Rumble Premier League
Once every century when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius, timelines have a chance to crash into each other for a special phenomenon known as the "The Munich Event" where they are all forced to partake in a tournament to determine which timeline is worthy of the Universal Rumble Cup.
This tournament is played via the sport known as Football/Footie/Soccer (often said by illiterate dipshit yankees) and each timeline must selects twenty three worthy champions to be copy and pasted into the body of a divegrass player for the noble cause of their timeline's team duking it out against each other for fortune and glory.
Seasons[edit | edit source]
- Season 1
- Taking place from May to December, RPL took the better part of a year in the first rumble semen slurping sport tournament.
- Season 2
- Taking place in October to December 2022, it switched to a new, less time-consuming format and new version of PES.
- Season 3
- Returning to an older version of PES because the new one sucked fucking dick, RPL is back better than ever on
OCT 09NOV 17.
Teams[edit | edit source]
The unfortunate if not downright KWAB'd hosts of the tournament.
Their team consists mostly of detectives, lawyers, cops and other assortment of investigators.
May or may not actually be brazillian with their 7-1 badge they got.
However their fortunes have been on the rise as of the second half of the 2021 season.
This team is a combination of TFR wrestlers and former wrestlers of the now defunct league known as BCW who have been left out of a job.
They are well known for creating elaborate strategies to achieve their victories with mixed results (as shown by the 7-1 they got due to G1 in week 3 of the 2021 season). Despite difficulties, they have been able to achieve major victories with their 'tactics'.
Since BCW's revival thanks to a millionaire friend of the Bogdanoffs who won the first season, BCW now has taken a portion of TFR's roster, and had to fill the spots with whatever they could find.
And now that BCW turned into AEW for the 2023 season, TFR has been downright syphoned of several emblematic players such as the embodiment of jobbing and victory, Battler himself.
A team founded by the powerful men who hold an iron but fair fist over both crypto and football globally.
The team is formed by the BCW stars that TFR wouldn't hire, plus some that were exchanged from TFR with some shady crypto deals.
BCW revived for the 2022 season and, much like in wrestling, was clearly the superior brand as it left TFR in the dust by being first of its group while the other was the very bottom.
In the end, it still fell prey to jewish tricks all the same.
For the 2023 season, The Bogdanoffs have decided to walk away with their profits and sold the team to Amakusa Juuza...
The rebranded BCW team, AEW takes a different approach by believing they can push ANY player to stardom, no matter how low on the list they are. They are also made up of former TFR players that they stole with better contracts.
Be prepared, for it is said Amakusa always has a bone chilling, atmosphere-oozing, trope-subverting, genre-redefining, gut-wrenching, spine-tingling, emotionally taxing, paranoia-inducing, jaw-clenching, nerve-wracking, character-development driven, soul-shaking, nail-biting, anxiety-written, kafkaesque, post-lynchian, tarkovskian, kubrickian, tarantinoesque, question-asking, socially-aware, ethnically-diverse, politically-cognisant, culturally relevant, socially-prescient, thought-provoking, artisanally-crafted, philosophically sound, thematically nuanced, dread inducing, post comedy, avant-garde, meta-ironic, anti-humor, post-neo-satire, game-changing, death-defying, completely unprecedented, landscape renovating EARTH-SHATTERING ANNOUNCEMENT at the ready after matches.
A team that believes that strategy, friendship, cooperation and brutally beating ten tons of shit out of the ref for any inconvenience caused is the way to victory.
Their leader is the gigachad Manager with his second in command Spigot who unlike most leaders are willing to head into the front lines and bring home the goals needed for the chance to grab hold of the Universal Rumble Cup.
In Week 21, The Cartel Rumble clinched the Runner Up position of the 2021 Season.
Womemes Excluded Wrestling[edit | edit source]After Manager kept constantly hitting on Tsubasa Oribe (and having sex with her in the middle of the field in front of her best friend), TCR was forced to remove all of the women from their team to prevent another incident like that happening again (and to get Angela to shut the fuck up about getting cucked).
As a favor from Manager, Tsubasa was made captain of the team.
On Week 2 of the 2022 season, Captain Tsubasa! became the first player to get a 9.0 rating, not only scoring 6 goals on her own but also assisting in the rest of the match's goals. Thanks to such power, WEW was allowed to stand victorious as one of the qualified of the group, and advance to the KO stage.
Faced against the evil jews that had been dominating the league with scummy tactics and arcane foreskin-consuming techniques, WEW used to concentrated anti-dimes power of >Womeme matches to defeat the ancient evil of mankind and became the 2022 season champions, and proving the Jewish Menace that their tricks can be defeated.
Schizomania[edit | edit source]A team that is 50% schizophrenia and 50% nostalgia for 2008-2012 Internet culture, Schizomania is a trainwreck waiting to happen.
The Men's half of the G1/SSS Club. Pure dimes from the golden age with deep lore and the strongest power of tourneyfaggotry even compared when the brand with tournament in its name.
Though consisting of male perfomers, tends to job to the women's half.
As of Week 14 of the 2021 season, the only team to have been defeated with a dreaded score of 9-2 (KWAB).
G1's strongest source of offense was from Inoki who often scored for G1, but when Inoki ran out of juice and the team couldn't muster an offense, they ended up finishing in dead last.
In the 2022 season, G1 fared way better, generally being slow early and then putting its explosive offence on to make strong comebacks in the latter halves of matches when running against time.
The Women's half of the G1/SSS club. About the best roster possible to make using only girls.
Just like Third World Rumble, Sunshine Super Stardom started off with a rough 1st half in the 2021 season, which was then followed by a strong 2nd half.
In the finale, Sunshine Super Stardom ended up taking home the Bronze Medal after their comeback win in their final game.
Their 2022 season display, however, took a nosedive as their matches turned out middling with several draws, eventually dropping out of qualifying for the KO stage.
SSSopranos[edit | edit source]
The team backed by the USA italian mafia and composed of the most powerful form of amerigoblin: Italian-American. If you want the gabagool, look no further.
They won the hat pick to win the 2022 season, but just barely did not qualify thanks to their enemies, the jewish mafia.
Originally TFR's first pre-show, nWr has now become a team competing in the Rumble Premier League. The word to describe them would be KINO.
It is said many still retain hope the long-awaited "NWR Epilogue".
Nonetheless, they ended at their bottom of their group in the 2022 season.
A team built by the almighty Gilgamesh to obliterate the opposition.
Any and all losses don't count. No matter win or lose, its opponents always losses to the mighty Enkidu who is also on this team.
With the power of 「Delay Embodiment」 by their side, all rumbles kneel eternal.
The only team to have successfully achieved a 9-2 Victory as of week 14 of the 2021 season.
A team founded by a wealthy billionaire currently hiding out in Canada.
The Epstein Rumble officially won the 2021 Rumble Premier League Season in Week 20.
After Epstein's business is exposed, its place is taken over by the most american man to ever american.
It won the 2022 season's hat pick to spoon the cup.
Then it also won the 2023 season's hat pick to spoon the cup again.
A team consisting of characters exclusive to Cartoon Network, Boomerang, and Adult Swim.
Run with the power of Mexican autism, as CnOP is known as one of the biggest schizos in rumbledom.
The only team so far to have forfeited a match due to a mid-match bet that ended up leaving them kneeling.
After being exposed to the schizo kino when they played against TFR, CnOP went from a contender in the 1st half to a team that didn't care about winning anymore so that they can enjoy the pure shitposting kino even if it meant intentionally losing every remaining game. It also permanently scarred CnOP as he spiraled down the path of insanity and schizophrenia from this point forwards in time.
Thanks to the power of rushed finales and jobbing, CNR fell to the power of idealism.
The successor of CNR after it's tragic conclusion that led to Torres' rise to power.
By this point, CnOP was well on the path of losing all his humanity, having becoming a well known pedophile and zoophile, and having his attention span burned to nonexistence while maintaining still a burningly-passionate-driven approach with 0 focus.
The only team to side with TTA in the 2022 season despite everyone agreeing they were the heel of the league.
Eventually he gave up, and the team has been disbanded and wished future endeavors.
A new team from the third world shithole known as Italy, well known for their "unique" look among most of the federations thanks to having a budget of €5.
Their manager is well known for having mental breakdowns because his roster loves to derail all of his plans (including trying to win at this tournament apparently).
After an exceptionally rough start to the league, they have been able to achieve a strong winning streak from Week 11 onwards and ended up becoming the best team of the 2nd half of the 2021 season.
However, on the cusp of going all the way from last to a top 3 finish in the 2021 season, Third World Rumble's dreams came crashing down in a tough last minute loss to Sunshine Super Stardom in the finale.
The miracle wasn't able to be replicated in the 2022 season, as despite handing AVR a strong loss that probably sealed their fate on TWR's first match, it remained enhancement talent in its own group.
Due to a mid-match bet against CNR in the 2021 season, they were able to clutch victory from the jaws of defeat due to the might of JIREN.
Against all odds and with the power of Brock, The Tournament Arc ended up winning the Bonus Tournament in the 2021 Epilogue with a thrilling final against TCR.
However, not satisfied with just that, TTA took a dark path in invoking unholy powers to split itself and win every match due to stupid tactics and bullshit in the 2022 league, which many have theorized to be due to mystical jewish powers that they were able to invoke thanks to consuming baby foreskins.
Their heel ways were so grand that the entire league united against them (save for their subservient golem in SVS), and would probably have won it all if they had not run out of foreskin from their jar. Thanks to the power of anti-dimes (extra semitic damage) invoked by the womemes from WEW, they were defeated and the world was saved from further jewish tricks.
The Tournament Ar/co/[edit | edit source]The group led by Walt Disney in an effort to take over TTA, now decided to beat them in footy as well.
Secretely was further proof of TTA's demonic inclinations, as both finished top of their group in the 2022 season.
They were defeated by WEW as the gatekeeper protecting TTA's path, which would have seen a (very dishonest) TTA-only finals match had they not lost.
A unique team in that it is not actually a rumble but instead a mixture of each rumbles biggest jobbers combined with a group of characters named 'Never Evers', unlikely to ever get into any rumble.Instead of being managed by any of the managers, this team is instead managed by the chat, adding a whole new dynamic to the league.
The main tactic of the NEJS, THE WALL is an unorthodox formation born in Week 2 of the RPL. Thanks to this tactic, the NEJS would tie with AOV 4-4, and beat SSS 5-3.
"I KNOW WHAT TO
ALRIGHT THE MIDDLE
MOVE ALL 3 OF THEM FORWARD alright that's it" ― DragonKing12780, 2021 MAY 22nd
This tactic would be labeled "THE WALL" by chat members, due to the team formation resembling a wall, simple as. Both the broadcasters and the chatroom were reportedly surprised when this tactic would end up garnering a tie, deeming it viable, and to be used again on 2021 MAY 29th, , where THE WALL would allow the NEJS to score 5-3 against SSS.
"I'll be real, I can't believe the tactic worked. I saw that the NEJS was losing, and decided to gamble on the three men going forward to emphasize the offensive. The gamble ended up working, and we tied with AOV instead of losing to the team that got 7-1'd a week back. Now, the NEJS wields the strongest tactic of all; THE WALL." ― DragonKing, discoverer of THE WALLHowever, in the middle of the 2nd half, the hosts have stripped power away from chat making the games harder for NEJS.
Near the end of the 2021 Season, the hosts revealed that NEJS would not compete in the 2022 RPL Season unless NEJS won the Cup in the bonus episode. LOL NEJS IS DEAD NOW!
A group formed by characters from the notorious Fire Emblem ROMhack Dark Lord and the Maiden of Light and also a few King's Field characters, and managed by the hack's creator.
A strong team despite its sudden and perhaps not-well-known nature, making its debut in the 2022 season.
TFHR instantly sets itself as a fierce challenger in it's debut match, having ZAHHAK score 4 goals against TWR.
Its future matches, however, were quite unlucky, ending at the top of the non-qualifying team yet with a massive difference to the lowest qualified.
A team that is barely known to exist at all.
Beware the power of Schneed and WOWSERS, memetic hazards of the highest category.
Had the lowest performance of any team in the 2022 season, with a -15 Goal Difference, and ranked at the very bottom.
A special team from the distant town of S. Harteria.
Known to have enough heart to make even the impossible close enough to grasp, and put on any kind of last stand.
Had one of the strongest performances in its debut on the 2022 season.
Patches, the Season 2 champion stood no chance against Perd Rumble and was demolished and kicked down a cliff, and can be considered lucky they didn't have clerics on the team.
As a participant in the 2023 season under it's "true name" of VS Underground, the infinite Patches have decided to take a (well-paid) break and let the rest of the VSU stars do their thing.