Aleksandr Pistoletov

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The man who brought happiness to millions by swinging his dick and being stickied on /b/, and singing about the wonders of piracy.

New Age Russian Pirate[edit | edit source]

TFR/Season 2[edit | edit source]

Arrives to TFR to undo it's grip on wrestling copyright.

TFR/Season 3[edit | edit source]

Fights a losing war to keep the TFRbotches channel up, transforming into Gladiatar.

TFR/Season 5[edit | edit source]

The gladiatar returns.

TFR/Off-Season 8[edit | edit source]

From the depths of /b/ archives and the russian internet, Gladiatar awakens to war against copyright with his soldier-in-arms.

TFR/Season 8[edit | edit source]

The two have become little more than land privateers in armor.

Episode 6

The doorbell to Kamogawa Boxing Gym rings, and Kamogawa Genji hurriedly opens the door to the three recruits that'll apparently be joining the gym show up. But... Zach and Charles recognize that man, Sneed's friend whom they tried to buy coffee seeds before, but Chuck denies knowing what they are talking about. Just before Kamogawa signs their contract, Susuhara notices in the fine print: it's a scam! Had he signed, he'd be giving away the rights to the property—BONK—Susuhara is incapacitated, and with the facade revealed, Chuck orders his hired muscle to get that paper signed with blood.

Zach, Charles and Pardo prove the gym's worth by fending off the two thugs and defeating Chuck; Kamogawa is proud and Susuhara affirms they'd never lose to dirty tactics. The two strongest backups Chuck could find were easily defeated, and run away.

Feats[edit | edit source]

  • Swing his dong
  • Got stickied on /b/ (but what didn't back then?)

Match History[edit | edit source]

Date Type Vs Result Records Singles Details
Royal Rumble
Full List
W0 L1 -1
0 0 P
For Title: /v/ #1#2 Contender
Falls Count Anywhere
Aleksandr Pistoletov, Gene, Rance, Balthios James Lose
W0 L2 -2
1 1 P
Note: Balthios and Gene kept going at each other for like 10 minutes before it ended.
Raiden Lose
W0 L3 -3
1 2 P
W0 L1 -1
0 1 P
As: Gladiatar
Hell in a Cell
Gladiatar, Shingo Shoji, G-man, Marco Rossi, Raiden Win
Battle Royale Aleksandr Pistoletov, Albert Wesker, Rance, Gene, Tatsuya Suou, Tom Brady, Alucard, Archer Lose
W0 L4 -4
1 3 P
Note: Fastest elimination ever in a Battle Royale at 0 seconds after tripping over Tatsuya.
The Sons of Sperdo, Arkantos & Gladiatar, The Coomer Gang Lose
W0 L5 -5
1 3 P
『April Fools』
Game: WWE 2k22

For Title: Undisputed Tag-Team #1 Contenders

Royal Rumble
Full List Lose Note: ×2 speed match
Gladiatar & Ooishi Kuraudo, The Young Weight, Judgement Sorcerers Lose
W0 L6 -6
1 4 P
For Title: Undisputed Tag-Team #1 Contenders
Yuki Makoto, Saihara Shuichi, Kaidou Shun, Date Kaname, Aleksandr Pistoletov, Johnny Gat, Adol Christin, Stork NC Note: Saihara wins by being last one on the ring technically.
Aleksandr Pistoletov, Beheaded Kamikaze, Adol Christin, Bevi, I'm Blue, Zoomer, Ooishi Kuraudo, Hisoka Lose Rokkenjimania IV』– Ladder Arc
Van Darkholme, Aleksandr Pistoletov, Gene, Spazz Maticus, Geralt of Rivia, Master Chief, Zagreus, Max Payne Lose Rokkenjimania IV』– Blood Arc
Jacopo Bearzatti Lose Rokkenjimania IV』– Sumo Arc
→Round 1

Stage: Dark Arena

Chuck, Arkantos, Gladiatar

Francis Zach Morgan, Charles, Manny Pardo

W0 L7 -7
1 5 P
Stage: Kamogawa Boxing Gym

Trivia[edit | edit source]

New Age Russian Pirate
English Romaji Russian

"Continuation of adventures
Of the battles between yachts
All began day after the storm,
That is how I met my frigate.

Prodolzheniye priklyucheniy
mezhduyakhtovykh srazheniy,
nachalos' v den' posle buri,
Tak ya vstretil svoy fregat.

Let the guests of the sea
Know the might of the pirate
That which rules the entire sea,
Such pirate is a true pirate.

Pust' uznayut gosti morya
vso vladychestvo pirata,
Kto vladeyet vsem morem,
nastoyashchiy tot pirat.

Banging cannons, whistling case-shot
Battle suddenly begins.
Sound of metal, bullets and swords,
This is how a deathly battle goes.

Grokhot pushek,
svist kortechi,
Nachat boy vnezapnoy vstrechey.
Zvon metalla pul' i sabley,
Tak idet smertel'nyy boy.

Two frigates met
In a blueish hell of sea.
Our pirate ship
Became your trouble.

Povstrechalis' dva fregata
v sineve morskogo ada.
Nash piratskiy korabl'
obernulsya vam bedoy.

Our Pirate ship
Became your trouble, your trouble

Nash piratskiy korabl'
obernulsya vam bedoy,
vam bedoy.


Not Somalian
And not Caribbean
I am a Russian new pirate.
And not Brazilian,
And not Indian,
I am a Russian new pirate.
Yes that's who I am, I am a new pirate.


Ne samaliyskiy,
I ne karibskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
I ne brazil'skiy,
I ne indiyskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.

It appeared to us from the sea
Suddenly, a sea monster,
To our ship it gripped
A giant octopus.

Poyavilos' k nam iz morya
Vdrug chudovishche morskoye,
Za korabl' nash vtsepilsya
Vdrug gigantskiy os'minog.

It threw everyone off board
And sawed off our anchor
So the frigate fell apart
And sank all the way to the bottom.

On vykidyval vsekh za bort
I pilil vsyu nashu yakhtu.
Tak fregat razvalilsya
I ushel sovsem na dno.

But our crew was alright,
And got to a nearby island
Where they built a new ship,
Much stronger and faster.

No komanda utselela,
dobralas' na mestnyy ostrov,
gde postroila korabl',
po-prochneye i moshchney.

And so we set out to sea
And found that octopus
Shot him up with our cannons,
Till there was nothing left but bones.

I otpravilis' my v more I nashli my os'minoga.
Rasstrelyali iz pushek do samikh yego moshchey.



On the internet, quite like the sea,
We are rocked, and we rock
And download our rights
To ships without decks.

V internete,
kak na more,
Nas kachayut,
my kachayem.

If you write something,
Or if you invent something,
Hold on in your hands,
Your copyrights.

I prava svoi kachayem
Na bespalubnykh sudakh.
Yesli chto-to sochinil ty ili chto-to ty pridumal,
Svoye avtorskoye pravo,
Derzhish' ty v svoikh rukakh.

Copyright suffocates
Like tentacles of the octopus,
Call a violator a pirate,
Like at the sea.

Slovno nogi os'minoga
Dushit avtorskoye pravo,
Nazyvaya, kak na more,
Narushitelya - pirat.

Pirates like citizens
Have their own laws,
No one will like
Punishments as well.

U piratov kak u grazhdan
Tozhe yest' svoi zakony,
Nakazaniyu takzhe nikto budet i ne rad.