Rumble Premier League

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Once every century when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius, timelines have a chance to crash into each other for a special phenomenon known as the "The Munich Event" where they are all forced to partake in a tournament to determine which timeline is worthy of the Universal Rumble Cup.

This tournament is played via the sport known as Football/Footie/Soccer (often said by illiterate dipshit yankees) and each timeline must selects twenty three worthy champions to be copy and pasted into the body of a divegrass player for the noble cause of their timeline's team duking it out against each other for fortune and glory.

Seasons[edit | edit source]

Season 1
Taking place from May to December, RPL took the better part of a year in the first rumble semen slurping sport tournament.
Season 2
Taking place in October to December 2022, it switched to a new, less time-consuming format and new version of PES.
Season 3
Returning to an older version of PES because the new one sucked fucking dick, RPL is back better than ever on OCT 09 NOV 17.
Season 4
Taking place in Fall 2024, but this time, with Epstein as the Commissioner of RPL.

Teams[edit | edit source]

AOVersus[edit | edit source]

The unfortunate if not downright KWAB'd hosts of the tournament.

Their team consists mostly of detectives, lawyers, cops and other assortment of investigators.

May or may not actually be brazillian with their 7-1 badge they got.

However their fortunes have been on the rise as of the second half of the 2021 season.

Yet despite being the "beloved" host and running an actual 4cc team to surprising success, they keep proving "we can't even rig" to be a tested and true statement as they end up being bottom of the barrel no matter how much they attempt to rise up.









The Final Rumble[edit | edit source]

The originals.

This team is a combination of TFR wrestlers and former wrestlers of the now defunct league known as BCW who have been left out of a job.

They are well known for creating elaborate strategies to achieve their victories with mixed results (as shown by the 7-1 they got due to G1 in week 3 of the 2021 season). Despite difficulties, they have been able to achieve major victories with their 'tactics'.

Since BCW's revival thanks to a millionaire friend of the Bogdanoffs who won the first season, BCW now has taken a portion of TFR's roster, and had to fill the spots with whatever they could find.

TFR was so bad, they ended up winning the inaugural Garbage Bowl after the 2022 Season ended.

And now that BCW turned into AEW for the 2023 season, TFR has been downright syphoned of several emblematic players such as the embodiment of jobbing and victory, Battler himself.

Made a surprise recovery from it's mega-jobber status in later weeks of that season, getting some tough wins and draws.

Bogdanoff Championship Wrestling[edit | edit source]

A team founded by the powerful men who hold an iron but fair fist over both crypto and football globally.

The team is formed by the BCW stars that TFR wouldn't hire, plus some that were exchanged from TFR with some shady crypto deals.

BCW revived for the 2022 season and, much like in wrestling, was clearly the superior brand as it left TFR in the dust by being first of its group while the other was the very bottom.

In the end, it still fell prey to jewish tricks all the same.

For the 2023 season, The Bogdanoffs have decided to walk away with their profits and sold the team to Amakusa Juuza...

Amakusa Elite Wrestling[edit | edit source]

The rebranded BCW team, AEW takes a different approach by believing they can push ANY player to stardom, no matter how low on the list they are. They are also made up of former TFR players that they stole with better contracts.

Be prepared, for it is said Amakusa always has a bone chilling, atmosphere-oozing, trope-subverting, genre-redefining, gut-wrenching, spine-tingling, emotionally taxing, paranoia-inducing, jaw-clenching, nerve-wracking, character-development driven, soul-shaking, nail-biting, anxiety-written, kafkaesque, post-lynchian, tarkovskian, kubrickian, tarantinoesque, question-asking, socially-aware, ethnically-diverse, politically-cognisant, culturally relevant, socially-prescient, thought-provoking, artisanally-crafted, philosophically sound, thematically nuanced, dread inducing, post comedy, avant-garde, meta-ironic, anti-humor, post-neo-satire, game-changing, death-defying, completely unprecedented, landscape renovating EARTH-SHATTERING ANNOUNCEMENT at the ready after matches.

Demonstrating its excellence by getting thoroughly destroyed by any team it faced, rumors have begun surfacing about collusion in AEW matches, as demonstrating by going 0-6 against the notoriously money-employing TTA and allowing it to skyrocket even further in its group standing. Or maybe they are just that incompetent.

The Cartel Rumble[edit | edit source]

A team that believes that strategy, friendship, cooperation and brutally beating ten tons of shit out of the ref for any inconvenience caused is the way to victory.

Their leader is the gigachad Manager with his second in command Spigot who unlike most leaders are willing to head into the front lines and bring home the goals needed for the chance to grab hold of the Universal Rumble Cup.

In Week 21, The Cartel Rumble clinched the Runner Up position of the 2021 Season.









Womemes Excluded Wrestling[edit | edit source]

After Manager kept constantly hitting on Tsubasa Oribe (and having sex with her in the middle of the field in front of her best friend), TCR was forced to remove all of the women from their team to prevent another incident like that happening again (and to get Angela to shut the fuck up about getting cucked).

As a favor from Manager, Tsubasa was made captain of the team.

On Week 2 of the 2022 season, Captain Tsubasa! became the first player to get a 9.0 rating, not only scoring 6 goals on her own but also assisting in the rest of the match's goals. Thanks to such power, WEW was allowed to stand victorious as one of the qualified of the group, and advance to the KO stage.

Faced against the evil jews that had been dominating the league with scummy tactics and arcane foreskin-consuming techniques, WEW used to concentrated anti-dimes power of >Womeme matches to defeat the ancient evil of mankind and became the 2022 season champions, and proving the Jewish Menace that their tricks can be defeated.

The Womemes returned in the 2023 season looking to defend their title as they won their group easily. In the Knockout Stage, WEW took on their male counterparts in the form of TCR, and even though the men were more focused in beating up women, WEW won the TCR Bowl. In the Semifinals, WEW had a rematch with the Jews from TTA and were able to defeat them again. WEW took on TWR in an exciting and iconic back-and-forth Finals which resulted in crushing the underdog's hearts in a Penalty Shootout to win their 2nd consecutive RPL Title.










Schizomania[edit | edit source]

A team that is 50% schizophrenia and 50% nostalgia for 2008-2012 Internet culture, Schizomania is a trainwreck waiting to happen.

As the schizophrenia level continues to increase amongst rumblegoes, so does this team's power.











G1 Nonstop Infinite Climax[edit | edit source]

The Men's half of the G1/SSS Club. Pure dimes from the golden age with deep lore and the strongest power of tourneyfaggotry even compared when the brand with tournament in its name.

Though consisting of male perfomers, tends to job to the women's half.

As of Week 14 of the 2021 season, the only team to have been defeated with a dreaded score of 9-2 (KWAB).

G1's strongest source of offense was from Inoki who often scored for G1, but when Inoki ran out of juice and the team couldn't muster an offense, they ended up finishing in dead last.

In the 2022 season, G1 fared way better, generally being slow early and then putting its explosive offence on to make strong comebacks in the latter halves of matches when running against time.



Sunshine Super Stardom[edit | edit source]

The Women's half of the G1/SSS club. About the best roster possible to make using only girls.

Their leader is the dragon idol known as Elizabeth Báthory. Beware >RWBY and CHLOE, the abominations residing within this team.

Just like Third World Rumble, Sunshine Super Stardom started off with a rough 1st half in the 2021 season, which was then followed by a strong 2nd half.

In the finale, Sunshine Super Stardom ended up taking home the Bronze Medal after their comeback win in their final game.

Their 2022 season display, however, took a nosedive as their matches turned out middling with several draws, eventually dropping out of qualifying for the KO stage.









SSSopranos[edit | edit source]

The team backed by the USA italian mafia and composed of the most powerful form of amerigoblin: Italian-American. If you want the gabagool, look no further.

They won the hat pick to win the 2022 season, but just barely did not qualify thanks to their enemies, the jewish mafia.

In 2023, SSSopranos disappointed and were set to be disbanded and whacked at the end of Season 3.

However, they did go out on a whimper instead of a bang by being crowned the 2023 Garbage Bowl Champions.











new World rumble[edit | edit source]

Originally TFR's first pre-show, nWr has now become a team competing in the Rumble Premier League. The word to describe them would be KINO.

It is said many still retain hope the long-awaited "NWR Epilogue".

The rightful rivals to G1 with powerful players such as Agni and Krauss.

Nonetheless, they ended at their bottom of their group in the 2022 season.









The Slow Rumble[edit | edit source]

A team built by the almighty Gilgamesh to obliterate the opposition.

Any and all losses don't count. No matter win or lose, its opponents always losses to the mighty Enkidu who is also on this team.

With the power of 「Delay Embodiment」 by their side, all rumbles kneel eternal.

The only team to have successfully achieved a 9-2 Victory as of week 14 of the 2021 season.

Much like all the hacks that participate within it, it's ranking has improved somewhat in the 2023 season not by exactly being better, but everyone around it being worse.







The Epstein Rumble[edit | edit source]

A team founded by a wealthy billionaire currently hiding out in Canada.

Features the great player named Alex Eggleston (or Eagleston). Arguably has the most formidable forward in the league, Candyman.

The Epstein Rumble officially won the 2021 Rumble Premier League Season in Week 20.

After Epstein's business is exposed, its place is taken over by the most american man to ever american.










The /his/ Colosseum[edit | edit source]

A gathering of the greatest figures of human history of all time, bound together with the express purpose of making it into the football history books as well.

It won the 2022 season's hat pick to spoon the cup.

Then it also won the 2023 season's hat pick to spoon the cup again.

Embodying that the past isn't always worse and can in fact be much better, has been a strong contender in both the 2022 and 2023 seasons, delivering overwhelming defeats to many opponents. One must fear the price of being nice to nuclear ghandi.












American Federation Rumble[edit | edit source]

The rightful successor to TER after it was shut down by the power of AMERICA FUCK YEAH.

Due to lacking the "connections" its predecessor did, it did not fare well in the 2022 season, likely due to being paired with an assortment of salty eurotrash, mentally ill walljumpers, and strong-armed fr*gs, always seeking to denigrate the american spirit.

This has all changed in the 2023 season, giving beings of lesser patriotism than itself a swell asswhooping, and only being "challenged" by a group of bongs, and they didn't even have a loicense to win.










CN Rumble[edit | edit source]

A team consisting of characters exclusive to Cartoon Network, Boomerang, and Adult Swim.

Run with the power of Mexican autism, as CnOP is known as one of the biggest schizos in rumbledom.

The only team so far to have forfeited a match due to a mid-match bet that ended up leaving them kneeling.

After being exposed to the schizo kino when they played against TFR, CnOP went from a contender in the 1st half to a team that didn't care about winning anymore so that they can enjoy the pure shitposting kino even if it meant intentionally losing every remaining game. It also permanently scarred CnOP as he spiraled down the path of insanity and schizophrenia from this point forwards in time.

Thanks to the power of rushed finales and jobbing, CNR fell to the power of idealism.







Salvation Series[edit | edit source]

The successor of CNR after it's tragic conclusion that led to Torres' rise to power.

By this point, CnOP was well on the path of losing all his humanity, having becoming a well known pedophile and zoophile, and having his attention span burned to nonexistence while maintaining still a burningly-passionate-driven approach with 0 focus.

The only team to side with TTA in the 2022 season despite everyone agreeing they were the heel of the league.

Eventually he gave up, and the team has been disbanded and wished future endeavors.







Third World Rumble[edit | edit source]

A new team from the third world shithole known as Italy, well known for their "unique" look among most of the federations thanks to having a budget of €5.

Their manager is well known for having mental breakdowns because his roster loves to derail all of his plans (including trying to win at this tournament apparently).

After an exceptionally rough start to the league, they have been able to achieve a strong winning streak from Week 11 onwards and ended up becoming the best team of the 2nd half of the 2021 season.

However, on the cusp of going all the way from last to a top 3 finish in the 2021 season, Third World Rumble's dreams came crashing down in a tough last minute loss to Sunshine Super Stardom in the finale.

The miracle wasn't able to be replicated in the 2022 season, as despite handing AVR a strong loss that probably sealed their fate on TWR's first match, it remained enhancement talent in its own group.

And yet, when nobody expected anything of it again, it rose up to subvert expectations once again, starting with a draw and delivering increasingly strong victories even against strong opponents.

TWR entered the 2023 season with hopes to redeem themselves and they did so by dominating their group.

In the Knockout Stage, TWR with their great defense took down Schizomania and The /his/ Coliseum and advanced to the Finals.

Just when the Redemption Run was going to be complete, the defending champions, WEW put up a fight in a back-and-forth thriller and crushed TWR's dreams in a Penalties Shootout.





The Tournament Arc[edit | edit source]

A team consisting of modern and classic /a/nime characters. Their federation is currently in a war against /co/mics and cartoons.

Due to a mid-match bet against CNR in the 2021 season, they were able to clutch victory from the jaws of defeat due to the might of JIREN.

Against all odds and with the power of Brock, The Tournament Arc ended up winning the Bonus Tournament in the 2021 Epilogue with a thrilling final against TCR.

However, not satisfied with just that, TTA took a dark path in invoking unholy powers to split itself and win every match due to stupid tactics and bullshit in the 2022 league, which many have theorized to be due to mystical jewish powers that they were able to invoke thanks to consuming baby foreskins.

Their heel ways were so grand that the entire league united against them (save for their subservient golem in SVS), and would probably have won it all if they had not run out of foreskin from their jar. Thanks to the power of anti-dimes (extra semitic damage) invoked by the womemes from WEW, they were defeated and the world was saved from further jewish tricks.

As expected of the semitic menace, it did not learn its lesson no matter how many leagues it is kicked of, and started it's trickery by summoning moloch once again in the 2023 season. By having every match it plays having bad style, being unfun, and plainly antidimes, its ensured victory every time with little drawbacks. As if that wasn't enough, it went as far as to get AEW to lay down and take 6 goals to make its points insurmountable.

The Tournament Ar/co/[edit | edit source]

The group led by Walt Disney in an effort to take over TTA, now decided to beat them in footy as well.

Secretely was further proof of TTA's demonic inclinations, as both finished top of their group in the 2022 season.

They were defeated by WEW as the gatekeeper protecting TTA's path, which would have seen a (very dishonest) TTA-only finals match had they not lost.

As expected of controlled opposition, it did unsurprisingly well again in the 2023 season, but not enough to be a challenge to its master.

Jews never forgetting turns out to be true, as after beating every other team in their group, WEW suffered a massive squash in a disgustingly rigged match at the hands of the (((enemies))) they had defeated in the previous league, obviously a retribution they had begun planned since that very moment.






The Never Ever Job Squad[edit | edit source]

A unique team in that it is not actually a rumble but instead a mixture of each rumbles biggest jobbers combined with a group of characters named 'Never Evers', unlikely to ever get into any rumble.

Instead of being managed by any of the managers, this team is instead managed by the chat, adding a whole new dynamic to the league.
THE WALL

The main tactic of the NEJS, THE WALL is an unorthodox formation born in Week 2 of the RPL. Thanks to this tactic, the NEJS would tie with AOV 4-4, and beat SSS 5-3.

"I KNOW WHAT TO
PAUSE
ALRIGHT THE MIDDLE
MOVE ALL 3 OF THEM FORWARD alright that's it
" ― DragonKing12780, 2021 MAY 22nd

This tactic would be labeled "THE WALL" by chat members, due to the team formation resembling a wall, simple as. Both the broadcasters and the chatroom were reportedly surprised when this tactic would end up garnering a tie, deeming it viable, and to be used again on 2021 MAY 29th, , where THE WALL would allow the NEJS to score 5-3 against SSS.

"I'll be real, I can't believe the tactic worked. I saw that the NEJS was losing, and decided to gamble on the three men going forward to emphasize the offensive. The gamble ended up working, and we tied with AOV instead of losing to the team that got 7-1'd a week back. Now, the NEJS wields the strongest tactic of all; THE WALL." ― DragonKing, discoverer of THE WALL
However, in the middle of the 2nd half, the hosts have stripped power away from chat making the games harder for NEJS.

Near the end of the 2021 Season, the hosts revealed that NEJS would not compete in the 2022 RPL Season unless NEJS won the Cup in the bonus episode. LOL NEJS IS DEAD NOW!

The Fraudhack Rumble[edit | edit source]

A group formed by characters from the notorious Fire Emblem ROMhack Dark Lord and the Maiden of Light and also a few King's Field characters, and managed by the hack's creator.

A strong team despite its sudden and perhaps not-well-known nature, making its debut in the 2022 season.

TFHR instantly sets itself as a fierce challenger in it's debut match, having ZAHHAK score 4 goals against TWR.

Its future matches, however, were quite unlucky, ending at the top of the non-qualifying team yet with a massive difference to the lowest qualified.






Adult Video Rumble[edit | edit source]

A team that is barely known to exist at all.

Beware the power of Schneed and WOWSERS, memetic hazards of the highest category.

Had the lowest performance of any team in the 2022 season, with a -15 Goal Difference, and ranked at the very bottom.

Continues being middling in the 2023 season, save for delivering a strong defeat to TCO, for which it was swiftly punished by the ones controlling the porn industry.








New Millennium Special[edit | edit source]

A special team from the distant town of S. Harteria.

Known to have enough heart to make even the impossible close enough to grasp, and put on any kind of last stand.

Had one of the strongest performances in its debut on the 2022 season.

The tables swiftly turned next season however, as its efforts in its matches proved to be fruitless.









VS Underground[edit | edit source]

The final boss of belt talk, and RPL Season 2 as well. With an all-powerful team consisting of infinite Patches, the Season 2 champion stood no chance against Perd Rumble and was demolished and kicked down a cliff, and can be considered lucky they didn't have clerics on the team.

As a participant in the 2023 season under it's "true name" of VS Underground, the infinite Patches have decided to take a (well-paid) break and let the rest of the VSU stars do their thing.

It's power on the grassfield proved far less suited than in the ring however, as despite its high penchant for tactics, they have scored less goals than almost every other team in the league