Albert Wesker

"Seven minutes... Seven minutes is all I can spare to play with you."

- Albert Wesker, before being beaten in 8 or more minutes.

Albert Wesker is a recurring antagonist in the Resident Evil series.

Umbrella's #1 Scientist Boy
Albert "Wesker" was the only survivor of a batch of a program of superchildren involving DNA modification and eugenics, given his last name for the original director of the experiment. Recruited by Umbrella unaware of his upbringing, he helped research and develop the T-Virus. Eventually the Mansion outbreak forced him to take a mutated strain of T-Virus that mutated him into a superhuman with great strength and speed.

Season 0 (original)
Apparently showed sometimes in Season 0, probably to annoy CHRISSSSS.

Season 1
Now Wesker has been dragged into the conflict in TFR for Leon's Liquid, and he needs to cut some loose ends before another situation gets out of control again.

He's super fucking gay for Chris Redfield, and wants him inside him every day. Nowadays, he is with Chris on Team FMS after he patched things up with Chris, trying to help him achieve his goals in exchange for some gay shit.

Episode 1

Wesker decided to make a truce with his lifelong enemy Chris for the sake of helping him on his mission to get Claire impregnated (likely so Chris wouldn't have to do it himself), but he might have his own personal goals for the sperm...

Later joins a match against general enemies of Team FMS.

Episode 3

Wesker fights with his buddy Chris for the titles (and maybe "something" else from Chris) as part of old S.T.A.R.S. members.

Episode 5
He has supposedly replaced the sperm in the briefcase with his own early on, for he has a hard on like you wouldn't believe for Claire, explaining his reasons for siding with Chris.

Episode 8

Fights in a match full of trained men while the destiny of the company is being decided.

Season 2
Nowadays he continues in TFR for unexplained reasons, maybe he just enjoys wrestling now. The idea of where the contents of the case could have ended at still follows him however...

Episode 1

First, Wesker fights a soldier who should be an easy task with someone with his abilities, but somehow, this guy can match him and his moves are EVEN MORE homoerotic somehow, which Wesker can't compete against.

In the elimination chamber, Wesker bests everyone, including demons, yakuza, and german fairies, and now has a shot to face his own agent for the title.

Episode 3

Wesker is defeated by his own subordinate. This would kickstart HUNK's dilemma about his purpose on TFR.

Season 3
Wesker continues wrestling, but perhaps he is still looking after something... or someone.

Episode 0

Fights a silent guy with an annoyingly long entrance.

Episode 2

Defeats Burnside to ensure he never fucks Claire.

Episode 4

He encounters his old rival/frenemy Chrisss, and they have a bout, after a while they take it to the parking lot where Chris wins when he smashes Wesker on a car.

Episode 5

When Donte is searching for a partner now that Vorgin is lost since they returned to the present, Wesker appears and offers to join him, and he can call him "Daddy" (although it's unknown if either party knew they were really related)

Episode 6

After the job last match, they fling insults at each other and decide to settle it in the ring. Wesker loses and Donte leaves searching for a new partner.

Episode 7

Donte apologizes for fighting his "dad" and offers to join again, but Wesker is injured (although he claims he let him win), to which Donte replies with a "Fuck You" and searches for another partner. Ruber shows up but is rejected before he can finish his catchphrase.

In the end, he forms "The Fuckheads" with Travis Touchdown but they are unlucky as well.

Episode 8

Donte and Wesker make up, and they steal the name "Fuckheads" while Donte attacks Travis with Wesker's support.

Season 4
As with a lot of other characters, he was trapped in the Universe 2K19 and any match he participated on before Episode 10 was not recorded.

Episode 10

Before The Final Impact, he participated in one last match...

Season 5
Surviving once again, the mutated madman shows up sparingly while thinking on how best to defeat CHRISSSS.

Episode 9

Defeats the commander for mistaking him with an ayy.

Season 6
With CHRISSSSS finally gone, Wesker can finally resume his plans of global saturation and fucking his sister maybe.

Episode 2
Had a match of chess with Keiichi where he got outsmarted, naturally as not even a superhuman can compete with a member of The Club.

Episode 4

Gets brought by Hideo along with others to the room of the Rumble-17 Project, where Comrade Mario activates the machine, starting The Final RumbleTM.

Episode 5

Wesker now works for The Three Kings since The Disaster and has made up with Chris after his return. And has become more attractive.

Episode 6
He is stationed along with Chris Redfield on Tazuna Industries as bodyguards when it is invaded by The Final Resistance. They are ordered by the king's voice directly to engage, and if the results still falter... doomp eet.

He stops Ooishi Kuraudo but is eventually defeated by him.

However, Tazuna Joe defeats Date Kaname and manages to escape with Wesker.

Episode 10

After the stationed personnel in The Factory buy enough time, Wesker and Boomer take away with all the dimes.

Episode 11

Wesker is sent to investigate a branch of Sminem Corp that has been suspicious, but is ambushed by Kuzunoha Raidou and defeated.

Episode 12

After being captured by Raidou, Wesker is introduced to the fruit of the research at this rebelling branch of S Corp. The ultimate lifeform that will oppose the kings, Lucifer, who promptly breaks free and consumes Wesker.

Season 0
A former member of Umbrella who does cuhrayzee matrix shit and wants to give everyone aids, Wesker is up to no good once again.

Episode 1

Chris' squad is deployed to the TFR arena, where he spots Wesker walking out. He follows him and sees a suspicious Van that he must've gotten the briefcase from. After defeating it's driver, he finds that Wesker is back on his office.

Episode 2

Chris arrives to the RPD and enters by force to Wesker's office, where he is holding the case (with his pants down). Wesker escapes after a Massive Man else comes for him and Chris is forced to fight him.

Episode 4

Wesker returns to the Coolsville Arena, where Chris ambushes him and asks for the Briefcase, but Wesker refuses do to its "relevant material content" and tries to leave for a "meeting", but Chris blocks his path before he can pass it on. Despite Chris' boulder breaking muscles, Wesker's matrix shit is too much for him, and both reach their limit and collapse at the end of the fight.

With barely any strength left, just then, Chris spots a man walking away with the case, and follows him inside the suspicious van in the parking lot. Wesker screams that he didn't even have time to finish him off, and he had even bleached his hair again for the fight...

Episode 7

Is attacked and restrained by Enrico Marini.

Episode 8

Defeated, Date and Piers are about to suffer the full power of Man With The Van's 300 bucks course for free, but Chris shows up and they flee. Piers is fine, and Chris meets Date (for the first time while awake), who is quite sad at not getting Van's treatment and leaves. Meanwhile Enrico arrives with a captured WESKEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR. Pursuing the fleeing targets, Chris tries to open Dan's Van only to find nothing, so he asks Wesker and his pitiful new shades to open it for them.

Once inside, they split up to explore the huge place. Chris takes the right side, while Enrico keeps exploring forward and Piers goes left. Outside, Wesker is left tied up, but a shady figure shows up behind him and...

Episode 9

After being freed by the passing man, he participates in one of the three rumbles for a chance at the TFR title.

Season 6 Epilogue
In the Sperm Case Wars, Wesker fights for the case, but loses.

Season 7
As the calculating madman he is, Wesker hopes to fulfill his dark and horny goals by fighting in The Final Rumble.

Episode 1

Becomes the Literal Who #1 Contender.

Episode 2

Gets defeated by Arikado after winning in promo.

Episode 5

Drafted to Bogdanoff Championship Wrestling

Episode 6

Defeated by some BCW guy.

Off-Season 8
Somehow becomes black. Probably fell on a trip to the Coolsville Volcano and got a little toasty. Tends to enjoy fried chicken a bit more now and got a job offer at Netflix.

Episode 36: Rokkenjimania IV

In a Sinless World, Wesker never betrays S.T.A.R.S., and continues to work in the Coolsville Police Department.

When Leon enters the station for Tatsuya's welcome party, Wesker reprimands he's about 7 minutes late, but upon noticing his injury says he's quite sad he can't invite him to a "The Backstreet Boys" concert like he planned. Chris enters yelling for Leon as he is happy to see his good friend since they hadn't had a chance to talk with his busy schedule, and mentions his sisters' becoming a freespirited journalist instead of raising a family. Leon tells him to fuck off and do something about his sister himself, which Chris actually agrees that she's free to do whatever makes her happy. Leon instantly dives into the party's alcohol reserves, and Chief Suou arrives at the party with the cake, made by Tatsuya's brother, and tells Leon to come to his office.

Several days later, Leon is brought into the station for severely assaulting a civilian with a steel chair, and shortly after, he is never seen again...

Episode 52

Somehow wins the rumble and faces Pegasus in one of his greatest performances yet, but doesn't win the title.

The Extinct Light
Wesker had decided he wants to become more 'urban' to 'impress a friend'.

Episode 1

Thanks to the help from Mr. Beast, Wesker was able to become the first man to receive the experimental melanin therapy he wanted. Since his previous doctor coincidentially went on to work on a new wonderdrug, Zeke hooked him up with his "expert friend" Samuel Oak. While Wesker's instructions were to take a few micrograms of "experimental melanin" per day, Oak believes they should speed up the process by jumping to several grams. With another life changed, Zeke faces the camera and congratulates the "melanin donors" which they received through their friends at Gas Chamber, and urges the audience to check them out, and their sick beats too!

Sheeeit Wesker comes back to his house, but dat doctor be rite aftah all, a big dose like date was fire! Now he ballin'!

His son, Donte, be callin' him a NIGGER tho and dat retard Vorgin dont be letting go of tha title but Donte wants it too, so he tell da fathah he's a lame bitch nigga and FUCK YOU and runs back to his room, so Vorgin gotta tell his ass he grounded! But Vorgin leavin and being a bitch too, so he ain't feel too well...

All the "melanin" leaves through his vomit, returning him to standard white Wesker, and the "Melanin Slime" runs off... as does Wesker's dram of saturating Rebecca's globes.

Meanwhile... in a dark alleyway... the slime turns into something darker... something unknown... something... berserk...

Feats
"What the fuck did you just say about me CHRISSS? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Umbrella Research Facility and I've been involved in numerous secret experiments on B.O.W.s and I have over 300 confirmed puzzle locked bathrooms. I am trained into genetic research  and I'm the top cosplayer in the entire Umbrella Corporation, you are nothing to me but just another S.T.A.R.S., I will wipe you the fuck out with fashion the likes which has never been seen before in this volcano, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in a volcano? think again, fucker. As we speak I'm contacting my secret network of Plaga across Africa and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the Ouroboros, maggot, the Ouroboros that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead CHRISSSS, I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in *teleports behind you*, but I have access to the entire arsenal of HUNK, and I will use it to it's full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Africa you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy science your clever comment was about to bring out on you, maybe you would've held your fucking tongue. But you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you, and you will SATURATE in it. You are fucking dead CHRISSSSS."
 * Apparently replacing the briefcase sperm with his own semen, this was apparently achieved during the time Mr X had possession of the briefcase
 * BTFOd Fred in the Elimination Chamber match with a special move combo from both him and Goro Majima
 * Is a complete and utter jobber in every sense of the word with a laughable record.
 * May have broken his ass while fighting Donte.

Trivia

 * Very possibly is Donte & Vorgil's true father.
 * Was suplexed to death by a homo, what an small time individual
 * Complete. Global. Saturation.
 * Jobbed to A FUCKING DOOR despite no-selling several shotgun coinshots to the head and body.