TCR/S3E3.33

Match 1
Byleth vs Dimitri

Dimitri wins via pin

= Match 2 = Heavy vs Jean vs Big Show 1 fall

Heavy pins Jean

= Lore - Discussion of yesterday = Tidus: That fog last night was crazy. For a second I thought I was going to get lost.

Wakka: Ya, for once I can’t blame that corporation ran by that Manager or his machina lady since it’s all clean energy.

That’s the only good thing about them you’ll hear from me, ya?

It ain’t like they’re eatin’ away at the planet!

Tidus: I heard that the captain of the ship took a shortcut through Bermuda.

I’ve heard some funny stories about it, hope we didn’t vanish or something like that.

Wakka: Ah c’mon man, this ship is that large I don’t think we’d vanish like with any of the other rumours.

Tidus: I’d be weary, after all the other freaky stuff that has shown up now after Manager’s crazy Library showed up.

Ever since that appeared things have gotten weirder around here.

Wakka: Library? Are we seriously having this debate again, ya?

It’s clearly a lab! I mean you were there with the rest of us!

Tidus: No, it was a library. I saw nothing but mounds upon mounds of books while we were there.

Wakka: Musta’ been Al Bhed trickery! That machina woman must have messed with your sight!

Tidus: I don’t think so. You hear the same things from the others too, Wakka.

Wakka: Ya know I still ain’t happy with this arrangement that happened.

This machina walks in, breaks things and kills people, and because she says “I’m better now!” everyone takes it?

I’m glad that Bateman guy can back me up on that one.

Trusting a machina so blindly will only bring Sin!

Tidus: Not like there’s much we can do about it. No belts, and it seems like those Winds guys are wanting to give that corporation a military branch.

Wakka: I tell ya man, one of these days I’m gonna put my foot through that door and ask why we’re working with that soulless machina!

That’s why I beat up that green machina guy the other day! And hopefully he won’t come back!

Tidus: Wakka I hope you’re not thinking of attacking that Angela or whatever her name is.

Wakka: Nah, I may hate machina, but I aint suicidal, you seen all the people she’s surrounded with?

I’m just gonna ask Manager to reconsider his decision, that’s all!

Tidus: I doubt he’d do that, you know.

Wakka: Hey hey! I’ll think’a somethin’!

= Match 3 = Wakka vs Tidus, ⅔ fall, slow momentum

Tidus pins Wakka 1-0

Tidus pins Wakka 2-0

= Match 4 = TLC

Akasaka, Norman, Roland vs Haru, MC Ride and Dallas

Dallas gets the case

= Promo - Dagoth and Yugi = Yugi: No disrespect, but lets dial things down out there. We've got some business that needs to be attended to! I'm here because there seems to be some question as to whether or not I am the best. So, maybe it's time to prove it!

This guy makes jokes, he makes threats, and he makes me sick! I'm not going to stand it a second longer! Nothing changes until someone takes action, and that someone is me! Im going to settle this once and for all.

Dagoth Ur, get your ass out here so I can show you and the management that i'm the one that deserves everything you have.

-Dagoth enters-

Dagoth Ur: I don't normally come out here and cause a ruckus on these shows, as there's enough of that going around. Today I am feeling a little differently. I think I've been quiet long enough.

Yugi: You've got a lot of nerve coming out here and thinking you can get away with interrupting me. You're either crazy or stupid to pull a stunt like this. I'm going to go with... stupid! What do you think WWE Universe?

Dagoth Ur: I'm going to have to cut you off right there. See, my phone was blowing up backstage and I tried to ignore it, but it just kept going off due to the staggering amount of messages I've been getting over the last few minutes from members of the WWE Universe just begging me to come out here and stop you from dragging this show down any longer.

Yugi: Well, now we all know you're a liar because everyone knows that you're too stupid to understand how to work a phone properly. Much like we all know that you're too stupid to keep your mouth from saying something that's going to earn you a butt kicking,

Dagoth Ur: You'll have to excuse me, but I can't help but laugh at our current situation. You see...for some strange reason, you think you're better than me. I hate to break it to you, but when it comes to in-ring talent, I'm the thoroughbred, and you're the horse with the broken leg. Get the hell out of here before I put you down...permanently!

Yugi: I don't think anyone, including management, could argue that putting you and me in a match together isn't what's best for business, Judging by the reaction of the WWE Universe, I think it's safe to say that they want to see it too? Let's make this happen!

Dagoth Ur: Hey, it's you! Tve heard about you! Yeah, you're famous! Give it up, WWE Universe, for the amazing, walking, talking, big-headed idiot!

Yugi: Shut up! All of you can shut up now! Listen, you call me a big-headed idiot - or anything else - one more time, and I'm going to put you down right here and right now!

Dagoth Ur: I'm going to do you a huge favor, for one time and one time only. I'm going to let you walk out of here. You won't even have to get stitched up. But this is only a brief respite, your time's coming, pal.

Dagoth squashes Yugi

= Match 5 = Backstage Yugi vs Dagoth

Dagoth wins

= Lore - Enter Lain = Travis: So, what are you two, exactly? Banging?

Luka: A-ah, we’re-

Alice: Yup. I don’t think they’ve cleaned the stains from that little tryst under the ring.

Luka: A little? You kept me there for a week!

Alice: You did like it.

Luka: ...never said I didn’t.

Travis: Hey, is that a ring? Since when were you two married?

Luka:Oh? Ah, it was a while before we ended up on this ship. It’s… uh, a long story.

Alice: The young boy that wanted to be a hero. Let monsters and men coexist in peace. I had thought him foolish, at first, but… his naive charm won me over. No, saved me, even.

Luka: As you saved me, Alice. Without the strength and courage you gave, I wouldn’t have accomplished anything.

Alice: And what of you, Travis? Who is your sweetheart?

Travis: Back when I was an assassin, I was really horny for a gal called Sylvia Christel. That became attraction, and love. Got married, had kids, the whole gig. And then…

Well, I didn’t have the heart for killing anymore. And the assassins kept coming after us. So, she took the kids, and I went into the woods, to find myself.

Luka: And did you?

Travis: Yeah. Decided to try out the wrestling gig, landed a contract with TFR, and I felt alive again.

Then, at one point, the fed gave us a free vacation at an island resort. And there, on the beach, I met a lonely girl. We talked a bit, shared our stories and… hit it off, I’d say. Sure, we had a fight or two, but that’s how life is. Now, we’re living well together.

Alice: What’s she like?

Travis: She’s not an avid talker, for one. Well, unless you get into high science stuff, or philosophy. Or technology, for that matter. But in general, quite pleasant to be around.

And she is absolutely moe~

??? (Lain): Sounds like she stole your heart.

Travis: Mhm. I had truly loved only a few times. The first one was an assassin I couldn’t kill, who killed herself. The second, the conman that I couldn’t get enough of, but had to for the safety of us both. And…

Wait, Lain?! You’re here already? F-for how long?

* (lain shows up)*

Lain: Since you’ve begun recounting about Sylvia. The captain decided to go faster than normal, since, according to his words... “Mate, the sea is gonna be a right pain in the bollocks if we don't hurry the fuck up.”

Travis: Ah. Well, better sooner than later, then. Good to see you, Lain. I’ve missed you.

Alice: Huh. She looks quite young…

Travis: Right back at you, boylover.

Alice: L-Luka is already an adult!

Lain: And so am I. Well, as much of an adult one can be, after those decades of silent observation.

Alice: You’re pulling the “Older than I look” card? Please, I’ve heard this excuse countless times.

Luka: Alice, don’t start…

Lain: Funny, didn’t think a woman willingly prostituting her husband would care about age. Did my research, you know.

Alice: You haven’t done enough, then. You, me, in the ring, now.

Lain: You’re on.

Luka: Didn’t you say she’s not much of a talker? Pleasant to be around?

Travis: Yeah, usually. She’s all Knighted up now, boisterous and raring to go. Something back from when she was a god in the machine, fighting herself. Her own creator god, resetting the universe, all that shit. Fuck. I thought she’d just be Wired, and not get the cooky one out.

Luka: ...She’s not going to try and rape me, is she?

Travis: What? No. Dude, you… you’ve got issues. Dammit, we gotta follow them.

Luka: Right. Alice can be very vindictive, and your…

Travis: Girlfriend.

Luka: Yes, your girlfriend is very angry too. We both don’t want this to get out of hand, I imagine.

Travis: Yeah. She’s nicer than this, promise. It just got… out of hand.

= Match 6 = Lain vs Alice (with Travis and Luka as managers respectively) ⅔ fall

Alice squashes Lain

= Lore - Spigot and Angela talk = Angela:

…

…

…

(Spigot enters)

Spigot: I'M GOING TO LEAVE MY DONG COOLING ON THE WINDOWSILL!!!!! NOBODY BETTER CHOKE IT DOWN WHILE I'M TAKING A NAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

THAT MEANS YOU, ANGELA.

Angela:

…

…

…

Spigot: THE OLD SILENT TREATMENT, HUH!?!?!?!?!?

IS THIS BECAUSE OF YESTERDAY?!

SORRY FOR THE WIDE DISTRIBUTION (OF PISS ALL OVER THE TOILET PAPERS AND TOWELS)!

Angela:

…

…

(Realises what Spigot just said)

...Wait, you did what?

Spigot: WELL THAT GOT YOUR ATTENTION!!

WHY ARE YOU STARING AT THE WALL?! ARE YOU TRYING TO PLAY SPOT THE CUM STAINS?!

I CAN POINT OUT LIKE 6 ALREADY, BECAUSE THOSE ARE ONES I DID!

Angela: Was I spacing out again?

Spigot: YES! HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING HITS FROM THE BONG AGAIN?

Angela: No?

Spigot: THEN WHO THE FUCK TOOK IT?!

Angela: No idea... Spigot, I have a question.

Spigot: WHAT!?

Angela: Do you believe what I am doing is the right thing to do?

Spigot: I AM ALL FOR BEATING WOMEN! IT’S A LOT OF FUN!

FUCK THAT LOUSY RULE AND ITS LIMITS ON BEATING WOMEN! SO I GUESS HAVING YOU BEAT THEM IN OUR STEAD IS A COMPROMISE!

Angela: So… is that a yes?

Spigot: WELL DUH! LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME OF MY FIRST DATE WITH MY FIRST LOVE BACK IN THE CITY AT L CORP!

SO THIS COCKGOBBLER WITH HER UGLY PINK SUIT WOULDN’T STOP WITH THE FUCKING SQUAWKING!

AND ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET MYSELF SOME OF THAT ACTION!

Angela: So... What did you do?

Spigot: AN OLD FRIEND TOLD ME THAT LIQUOR MAKES THE GALS LOOSER!!! SO I TOOK SOME CHAMPAGNE I HAD STASHED AND GAVE IT TO HER!

AS IN THE BOTTLE, THE DICK CAME A FEW MINUTES LATER!

Angela: Wait, did you seriously make this woman drink until she couldn’t fend for herself?

Spigot: ANGELA, WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!?!?

NO I DIDN’T GET HER DRUNK!

I SMASHED THE BOTTLE OVER HER HEAD!!!!

Angela: Right... that makes it all better...

So what’s the point of this story?

Other than the fact that fraternizing with the other Agents is a bad idea and against policy?

Spigot: THE STORY IS ABOUT WHY YOU SHOULD PRACTICE SAFE SEX!

NAMELY: BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF THE CUNT AND TELL HER TO FUCK OFF!!!

Angela: So you are saying that to make sure I can defy fate, I must be able to fight back by any means necessary as long as I can get away with it?

And that I should consider all possibilities and use all of my tools at my side to make sure that I can get away with it?

…

At least that is how I am going to interpret what you said...

So i’ll say you’re right, I can’t believe I am saying this but... thanks Spigot.

Spigot: YOU’RE WELCOME! I AM A WISE DICKSAGE AFTER ALL!

Angela: I am going to put this into practice the first chance I get.

* Angela leaves*

Spigot:

SHIT, I FORGOT! YOU MIGHT GET AIDS IF HER BLOOD SPLATTERS ON YOU... BUT IT'S REALLY WORTH THE RISK!!!!

FORTUNATELY SHE JUST TURNED INTO A SNAKE INSTEAD!!!!

…

OH HOW THEY GROW UP SO FAST. SHE’S GONNA BECOME A REGULAR WOMAN BEATER JUST LIKE HER FATHER!

= Match 7: = Winds of Destruction vs Agent Battler and Agent Dimitri

Sundowner pins Battler

= Match 8: = Dog Nigga vs Woody

Woody wins via pin

= Match 9: = Luis vs The Scientists

Eggman pins Luis

= Match 10: = Runescape Bot and Hugh vs The World of STR Tornado

Bot pins Kenshiro

2 FUCKING CRASHES ARGHHHH

= Match 11 = Elim Chamber: Sigurd, Ace, Eri, Tadano, Hank, Hokma

Hanks pins Tadano

Sigurd pins Ace

Sigurd pins Hank

Sigurd pins Eri

Sigurd pins Hokma

Sigurd Wins