama
Just one of my little tricks.
There should be quite the big hole for you to escape through right now.
But, my brothers... There is one special condition for you to get out of here.
Leon
A-ANYTHING! ANYTHING FOR ADA!
Osama
You must join me and the Avatars of Allah.
I came to this prison to recruit more members to the jihad. As you know, I can get out whenever I want.
I also have the key to this cell, of course!
Fred
Huh, that's good to know!
Osama
So, you will be joining us in spreading the word of the Quran?
Fred
Nah, it's good to know you did all the hard work for us.
Now I just gotta kick your ass and take the key!
Osama
S-Stop! Such an act is haram! Allah will not be pleased!

  1. Fred Jones
  2. Osama bin Laden
  • Extreme Rules

Winner Fred Jones

Seeking The Dragon[edit | edit source]

Kiryu
Young people nowadays...
Can't believe how much time I'm gonna waste because of that crash.
Hey! Hey, is anyone there?
...Should've expected it to be empty at this time of the night.
???
I finally found you.
Kiryu
Huh? Who are you?
If you're looking for a fight, don't bother. I don't have time for you.
???
Don't worry. I'm not looking for that.
But I am indeed looking for you, Kiryu.
Kiryu
...That's not my name.
???
Oh, is that so? I should go ask Kasai about it again, then.
Kiryu
Kasai?!
???
What? You don't remember him? How could you forget...
Kiryu
Just... Just tell me what you're here for!
And take off that disguise. I want to see your face.
???
I'm afraid I can't do that right now. It would be too risky.
This area is under surveillance by Kasai's biggest enemies.
And they want my head, too, due to my relationship with him.
Kiryu
Who are "they"?
???
The group known as Evolution.
Kiryu
Evolution?!
???
Four of Kasai's biggest enemies, who got together to put an end to the Sonozaki Family.
Kiryu
They want to end Kasai's family? No...
???
And that's why I got in contact with you. You're the only one who can save him.
You didn't forget about what you owe him, did you?
Kiryu
I couldn't ever forget about that.
But... Whatever Kasai is up to now, I shouldn't get involved with it.
We've parted ways a long time ago.
???
So you're just gonna let him die, then?
Kiryu
He needs to fight his own fights. I know he's capable of doing that.
???
You seem to assume their methods are clean and honorable.
They're already here. It seems I'll have to go into hiding.
Kiryu
Trying a sneak attack, huh? You didn't get me this time, though!
You're gonna have to fight like a man now!
Come!

  1. The Dragon Kiryu Kazuma
  2. The Dragon Cesaro
Iconic Match
  • Extreme Rules

Winner Kiryu Kazuma

The S.T.A.R.S Office[edit | edit source]

Chris
WESKEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!
Wesker
CHRIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
C-Could you please spare me a m-moment?
Chris
Your time is up, Wesker!
You're about to tell me everything you know!
That briefcase you got the other day...
How much did you pay the guy in the van for it?
I wonder what purpose it could have? Why would you take it to your office, all by yourself?
You're up to something dirty, aren't you?
Wesker
It's not what it looks like, Chrisssssssss...
Chris
Then show me! Show me what was inside the briefcase!
Wesker
B-Back off! Not even a step closer!
Chris
What are you so afraid of, Wesker?
And just what do you have behind that desk? Why do you refuse to sit up?
Huh? What is this noise?
Are your lackeys here?
Wesker
There's no lackeys! But I'm afraid I know who the owner of those footsteps might be...
You deal with him, Chrissssss!
Chris
W-Wait! Get back here! I'm not finished with you!
Dammit...
Seems like I've got company, huh...
Hey there, big guy! Come at me with all you've got!

Vs. Massive Man[edit | edit source]

  1. Chris Redfield
  2. Massive Man
  • Singles

Winner Massive Man

Ichiban's Dragon Quest[edit | edit source]

Ichiban
Hmmm, let's see what's on part-timehero.com...
"Need toilet paper. Coolsville Arena Bathroom." Nah, I already did too many of those.
"Deliver me one of Ja/ck/'s Bentos." Do you have a death wish?
"DOOR STUCK! DOOR STUCK!". Yeah, but where?
"Beat up the guy who has been joking about me being under 6'0." Might be a bit of an overreaction...
Nothing interesting, huh? Well...
Wait a minute...
"I need a warrior to fight for my kingdom." That sounds like it's right up my alley!
"Come to Sindria for further instructions." You got it.
...This is "Sindria"?
Sinbad
Welcome, welcome to my glorious land!
My name is Sinbad. Yes, THAT Sinbad.
Ichiban
Uhhh... The guy from part-timehero.com?
Sinbad
Yes, yes, of course! But also the great adventurer who has conquered the Seven Seas!
You should be very honored you got to accept my request!
It's an unique opportunity! The chance of a lifetime, to serve under me!
Ichiban
Yeah, it looked fun, actually! Like, you're the King, right?
And you're gonna personally give me a quest... Man, it's like I really am a hero!
Sinbad
You see, this man... The one who summons dragons. He has given me quite a lot of trouble lately.
And that's why I'm assembling a team with the bravest warriors out there to take him down!
Ichiban
L-Like... A party?!
Sinbad
Whatever you wanna call it. The truth is, I could take him on all by myself, of course!
But I need to keep an eye on my kingdom at all times. I can't be the one to take the frontlines.
Ichiban
And that's why you're searching for a warrior that fits the bill...
Wait, you said that guy summons dragons?
Sinbad
That's the way he fights, indeed.
More than that, he has also taken the princess of Sindria so he could have an advantage over me.
I would never back down from such a fight, though. For I am Sinbad, The High King of the Seven Seas!
Ichiban
Maaaaaaaan, this really is just like Dragon Quest!
I'm in! I'm in! Sign me the fuck up!
Sinbad
Now, calm down, will you? We need to undergo preparations.
I also need to teach you about the policies of Sindria, first...
And most importantly... I will school you on my adventures.
I'll go get the books...
Ichiban
The game manual?! Do they come with cheat codes?
Sinbad
...
Ichiban
I can't wait to get started!

BONUS: Chaos[edit | edit source]

  1. Walter
  2. Jack
  • Falls Count Anywhere

Winner Jack KILLS CHAOS

ED2[edit | edit source]

S0R ED2 "To All The Dreamers"