Ushiromiya Battler

Battler is the main character of the Umineko no Naku Koro ni series of VNs.

Along with Shuichi Saihara, Hobo Phoenix and Sminem, Battler is part of an elite group of mystery men, and has joined Phoenix, and Saihara in the ring at many points.

Originally an underdog, losing nearly every single match he's ever fought in, he remained a fan favorite until rising to basically be the face of TFR. He was the main character of the latter half of season 3, but has had and continues to have a pivotal role through the series even despite losing out on sheer screentime compared to other characters.

For a long time, Battler had yet to receive a (singles) loss on a finale, the only person able to break such a streak being another Ushiromiya himself. Nevertheless, he's a force to be reckoned with during finales, where he puts his best performances.

The Endless Fighter
Battler Ushiromiya is a stubborn, hotblooded youth who refuses to believe in the supernatural. The annual Ushiromiya family conference leads Battler and the rest of his family members to Rokkenjima Island in order to discuss the matter of inheritance, as the patriarch, Kinzo Ushiromiya waits at death's door. While on the island, a typhoon hits, barring all travels. Stranded on the island, a murder causes the shadows of conspiracy to consume the residents of Rokkenjima. Is there a murderer among them, or are there other supernatural forces at work?

Confusingly, Battler lands in the world of The Final Rumble, perhaps the act of witchery. Battler is content to engage in the entertainment, and has made many friends in this new land. Determined to prove his competence, Battler fights with everything he has.

Season 1
In the beginning of TFR, Battler was just like any other wrestler, the only thing separating him from others was his tendency to job every single match he participated in. Because of this, he lost a decent many matches that should've been more than possible for him to win. For a fair bit of time, Battler was a joke, combined with his general obscurity to early fans, often being mocked for his nonstop jobbing, and his ranking on the tierlist being incredibly low.

Episode 5
Battler's story started to go uphill after Sminem invited Battler to a group of like minded mystery men in order to stop the Bogdanoffs, among them was Phoenix Wright who would become what is perhaps Battler's best friend, and Shuichi Saihara, a young yet talented detective who would help in their investigations and become a good friend. In the same stream that Battler's story started to develop, it was revealed that he ranked as the best Create A Wrestler character in TFR based on stats. By this point, the few fans that had cheered for Battler grew into a slightly bigger group, wishing to see Battler achieve his very first victory.

The event that swayed the hearts of many was the tag team match of Hobo Phoenix, and Battler VS ChrisRedfield, and his Therapist. Many fans will regard this as one of the best fights in TFR history. While Phoenix, and Battler lost in the end, the fight they put on was legendary, and won't soon be forgotten.

Episode 6
By this point, Battler proves to Sminem in his justification of letting him join his team despite his terrible performance. Battler's investigation on where the bogs have taken HUNK is not only correct, but the guy had already half-way escaped before Sminem's team even arrived.

Episode 7
Battler's second investigation was successful yet again, being able to locate the legendary Case that the Bogs tried to destroy.

Episode 8
Despite everything, Battler had still yet to win a single match, but was to be given one more match. Before the match, Sminem was showing Battler, Phoenix and Saihara that the Bogs were planning to take over TFR and use a broadcast to take over the world, but most importantly, Battler is seen wearing a shirt saying "BCW", which was official Bog merchandise. Smimem chastised him for buying the shirt, saying, "This dumbass right here bought a BCW shirt because he thought it stood for "Battler Can Win"". After this, BCW officially stood for Battler Can Win, as chat was now flooded with BCW.Finally, it came time for Battler's match against his opponent, Kinzo Ushiromiya. With Phoenix, and Saihara cheering Battler on, Battler beat the ever living Christ out of his grandpa, and achieved victory. Chat exploded, fans cheered, and Battler looked like he was about to cry. He had achieved his first victory.

Season 2
To start season 2, Battler now wears a cape, only meant for the Master of Rokkenjima. It is believed this cape has awakened something in Battler, as the first two matches he's appeared in for season 2, he's been practically 2v1'd, and 3v1'd with little to no problem. While those two matches were losses, he has yet to be counted out in season 2, and has even defeated Kirei Kotomine in a 1on1 match that ended in a friendly handshake and acknowledgement of the Holy. He went on to go into a Money in the Bank ladder match where he dislocated Arthur Morgan's jaw. As of now, Battler, who used to be in D tier, now rests forever in SSSS(SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS) tier.

Episode 1
With his new cape, Battler is now more powerful than ever, and puts a good challenge even in multimen matches.

Episode 3
Battler defeats Kotomine Kirei, however, their hard fought fight made Battler reconsider his standing on the holy, exclaiming that holy magic might be real.

This prompted Battler to give Kirei a friendly handshake, and the stoic priest accepted it.

Episode 6


''I would like to make an announcement: magic isn't real, nor are witches, and especially, ESPECIALLY assassins. I mean come on, remember that 47 guy, that agent 47; he kicked me in the back-he backstabbed me, in my grand fight against that... Brendan... just... whoever he was I don't remember him honestly. Then he tried to kill me, again, and again, and again, he's even seen me as his goddamn adversary... and look where it got him: nowhere. Hahahaha, ahahaha, AHAHAHAHAHAH... so as I was saying. Fuck magic. Fuck witches. And FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK assassins.''

Episode 9
Battler and Phoenix manage to win the tag titles for the first time in the Mystery Masters' history, a feat after having tried so many times.

Oh and Saihara was also there cheering on them I guess.

Episode 10


''I would like to make an announcement. First of all yes, magic isn't real, witches aren't real, assassins aren't real and... Minecraft isn't real at all. I mean look at that guy, Steve. Yes... he has beaten me last week, it's why I didn't perform that well today, thanks Wright, you-you really picked up the slack today at that titles match against those-against those "baker" brothers, I must commend you, you did-you did wonderful, honestly. Anyway, as I was saying: that Steve... he's just... he's... just... he's just, alright, he's JUST. I've got no words for him. I can only pity, his unfortunate soul for even trying to go against me. Anyway, fuck magic. Fuck witches. Fuck assassins. And fuck Minecraft. But... muehehe... Kioktofen. IS. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASED. That's right, it-it is based after all, muehehe. fuck you 47 you stupid cunt. ''

Off-Season 2
Battler now believes in magic. Fuck.

Beato lost to Aigis in a rap battle. Double Fuck.

He thinks he's gay FAGGLER

He's also at a 99% percent friendship with Chris Chan. Jesus fucking christ.

Episode 2
He broke the multiman curse and actually won. Also hurt his neck.

Episode 3
When Richtofen was discussing who would gauge Chris-Chan 's current power, upon hearing of his "magic" powers he became determined to prove his power isn't real by beating him, which caused the "Battler Dillema", Battler went and beat the shit out of an innocent Christian Weston Chandler, however, might this be the very thing that causes Chris' rampage in the future? Was that Richtofen's plan all along?

Episode 4
Yet, Battler didn't fight Chris-Chan once, no. He fought him again, enchanted by the desire to prove the Focusing Stone in Chris' posession was not magical at all, at the apex of the manchild's power. And he had prevailed once more, proving his streak undefeated.

Back at the lockerroom, Battler activated the stone and returned the timeline back to its proper place. Unfortunately, perhaps by his inner disbelief in magic, the transportation did not go well. 18 wrestlers disappeared, and Battler along with them. The stone taken by the Doctor, who himself was gone in a flash, deeming his work in TFR done. Trouble's brewing...

And it brews even more, because Battler could not foresee that one of The Focusing Stone's abilities to recall people's own perceptions of themselves, such as it did with Chris-chan and Sonichu (merging them). As such, Battler had once theorized himself as the culprit, and from that the Black Battler in Bernkastel's game emerged, however, that was only an illusion, so to say. This time the stone recalled Battler from his culprit theory, calling forth someone way eviler, way darker: giving life to Black Battler again, and this time he's in the real world.

Along with the other 18 lost characters, Battler was sent to the Meta-World's Rokkenjima Mansion, trying to finding a way to escape and return to TFR.

Episode 7

Battler searched for a way to find the stone in this confusing dimension, never giving up.

Episode 7.5
Makes a surprise appearance as a cardboard cutout.

Episode 8

Yet, when he had exhausted all possibilities after weeks of searching, Battler was on the verge of giving up hope of leaving Rokkenjima when miraculously, HUNK, who was travelling through dimensions after "gently asking" Richtofen for his Focusing Stone, accidentally ended in the Meta-World. Battler saw the opportunity and asked HUNK for it, but he refused. Cursing himself for not finding Kinzo's gold, Battler hurriedly challenged HUNK to a fight for the stone, knowing he wouldn't refuse.

Battler was beaten, as there was nothing he could do, even if not given up he could barely stand up to try and stop HUNK from returning him to Rokkenjima. But as all hope was lost, a "Nameress Benefactor" bought the stone for more that HUNK was offered, and so he finally gained the stone that would allow him to save his friends.

Episode 9
Battler gathered everyone who had been trapped with him, and used the stone again, returning everyone home as things should have been.

However, when he returned, he learned about what had been happening, and as Saihara said, he was the only one able to hurt Black Battler and be hurt by him, as he was a mistake in our universe as long as people didn't believe in him. So he went forth to battle him, to the Final Rumble of the Black Sorcerer.

Having won, he went over the whole case again in red truths:

"And, with this, I'll finish you off! I will deny you once and for all! Allow me to go over the case, one more time:       Therefore, by declaring the following, I am denying your existence:  "

Season 3 Extra


Upon defeating the threat at hand, he went to the source: confronted Agent 47 as he had also tried to recreate The Focusing Stone to send Black Battler to Rokkenjima while Battler was there. Went into a last match with him in the Secret ring of Rokkenjima and went all-out, even using a move he learned from HUNK, but lost.

What will this mean for Battler...?

Season 4
It's been confirmed that Battler got amnesia from his last fight with Agent 47, and it's been decided to retire him from wrestling until he gets better.

Episode 2

However, it appears he has fallen into a coma, and is now fighting to hold onto his memories. Fight, Battler, don't give up!

Episode 7.5

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Episode 10

Battler... Battler awakens in the hospital, next to Phoenix Wright. He only remembers his last match with HUNK. But he... he doesn't recognize himself as Battler Ushiromiya anymore, he's someone different now.

Episode 11
Wright reveals about how Battler's current situation came to be for Battler: When HUNK defeated Battler all the way in the Meta-World, him giving The Focusing Stone wasn't a coincidence, it was all arranged by Kojima. The stone was in Battler's hand and used it to return to his own universe, but it was modified by Kojima in such a way that it would synchronize with him and after his first defeat, would activate the first step to bringing The Final Impact. The stone had warped him to complete emptiness, save for Kojima at first. This is where his new universe would begin, after recovering the stone he used it to create a powerful magical artifact that would be linked to the very foundations of this new universe, the Script of the Mad Writer. An object that freely allowed him to change the rules and fates of his universe as he saw fit.

And to create this universe, he used Battler's very mind to sort everything out, since only a human's mind can tell what they should and shouldn't perceive. Battler had to experience every disturbance, every breaking of the laws of physics, every experience of Kojima's magic shaping the universe fully alone, in a place where even the very concept of time was distorted to last what seemed like an eternity for him.

When his memories had shaped the universe to be similar enough to the old one, Kojima returned him, where not much time had passed comparatively to what he had lived.

Battler's mind became so broken by such a torturous existence that he started forgetting things. The only thing his unconscious felt he could do was pick up the broken shards and become an entirely new person, forgetting everything about such an experience. Or almost everything, as he couldn't fully forget his friends, or the fight with that all-powerful soldier to save his friends. This eventually put him into a coma, and even presumed dead for a while. Until eventually, a voice called to him, a voice he felt he could remember, and he opened his eyes for the very first time again, yet not as Battler Ushiromiya any longer, for that person had already died.

Season 5
Through Season 5, Tohya participates in the Death Game, making it barely out of death's door until he is, eventually, executed by majority vote.

Episode 12
The last trial is nothing less than a debate to find out the truth. As Saihara leads the argument fights, and all that is there to be found comes to light, La Parka reveals the truth.

His name is Mr. BANS, short for Battler After Not Surviving. That was the name he was given in hell. He was an amalgamation of the intense feelings left behind by Ushiromiya Battler's original personality mental death, and as such he only had fragmented memories. What he remembered the most was how everything started when 47 defeated him and gave him the stone that would trap him, Kojima tortured him, and when Sminem showed up, he only took the stone and left, being the final nail in his coffin of despair. Eventually, Kotomine Kirei descended into hell, and with underhanded tricks, defeated the previous lord of hell Mr. Bones who used La Parka as avatar, to unleash his caged beast. As such, he had the right to chose the next lord of hell, and thus by his wish, "Ushiromiya Battler, or what's left of him, to take the position", he became to possess the body of La Parka II and become second king of hell. However, he soon discovered that he had been "replaced", he saw his friend gather to the impostor Hachijo Tohya (not knowing that it was his old body) and chose to believe he was secretly his adversary HUNK, as it had been rumored he had white hair. He figured everything out and chose to reveal the truth, that everything was orchestrated by a group known as Team Rumble, who writes the demonic script that has lead to all the tragedies, that this is but the final of the series known as The Rumble, and calls for doll that represents the mascot of it. Thus, this entire death game he orchestrated, it was his way of rebelling, he was not just executing people, but liberating them.

As the Tohya in the death game was a doll, he shows the real Tohya, whose punishment has been observing everything, and whose death he awaits the most for he is none other than Team Rumble's enforcer.

And more than that, he has used a body unfit for him for too long, and the real end goal of the death game is. Agent 47 steps up, looking back to how it all started, and lamenting his sin, for redemption, offers one last fight against Battler, an offer he cannot turn down.

Season 6
BANS and Kotomine Kirei are rumored to be dead since the end of their universe... but are they really?

Episode 3

Suddenly, BANS' forces invade the arena to wreak chaos, along with BANS, now possessing Miles Edgeworth's body, but it is far too late, for Rumble-17 is already set in motion.

Episode 5

12 years in the future, BANS Army is one of the leading forces of the wasteland, and in direct opposition of The Three Kings.

Episode 17

Nyarlathotep states that the thing that caused the downfal of The Bogdanoffs' original plan in the first place, the single thing that changed the course of the world... was Battler's simple "Battler Can Win" misinterpretation, the innocent sin that changed everything.

As the world ends, and a new world is born anew, BANS cries out in anger as he is defeated without ever getting his revenge, on Igor, on Grishka, on Sminem.

And thus, comes the end of the Battler who jobbed, who saw his first victory, who made friends with young promising wrestlers Wright and Saihara, who believed in Sminem, who always liked to put on a show, who fought with assassins, who obtained focusing stones, who was betrayed, who despaired, who fought to the end. And at his leave, there's left space, space for something to come anew.

Season 0
Ushiromiya Battler is a young man being trained by his grandpa, Ushiromiya Kinzo to take on the Ushiromiya Family's wrestling style, much like him.

Episode 1
Battler is all ready for his match, but Kinzo tells him to calm down, despite being overjoyed in the Ushiromiya's wrestling legacy living on. Battler instead has other ideas of how it should go, with him fondling the breasts of female fans every show... Kinzo shuts him up asking if he's really doing it for Ange after all, but then he is reminded of Beatoriche himself...

Anyways, Genji got a real, top of the card wrestler for Battler to fight as his first real opponent, for the mere price of 500 balloons. Battler is overwhelmed and can't do even a single signature move against him.

Episode 2
Somewhat disappointed, Kinzo gets someone a bit more midcard for Battler to fight with. However, not a single finisher is landed on his part and the guy proves to be somewhat too mid.

Episode 3

Disappointment settling in, Kinzo looks for the lowest carder, midgetest, twinkiest person he can find before concluding Battler as too incompetent to wrestle.

It's not an easy fight, but Battler manages to land his first finisher, and land his first win.

Episode 4

After a hard earned victory, Battler thinks it's finally time to go out to the ring for real, but Kinzo reminds him he only beat a lowcarder half his size, so for tonight he'll go into the ring... alone. That's right, not to cut a promo, he'll have to entertain the crowd all by himself. "Know yourself before you know your enemy". Kinzo hopes it's imposible for him to lose this one, but Battler might not be as alone as he might think...

Episode 5

Selling that good, Battler is content with putting a great show that Ange must've loved, and the ladies gotta love his athleticism. Even Kinzo is stunned and can't say a thing... because he got somehow pinned by goddamn thin air. He needs to train even harder, and has used his connections to make a perfect opponent for him.

Indeed, he has to fight against a robot version of HIMSELF.

Episode 6

Battler is excited about finally being able to make an opponent tap, but Kinzo on the other hand reminds him that his opponent was a ROBOT, in other words, they can't tap and was programmed to do so.

Kinzo decides to take a break from regular training. Battler is finally going to the ring for his debut, but Kinzo tells him they are only looking into outside opportunities, and so used his connections to get him on the tournament an old friend of his' is running. Battler wonders just how many connections does he have, but Kinzo tells him to hurry up before the already null audience becomes even less.

One last question is asked by Battler before he leaves, and that is where his robotic version ended up. Kinzo, obviously, made it into a sacrifice for BEATORICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Battler's match was at NXT, where the showrunner put him against an experienced suplex specialist. In the heat of the fight, Battler forgot the match was KO only, and pinned the opponent for a non-scoring fall, leading to his opponent wining from a single KO...

Episode 7

After an embarrassing loss due to not paying attention to the rules. Kinzo complains that kids these days have no self-control or discipline, and for today's lesson, Battler will not be punished, tortured, nor whipped, something even worse... he'll have to stay still for 15 minutes.

Just when Kinzo returns, he's able to observe Battler failing his tasks once again, so he shouts at him that he will have to try and try again until he gets it right."Aaahhh... It's useless! It's all useless!"

Episode 8
Battler is still trying to stay completely still for 15 minutes.Episode 9

Kinzo suddenly creeps out from behind him and calls his name to inform him that he's honestly surprised he managed to finally stand still for 15 minutes... surprised of failing in so many creatively different ways at staying still for 15 goddamn minutes, that is.

Either way, Battler will now have to learn from the ages of yonder. Despite Kinzo's allegedly great wrestling popularity, his matches are't easy to find. That is, save for one that Kinzo keeps dearly: a legendary bout against the Sonozaki Patriarch himself, the King of Aikido Steven Sonozaki. Battler might not be ready, but Kinzo will have to entrust it to him and he better take notes. Despite Battler's eagerness to carry his legacy, his efforts would be better put in not ruining it instead. As for what Kinzo will do meanwhile? search for any tapes of Beatoriche...

Episode 10.2

Strange versions of Battler show up inside Leon's Dream.

Episode 11

Kinzo checks on Battler, who was too focused on the tapes to notice him; he's astonished at his legacy and more importantly the man he fought, who was using such otherworldly moves it seemed like magic was real, and asks Kinzo if he could teach him some Aikido, but not even Kinzo got to fully learn it, since only only those trained by Steven could become masters. But taking his good idea, Kinzo sings Battler to a MMA competition, but when Battler asks for a few moves to use, Kinzo could only teach him a few submission holds... But no, he'll have to go and learn the full experience himself. Hopefully Ange won't be watching if it gets too bad.

After his defeat, Battler doesn't give up and tries again, so Kinzo talks with his friend Joji and arrange Battler against another MMA trainee.

Episode 12

Next, Battler is put against a long-awaited debut... an MMA legend... CM Phil.

Episode 13

Trains himself against the hottest free agent in the industry.

Episode 14
After Battler defeats that pitiful and weird cartwheeling man, Kinzo returns and clarifies that he did not call him there, but he came of his own volition to "create magic", although all he did was put a terrible match...

Either way, Gohda took care of him, and Battler must now move to his final challenge (which he eagerly awaits for all the big-breasted aunties in the front row of his upcoming profesional matches) to prove his worth: Kinzo himself. And he jobs because of a stupid mistake.

Abjected and defeated, Battler asks Kinzo why he spent so much money and effort training him, because he was his grandchild? Just because he needs his legacy to be carried?

But before that can be answered, Kinzo is knocked out by... Kinzo, who reveals the man before him just now was mythical Korean assassin Mee Ror-fes, who had distracted him with news about the intruder. He dreads to think what he could've done to Battler had he not shown up, or worse... his Beato photos...

Either way, the faker imitated what he would say exactly, and to answer Battler's question: both of those factors were considered, but what really made him do it, was that he felt like he belongs in the business, and that talent couldn't go to waste. Battler thought he was just beating his ass because he kept fucking up, but Kinzo tells Battler that in his golden days he was in a stable so powerful it might as well have ruled wrestling; yet it has fallen from grace, been forgotten, and needs to be rebuilt, and Battler is the only one that can do it. So, he wants Battler to become strong, strong enough to lead men and bring back its lost glory.

With such words, Battler is inspired to not disappoint and tries to run to his TFR debut, but Kinzo reminds him he needs to pay his dues: bumping for a dollar and a handshake. On the meantime... back to the tapes.

The Dark Web Rumble
Kinzo is contracted by The Dark Web Rumble underground wrestling promotion, and brings Battler along as part of the contract.

Battler will try as hard as he can to win since his sister Ushiromiya Ange comes to watch him in the crowd.

Season 7
When Bogdanoff Championship Wrestling buys it out and fires them, The Final Rumble, looking for new hires, gets their eyes on Kinzo. Initially they plan to fire Battler, but Sminem takes an interest at him for winning the title.

Episode 8

Kinzo challenges his grandson to a final match to win the title of "Master of Rokkenjima", and Battler gives his all, but he still can't win against his grandpa.

Episode 9

Despite not managing to win a single fight, even against his uncle, Battler is put against someone with something in common, both were once champions for TDKR, and both were once jobbers.

And not allowing himself to disappoint Ange once again as she watches him on the big screen, Battler fights with all he has, and manages to defeat Kaidou.

Off-Season 7
He won the title holy shit.

Feats

 * Battler is one of the only wrestlers in TFR that has stood back up after getting hit by Chris Redfield 's Boulder Punch.
 * Beat 47 after being back-attacked by him
 * Beat 47 despite being sneak attacked by Max Payne
 * Not only beat 47 a third time in a 3 way tag team match, but was the one to pin 47, asserting his dominance once and for all on the assassin
 * Beat Max Payne while 47 constantly distracted both Battler, and the ref, and taunted throughout the entire match
 * Broke 47 and Payne's spirits
 * Dethroned Joe and Jack for the tag team championship with Wright
 * Then lost it to The Gym
 * Became the face of TFR as a whole.
 * Lives rent free on shitposters saying that entire seasons revolve around him when it hasn't ever been true (and he's dead for an entire 3 seasons).
 * Finally won a Multi-Man match on S3E3
 * Beat Chris-Chan not once, but twice. Unpowered and Powered forms, to boot.
 * Despite losing, gave his all to beat HUNK and get The Focusing Stone.
 * Defeated Black Battler by battling him with and finally denying his existence with.
 * Won for Ange.
 * Ranked  1st  place in Season 7's Popularity Poll〈171 votes〉. That's our Battler.
 * Had an undefeated streak during finale matches that continued to surprise everyone at his sheer increase in competency.
 * He lost on season 2 during a tag match though shut up
 * Lost the streak to Kinzo in S0 because he's retardler.

Trivia

 * BCW, previously associated with the Bogs, has been given a more positive connotation of "Battler Can Win".
 * Battler, or a version of him, has appeared on every episode until Season 3.
 * Despite having only few victories compared to countless losses, Battler has the best stats out of all of the CAW characters in TFR.
 * Nevermind goddler goes over
 * Battler has a distant cousin named Peleador Ushiromiya.
 * Some people think that they are the same person due to looking very alike and their only difference being that Peleador wears a poncho. And that Battler claims Peleador wasn't in the Rokkenjima incident since "Nobody invited him because nobody likes him"
 * As the icon of TFR and generally the concept of rumbles themselves, Battler has a myriad off-shoots and alternate versions. Some of them can be found here.
 * What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you fucking assassin? I'll have you know I graduated top of my field in jobbers, and I've been involved in numerous secret missions in bog territory, and the Howard Reality, and I have over 300 confirmed kills on one single man. I am trained in debative warfare and I'm the top wrestler in TFR. You are nothing to me but just another assassin. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this ring, mark my red fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the in front of an audience? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of mystery masters across Japan, and your weaknesses are being found right now so you better prepare for the storm, assassin. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your pride. You're fucking dead, bitch. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can pin you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just on my own. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire fortune of the Ushiromiya family, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe every bit of your self-confidence off the face of the continent, you little bitch. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" contract was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have backed off. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now your partner has stage four depression, you goddamn idiot. I will shit truths all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking nonexistent, bitch.
 * AHHYESSIR My boy the BATTLER is gonna main event the HOTTEST SHOW OF THE SUMMER OFFSEASON live on the award winning TFR Network available for only $9.99 on Friday, May 28th where he will slay The Storm Vergil and become the /v/ Champion for the first time in his illustrious career. #RedTruthThat #Uwoooo #WhenItSeagulls #HisIsland #TheGuy #OneVsSmallbombs
 * AHHYESSIR My boy the BATTLER is gonna main event the HOTTEST SHOW OF THE SUMMER OFFSEASON live on the award winning TFR Network available for only $9.99 on Friday, May 28th where he will slay The Storm Vergil and become the /v/ Champion for the first time in his illustrious career. #RedTruthThat #Uwoooo #WhenItSeagulls #HisIsland #TheGuy #OneVsSmallbombs
 * AHHYESSIR My boy the BATTLER is gonna main event the HOTTEST SHOW OF THE SUMMER OFFSEASON live on the award winning TFR Network available for only $9.99 on Friday, May 28th where he will slay The Storm Vergil and become the /v/ Champion for the first time in his illustrious career. #RedTruthThat #Uwoooo #WhenItSeagulls #HisIsland #TheGuy #OneVsSmallbombs
 * AHHYESSIR My boy the BATTLER is gonna main event the HOTTEST SHOW OF THE SUMMER OFFSEASON live on the award winning TFR Network available for only $9.99 on Friday, May 28th where he will slay The Storm Vergil and become the /v/ Champion for the first time in his illustrious career. #RedTruthThat #Uwoooo #WhenItSeagulls #HisIsland #TheGuy #OneVsSmallbombs
 * AHHYESSIR My boy the BATTLER is gonna main event the HOTTEST SHOW OF THE SUMMER OFFSEASON live on the award winning TFR Network available for only $9.99 on Friday, May 28th where he will slay The Storm Vergil and become the /v/ Champion for the first time in his illustrious career. #RedTruthThat #Uwoooo #WhenItSeagulls #HisIsland #TheGuy #OneVsSmallbombs