S0E1

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Prologue[edit | edit source]

Leon
I can't believe it's finally happening...
Honestly, I couldn't even sleep last night.
Not like it matters. A few sips of my "life elixir" and I'm as good as new.
I've been waiting so long for this...
Hurting... My heart writhing in agony...
But it will all soon come to an end.
Hmmm... What to pick?
Guess I'm going with this!
TV News
...And tonight, we have the Grand Opening of the pride of Coolsville!
The huge complex, named Coolsville Hills, has finally been completed.
Leon
And I'll put those on...
TV News
As the current president's own pet project, we have also been informed that he will now establish residence there.
With such a huge event, the city's downtown area is already more active than ever!
Leon
Now the finishing touch...
TV News
The economical impact is bound to be just as big as the tower itself.
And with that in mind, more funds have been allocated to guarantee security around Coolsville...
Especially in the surroundings of the president's new home, Coolsville Hills.
Leon
Perfect! I'm sure Ada will love this look!
TV News
We will keep you updated on this big event throughout the night.
Leon
Man, I'm glad I don't have to deal with those old farts anymore.
First, there was president Graham and his daughter...
I mean, come on, she dared ask me for sex without even being Asian!
And then Benford... He was a great guy... But I had to put him down...
...I sure didn't have any luck with my past bosses.
At least the wrestling business has been treating me well.
Shit, not much time to waste here. I can't be late today, no matter what!
Well, it's time to go to work!
I've been waiting for this ever since that day...

Leon
What... was that?
Fred
Just how long were we out there for?
Leon
Over sixty... Jesus, I seriously need to rehydrate. Gonna drown in apple juice tonight.
Fred
...You know, this rivalry of ours has been going on for a while now...
But, I don't think there were any losers out there tonight.
Both of us, and the crowd... I think we all won.
Leon
Heh, you mocking me or what?
We were at each other's throats until a few minutes ago.
Fred
No, Leon. It's just that, to be frank, I'm starting to see things in a different light here.
Honestly, we might not get along too well, but...
I think your wrestling ROCKS!
Leon
HUH? Where did that come from?
Fred
Sorry, I kind of went overboard there.
Leon
Well, thanks... All that government training had to be useful for something.
But where did you learn all those suplexes? You could hit one no matter how I came at you!
I'm pretty good with those myself, but you're on a whole other level!
Fred
I actually have to thank living in Coolsville for that. This place taught me a few things, for better or for worse.
Leon
...You don't seem pissed off anymore.
Fred
And neither do you. I think we left all our bad feelings for each other in that ring.
Leon
Yeah. Whoever got to watch that live sure is lucky!
Fred
Definitely. So...
Leon
...?
Fred
...
...Forget it.
I was just thinking... We had some real chemistry in there...
Leon
Wanna be my tag team partner?
Fred
And maybe we could put that to- wait, what?
Leon
I could see where you were going, and I was planning on making the offer myself anyway.
I... Actually need help with something very important. And you're probably gonna be the best person for the job, judging from what I just saw.
Fred
Trying to use me for your government schemes?
Leon
It's nothing like that. I'll tell you all about it later.
I really gotta go for a sip now, though. You probably need to eat, too. Wanna go together? I know a good place.
Fred
You know, you're like a different person when you're sober...
Leon
Yeah, I know, it feels terrible!
Fred
No, I mean... I think you should stop drinking so often.
Leon
We've been partners for a minute and you're already trying to boss me around?
Fred
Look who's talking! Whatever, let's get moving!

Leon
I can still remember when I told him about it, too...

Fred! Hey, Fred! Come on out!
Listen, you wanted to know what I was gonna ask for, right?
Fred
Leon, it's 6AM. Did you forget we went back home at 4 yesterday?
Wait... Did you even go home? Your breath stinks!
Leon
No, no, listen here! I j-just went for a q-quick stroll, okay?
So, my phone has been going off nonstop! I think its close by!
Fred
You want my help to rob an armored car or something? Is it some kind of treasure?
Leon
Oh, it's a treasure alright! My treasure...
Fred
Leon, I'm not a criminal. Besides, weren't you with the government?
Leon
I-I told you to listen! It's... It's Ada, alright?
I... I put a GPS on her the last time we met...
Fred
Oh... I see...
Back to sleep I go!
Leon
FRED! COME ON, MAN!
We're partners now... Did you forget?
Fred
The man I became partners with didn't smell like rat piss mixed with cheap Vodka!
Leon
BUUUUUT FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!
Fred
...Alright, Alright! It's not like you're gonna let me sleep if I say no anyway!
Consider it a thanks for the good match. But don't push your luck! I don't wanna have to beat you up again!
Leon
YEAH! Fred, you're the best, buddy! I owe you one, pal!
Fred
...Whatever you say...

Leon
...I'm finally here.
Tonight, our road trip begins...
According to my phone, Ada was last spotted in a place not far away from here.
With the new bullshit laws against drunk driving and the enforcement of security around Coolsville, I need Fred to drive me around.
It sure is inconvenient, but I won't lie, it feels good to have someone to share the road with...
I've... I've been so lonely since Ada left...
Mmmghh! No time to think about that kind of stuff now!
I can at least be happy I got here right on time!
Now, let me see... I just gotta wait until the show is over! Seven more hours to go!

Season 0 Opening

Opening Match[edit | edit source]

  1. Big Smoke
  2. Bane
  3. JC Denton
  4. Boomer
  5. Seeker
  • Elimination

Wrestler Elimination Details
Big Smoke Seeker
Big Smoke Bane
JC Denton Big Smoke
Boomer JC Denton
Winner Boomer

Drake's NFTs[edit | edit source]

Drake
Hey, wanna take a look at my NFTs?
Here, they're on OpenSea, you can take a look and-
Janny
Can I eat that?
Drake
No...
Janny
Then I don't care.
Drake
W-What about you? You wanna trade?
Geralt
...Desperation. Gotta be.
Drake
I'm not desperate!
Hey, amigo, how about you?!
Wanna buy some of my good stuff?
Brendan
I... Don't have any money...
Sorry...
Drake
...
...I-I'm sorry too...
Mierda, this isn't working. What a bummer.
Well, not much to worry about, though. I found an expired burger on a Disneyland bench.
Gonna be eating like un Rey tonight!
Mastema
There you are.
Drake
Hmmm?
Mastema
Could you be the one... Seeking expertise in the art of trading?
Drake
Hola, señor! Are you interested in my NFTs?
I've got some really high-quality art! You can't find it anywhere else!
Mastema
You truly are clueless.
I believe you misunderstand something.
A paltry human as you shall own no art, or any property on this Earth. For you are not one of God's chosen.
Only God's chosen people can possess such a thing as financial resources.
Drake
I... Don't think I get what you're saying?
Mastema
Then I shall teach you that much in the ring. Allow us to begin.

  1. Mastema
  2. Drake Bell
  • Singles

Winner Mastema

Redfield Squad Deployment[edit | edit source]

Chris
This is Alpha. I've arrived at my designated location. What's the status?
Is everything okay?
Radio Voice #1
Yeah.
Radio Voice #2
For sure, Captain. And be careful!
Radio Voice #3
...
Chris
Seems like one of us has gone silent. I repeat, is everyone in position?
Radio Voice #1
Yeah.
Radio Voice #2
I'm ready to go, sir.
Radio Voice #3
...
Chris
Shit, something might be wrong with one of our devices.
We need to get it fixed, but...
I've got eyes on suspicious activity on the arena parking lot!
I'll go on and investigate. Reporting back shortly.
Wesker, huh? Knew he would be involved with this...
...He's already leaving? With a briefcase?
That's probably my mission objective!
Just what did he do inside that van?
I'll go ask the driver!
Excuse me, sir. Do you have a moment?
Dan
Nope! You saw nothing! I've got nothing! I'm innocent!
Chris
Sir, I came to ask you about your deal with-
Dan
So we're settling this right here and now!
Chris
...Didn't expect things to get violent so quickly.
Alright, if this is what I have to do for you to spit it out... Let's go!

  1. Chris Redfield
  2. Dan Schneider
  • Falls Count Anywhere

Winner Chris Redfield

Chris
I got you now. Nowhere to run.
Dan
D-Dammit! I'm telling you! I know nothing!
Chris
Yeah, sure, sure. We'll see about that later.
What I'm really interested on, though, is where did that guy that dealt with you now went.
I want what's in that briefcase of his. Now speak up.
Dan
H-Him? Yeah! He's the one to blame for all of this!
He said something about going back to his office! That's probably where you'll find him!
Chris
Got it. Was it that hard to just tell me that?
Dan
I t-thought that you...
Chris
If you were in possession of that before, it matters not to me. What matters is where it is now.
Now scram.
Alright... Wesker's office...

Gay Cowboys[edit | edit source]

Dutch
Arthur! Just one more match, and we get them!
The tag team championships, they're right in front of us! Can you believe it?
We've been trainin' for this ever since those long nights with Micah, Javier and the boys at the camp...
Those long, hot summer nights. We had that one makeshift ring we stole from right under the Pinkertons' noses...
When the women were sleepin', we'd take off our clothes and wrestle alllll night long!
I remember John going pretty rough on you, too, boy!
Arthur
Yeah, yeah, Dutch. Enough about that.
It's gettin' kinda embarassin'...
Aniki
Hey, I get what you're talking about!
Me and Ricardo here have done a lot of that. Undressing, wrestling late in the night...
And then it would get really hot, too!
Ricardo
Don't you forget the oil!
You always gotta lube yourself up, otherwise it just doesn't work!
Arthur
Heh, oil? For wrestling?
Nah, things just didn't work like that back there.
We went in raw. All the sand and dirt coverin' us.
Aniki
Oh man, you gotta try it sometime! It feels great!
Alright, I got it! If we win this one, you're coming with us!
We're gonna induct you into our line of work. You seem like a perfect fit.
Ricardo
Not too sure about the older guy, though.
Dutch
Hey, show me some respect! I was the one who taught Arthur all he knows in the first place!
Arthur
Relax, Dutch. They bear no ill will.
We can talk about it later. Is there any money to be made?
Aniki
There sure is. Our friend Van bought a farm with the cash, even!
Dutch
A farm? In Tahiti? To plant Mangoes?
Arthur, we need to see this for ourselves!
Arthur
I don't know, Dutch. You're mumbling again. They didn't mention Tahiti or whatever the hell at all.
Dutch
Arthur! Don't you get it? We beat them, and then we rob their workplace!
We just gotta do that one last score, and we'll be off the radar!
Arthur
Sure, Dutch. Sure...

  1. The Old Guard
  2. The Butterflies
  • Tag-Team

Winner The Butterflies (DQ)

Ushiromiya's First Wrestling Training[edit | edit source]

Battler
So, what do you have prepared for me, grandfather? I'm all pumped up already!
Kinzo
You should calm down, Battler. Although this is only training, it'll be your first real match in that ring!
I'm happy to see the Ushiromiya family wrestling legacy will live on!
Battler
Ihihihihi! I can't wait! I can already imagine how it'll go when I make it BIG!
Coming out to a rowdy crowd! My theme song blasting through the speakers!
Aaaand... I can feel it... Fondling the breasts of every fan of mine during autograph signings! Ihihihihihihi!
Kinzo
That's not the reason you should strive to be a wrestler!
Besides, weren't you doing it for Ange?
Although...
I would certainly give it my all in wrestling again if I got to touch Beatoriche's soft tummy one more time!
OOOOOOOOH BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I WOULD GIVE UP ALL MY CAREER ACCOLADES IF IT MEANT I COULD SMELL YOU AGAIN!!!
Battler
Hey! You're the one acting all weird now!
Kinzo
Uh, ahem... Right, your training...
Genji got in contact with one of Japan's best workers.
I paid him well enough, so he's willing to come by and give you a little taste of what a real wrestler is capable of!
Battler
And just how much did he ask for?
Kinzo
500 balloons.
Battler
B-Balloons?
Kinzo
Anyway, make the most out of this opportunity, Battler!
Neither him or I will go easy on you!
Battler
Hmmm? I wonder who that is...
Alright, watch me, grandfather!

  1. Ushiromiya Battler
  2. Okada Kazuchika
  • Singles

Winner Okada Kazuchika

Substory #86 - The Double Crash[edit | edit source]

Kiryu
(A passenger on the mountain pass, huh...)
(Never thought I'd come this far on a drive.)
(...?)
(What's that on my rear view mirror?)
(A... Red Civic?)
(What is he-)

Kiryu
Hey! What were you thinking just now?!
Shingo
Huh? What do you mean? We were racing, weren't we?
I heard you were the fastest in Fukuoka or whatever the hell.
So I came over to prove to you the Myogi Night Kids are the best around!
Kiryu
...Racing? You call crashing straight into the side of my car "racing"?
This could've gone very badly!
Shingo
Well, you see... That's just my "double crash" technique!
A sure way to end the race!
Kiryu
...I didn't even know it had begun in the first place!
But I think you need to be taught a lesson. You can't just go putting others's lives at risk like that!
Shingo
You wanna go, old man? Alright, I'll be sure to come out as the winner of this one, at least!
Kiryu
Let's get done with this fast. I need to get my car repaired...

  1. Shoji Shingo
  2. Kiryu Kazuma
  • Singles

Winner Kiryu Kazuma

The Dungeon Ring[edit | edit source]

  1. Van Darkholme
  2. Chad
  • No-DQ

Winner Chad

Match takes place in Van's Dungeon.

Chamber Announcement[edit | edit source]

Announcer
Next up, we have an Elimination Chamber match!
This one will be for the King of Jobbers championship!
Six of our strongest will be put together inside that unforgiving structure...
But only one of them shall walk away with the belt!
They all had something to say to our cameras before this match. Let's take a look!
Kirei
Rejoice, audience, for you will witness a real champion for the first time in your lives tonight.
And once I walk out of the Chamber victorious, I plan to walk straight into the Royal Rumble later on...
I will certainly possess both of your precious singles titles by the time the night ends.
And soon enough, all of this company's championships will be in my hands!
Komaeda
Hahahah! I'm so happy!
To think that someone like me would get to share the ring with so many talented individuals at once!
I wish for them to use me as a stepping stone for their hope!
Geralt
Mmmhhmm... I just wanna get done with it, really.
Got a few Drowners™ to take care of back home.
That said, I wonder how many crowns being a "King Of Jobbers" will get me...
Joker
This is it! This is finally it!
Once I win that title, society will finally respect me! They will boooow down to me!
But I won't give them what they want! Not until they finally stop looking down on us!
Gaaaamers, a golden age is approaching!
Majima
Kyahahahaha! Do any of those guys really think they can kiss my toe in that ring?
Come on now! I was expectin' a bit of a thrill at least! The kind of emotion Kiryu-chan would put me through!
Those punks couldn't touch me on their best day!
Makoto
...
I don't care.
Announcer
A-As you can see, t-they're all very excited to compete for such a prestigious championship!
We will, uh, be getting started... Right now!

ELIMINATION CHAMBER[edit | edit source]

  1. Geralt of Rivia (#6)
  2. Komaeda Nagito (#3)
  3. Joker (#4)
  4. Yuki Makoto (#5)
  5. Kotomine Kirei (#1)
  6. Majima Goro (#2)
  • For King of Jobbers Title
  • Elimination Chamber

Wrestler Elimination Details
Kotomine Kirei Majima Goro
Joker
Geralt of Rivia Komaeda Nagito
Yuki Makoto
Geralt of Rivia Kotomine Kirei
Winner Geralt of Rivia

The First Contendership[edit | edit source]

Wright
That's it! Tonight is my big break!
My chance at stardom. With this match, I'll become the #1 Contender.
And then just one more step, and I'll be the champion.
As long as I make sure it all goes wright, nothing will get in my way.
Vitalik
What's up, Wright?
Looking to be in good shape, huh?
Wright
Oh, Mr. General Manager!
Best shape of my life, really.
Vitalik
Good, good. Take care out there.
Wouldn't want one of our biggest future prospects to get in trouble after all.
Oh, seems like your opponent wants to have a word with you. I'll leave you to it.
Wright
See you!
Pegasus
Well, well, well. Look where life led us.
For you to have a potential title contendership this early on your career.
It is truly an achievement worthy of praise.
Wright
I'm not looking for praise, Pegasus. But thanks.
Pegasus
Then... What could you be looking for?
Have you ever asked yourself that question?
Who are you fighting for, Wrighty-boy?
I know what's in my heart, and I have a pretty good idea of what's in yours, too.
Will you really be able to overcome my will, if it's stronger than yours?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get myself ready for our bout. Let's play the game!
Wright
...This guy...
Fighting for someone, huh...

  1. Phoenix Wright
  2. Maximillion Pegasus
  • For /v/ Title #1 Contendership
  • Singles

Winner Maximillion Pegasus

An Unlucky Matchup[edit | edit source]

Bevi
*chew*
So... You're the one I'm going to face tonight?
I've been informed of your impressive record.
HUNK
Mmmmmm, you dare walk into the Grim Reaper's den?
I was undergoing preparations for our clash, still you thought it would be a good idea to interrupt it?
Your soul will pay the price for that... And mmmmmmy work doesn't come for cheap.
Bevi
Heh, if you're taking our matchup this seriously, then I'm quite lucky, ain't I?
I'll get to beat the notorious "Umbrella Badass" at his best!
HUNK
Mmmmm, what did you just say, boy?
You think you stand a single chance?
I'll let you know I graduated top of my class at the Military Training Center on Rockfort Island!
Bevi
And I'll let you know I'm not a "boy". Rather, I have over 3000 confirmed titan kills, and have been involved in innumerous attacks on titans™.
They say you're a "monster"... But I'm not afraid of monsters.
Because I'm willing to become one myself if it means defeating you. *chew*
HUNK
I like your attitude, boy, but you ought to be taught some goddamn respect!
Good thing lessons tonight are at a discount. Five pure strikes a minute.
Bevi
You'll see I can back it all up in that ring... Don't you worry.
HUNK
Mmmmm I'll be looking forward to it...
But let it be known I'll extract out of the arena with another win on my record tonight.
Bevi
Heh, we will see about that...
Rean
Haha... Guys? Did you forget it's a triple threat match?
Maybe their age is getting to them... HUNK didn't seem to remember he already lost plenty a few months ago... Haha...
Then again, he did go on a 6000-something win streak before that...
But that talk about "lessons" just now reminds me... I was supposed to be teaching a few things to the BCW roster, right?
Shame they went under. I was looking forward to headpatting that girl with horns!
Well, I'm sure she'll come around, haha...
I need to take it one match at a time, though! I wanna challenge for Battler's /v/ Championship soon! Haha...

  1. HUNK
  2. Bevi
  3. Rean Schwarzer
  • Triple-Threat

Wrestler Elimination Details
HUNK Rean Schwarzer
Winner HUNK

ROYAL RUMBLE[edit | edit source]

The First (Royal) Rumble

  1. Raiden (MG)
  2. Geralt of Rivia
  3. Gene
  4. Mastema
  5. Brendan Fraser
  6. Gold
  7. Date Kaname
  8. Rance
  9. Adam Jensen
  10. HUNK
  11. Zoomer
  12. Aniki
  13. Central
  14. Bevi
  15. Phoenix Wright
  16. Doctor Piccolo
  17. Nero
  18. Rean Schwarzer
  19. Mario
  20. Fred Jones
  21. Robert
  22. Ushiromiya Kinzo
  23. Kotomine Kirei
  24. Sakakura Juzo
  25. Komaeda Nagito
  26. Senator Armstrong
  27. Majima Goro
  28. Max Payne
  29. Dante
  30. Serge
  • Championship: TFR Title
  • Royal Rumble

Wrestler Elimination
Mastema Geralt of Rivia
Brendan Fraser
Gold Date Kaname
Mastema Raiden
Gene
Adam Jensen Gold
Rance Mastema
Adam Jensen Bevi
Zoomer
Central Aniki
Rance
HUNK
Adam Jensen
Central Rean Schwarzer
Doctor Piccolo Phoenix Wright
Robert
Mario Doctor Piccolo
Central
Sakakura Juzo nero
Mario Komaeda Nagito
Fred Jones Ushiromiya Kinzo
Senator Armstrong Sakakura Juzo
Mario Max Payne
Senator Armstrong Fred Jones
Dante Kotomine Kirei
Senator Armstrong Dante
Serge
Majima Goro Mario
Senator Armstrong
Winner Majima Goro

Vs. Feeble Man[edit | edit source]

Leon
YOU ARE MY EVERLASTING... MEMORYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...
Fred
Leon? Leon... Are you singing?
Leon
Oh? I was just finding ways to pass the time.
It came up on the radio, and it reminded me of Ada, so...
Fred
Riiight... And how long have you been here for?
Leon
Like... Seven hours? Maybe a bit more, or a bit less.
Fred
Alrig- Wait, seven hours? Why?
I told you we were going out after the show was over.
Leon
I COULDN'T MISS IT, OKAY?! IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF MY LIFE!
Fred
...
Extra
E-Excuse me, sir?
You've been loitering at the parking lot for the last seven hours.
I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to come with me. We, uh, need a few explanations.
S-Some of our staff seem to think you might have been trying to break into a car or that you're up to something shady...
Fred
Hey... Didn't I cross paths with you earlier today backstage?
You were sitting in a corner, hands on your head.
You had a look of fear in your face. Like you were conflicted and afraid over something.
Extra
U-Uh, couldn't have b-been me, sir! I always do my job w-without any setbacks or problems!
Fred
Hm? I was pretty sure that was you, though... Why did you take until now to approach the guy you say was "loitering" for so long, then?
Extra
I, uhhh... Come on! You have no right to be questioning arena security right now!
I-I'm taking you with me, e-even if I have to use force!
Fred
Leon, let's take care of him. Gonna make for a nice goodbye gift before we're off.
...Leon?
What are you doing hiding behind that car?
Leon
I-I can't risk getting my suit dirty! I got all dressed up specially for Ada!
Fred
...Well, good thing he's such a frail little guy, then. I can take him on even if I'm a bit gassed after tonight's show.
Extra
H-Hey, who are you calling frail?!
You'll s-see what s security guard is really capable of!

  1. Fred Jones
  2. Feeble Man
  • Singles

Winner Feeble Man

Fred
Ouch... Guess that rumble earlier took a lot out of me...
Extra
Need backup! Joe? Joe, can you hear me?
C-Come on in, I've got them cornered at the parking lot!
Bring Guillermo too. It's not like you two are doing anything, r-right?!
Fred
C-Cornered? Dammit... By this guy?
Leon
FRED! THE DUMBASS TURNED AROUND TO CALL FOR BACKUP!
GET IN ALREADY!
Fred
H-Huh? But... You can't drive! You're drunk! Things are gonna get even worse for us if they-
Leon
JUST GET IN, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT LATER!
Fred
Alright, I'm coming, I'm coming!
Leon
FASTER! HE MIGHT BE FEEBLE AND SLOW, BUT HE'LL STILL CATCH UP TO YOU IF YOU KEEP IT LIKE THAT!
Fred
I can go on the back! Let's get out of here!
Leon
AAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAA, I'M COMING!

ED01[edit | edit source]

Season 0 Remake ED